Im RomanCath....she's ChurchofIrl..

DangerMouse27

Men are from Mars....Women are from Venus.


Hi all! Ive been seeing this girl for years and i am madly in love with her. My family is Rc and practising and hers are Church of Irl and practising too. I have known for a while that the religiony thing would come up between us but i have been thinking about it more as i kind of think about longer term...marriage etc.

I love being a Christian and my family are fairly relaxed about all of it. A belief in God is an importance for us but a great tolerance too is given to all and every faith. Im quite lucky that they are like that.
I am very willing to become a practising CofIrl if thats what needs to be done.

How do i go about this? I do not mind bringing my children up as Church of Ireland either. In my own head, as simple as it sounds..i love God...i love her. And thats as much as i think about it.

Is it tough to change my religion? For obvious reasons, i would change rather than her change to Rc. C of Irl tends to define her family as they had to deal with early ignorance towards protestants in every school they ever went to as kids.

What do i do?

smcgiff

I appreciate your sentiment - but can anyone change their belief for a convenience?

DangerMouse27

I am not sure i understand.

Our belief is with God. Do not get me wrong, i am not a strict Catholic. Convenience would be to not say or do anything. Her religion is very important to her and i appreciate and understand that. After all...we are both Christians and thats whats important to me.

smcgiff

Ah - when you said your family were practicing Roman catholic I thought you included yourself. It looks like your beliefs would not be out of line with coi - so go for it.

DangerMouse27

Well i do practise but not strictly. I go to mass the odd time, say rosaries(i know, i know) at funerals, treat Christmas and Easter as important.

I am sure my family will be fine with it.

But how do i go about changing? Is it just something where you wake up and...hey i am Church of Ireland.

smcgiff

DangerMouse27 wrote: »

Well i do practise but not strictly. I go to mass the odd time, say rosaries(i know, i know) at funerals, treat Christmas and Easter as important.

I am sure my family will be fine with it.

But how do i go about changing? Is it just something where you wake up and...hey i am Church of Ireland.

Have you mentioned this to your girlfriend - or would this freak her out? I imagine she would be able to help. Is there a local vicar? I could be wrong but would imagine it's easier to "convert" from rc to coi - as it would be reducing the amount of things to believe in rather than increase them as it would be if going the other way.

I imagine you would get great support from your girlfriend's family and vicar - good luck

DangerMouse27

Thanks. Il try to meet up with a vicar and chat about these things.

Oh anytime it was mentioned, it seemed like she was happier for me to change but again it was snippets of chat rather than a conversation.

Thanks again.

gimmebroadband

My Mum and Dad came from different religious backgrounds. Dad was (RIP) Irish and Catholic, and my Mum and her family English and Protestant! There were 8 of us children from the marriage and we were all brought up Catholic. 8 years into the marriage my Mum converted and entered the Catholic Church, and a few years later, her sister did. My Mum who is now 72 years old is a devout Catholic and never misses Holy Mass. My Mum's nephew also converted to Catholicism when he married his wife!

If your religion is important to you, you must discuss it with your girlfriend.

Fanny Cradock

You realise that you are both part of the same religion and that this is about denominational adherence? If you were a Christian and she a Hindu then you could talk about religions. But seems as you are both Christians this doesn't seem to be the case

Why don't you embark on an experiment? Try attend a RC church for a bit, then a CoI church and maybe something a little different - e.g. a broadly evangelical church like Trinity or some such). You can then decide after a little more time which tradition best speaks to you. Also, bear in mind that churches even within the same tradition have their own personalities. The church is but the people that attend it.

As for changing to CoI - you just turn up. Nothing more to it than that.

The Quadratic Equation

It doesn't sound like you're very Catholic anyway, so the "CoI" would probably be fine for you, particularly if you comfortable with same sex married clergy, female priests etc.

Provided you are also comfortable with the fact that the CoI was originally created to rubber stamp, lend credence to, and approve of, the multiple infidelities and immorality of the British Royal Family.

Provided you are also comfortable with the fact that successive generations of your family would have spent their entire lives actively resisting the forced joining of the "CoI" under threat of violence, hunger, and poverty, from Henry VIII, to the penal laws and the famine, in order to pass their Catholic faith through successive generations of their family.

Of course, time has moved on, historical issues may mean nothing to you, and that's your choice.

Full conversion is a big step for anyone, but it may not actually be necessary.

You could of course still remain Catholic, and attend the CoI, and your wife could remain CoI, and attend the Catholic church as well if she so wishes. (The only real restriction is that you must receive communion in your own Churches). You could bring your children up as Catholics, ( the added benefits being, they will have a larger choice of schools, and when they are older then can freely choose to become either Catholic or CoI, as it is easier to convert from Catholic to CoI than it is to convert from CoI to Catholic. ) I've seen couples with similar arragements in my locality and it has worked very well for them.

If my post seems a little abrupt in places, please forgive me, it is not my intention to offend. I prefer straight talking in such situations, rather than beating about the bush, which I believe, would be doing you no favours.

Above all, rather than listen to the opinions of strangers on the tinternet, I would make an appointment with a Catholic Priest you can identify with, and ask him to carefully go through all the pros, cons, and options with you. (It does not have to be your local Parish Priest if you prefer to talk to a different one.)
Also do likewise with a CoI minister. You can then have a proper think about what will work best.

Good luck to you both, and best wishes for the future whatever you decide. God Bless.

smcgiff

Not for this thread really, but in comparison to the antics of some of the popes Henry VIII would be in line for sainthood.

Morals wise the reformed faiths hold up very well compared to the RC church.

mdebets

I don't see why either you or your girlfriend have to convert. You can attend a CoI service and your girlfriend can attend a Catholic service without any problems. Even communion shouldn't normally be a problem (even the current Pope offered the Holy Communion publicly on TV to a Protestant without any problem).
I know enough mixed couples (mostly Lutherans, but this should be the same with CoI) who practices this for years (even decades). I'm myself from a mixed (father Catholic, mother Lutheran) and my parents practice this for over 40 years (they even asked the Catholic priest who was marrying them and he said that this is not a problem).

Manach

Given that his Holiness has been recently quoted praising the passion of Luther, I reckon offhand other poster's advice, such as mdebet's, is reasonable.

wolfsbane

DangerMouse27 wrote: »

Men are from Mars....Women are from Venus.


Hi all! Ive been seeing this girl for years and i am madly in love with her. My family is Rc and practising and hers are Church of Irl and practising too. I have known for a while that the religiony thing would come up between us but i have been thinking about it more as i kind of think about longer term...marriage etc.

I love being a Christian and my family are fairly relaxed about all of it. A belief in God is an importance for us but a great tolerance too is given to all and every faith. Im quite lucky that they are like that.
I am very willing to become a practising CofIrl if thats what needs to be done.

How do i go about this? I do not mind bringing my children up as Church of Ireland either. In my own head, as simple as it sounds..i love God...i love her. And thats as much as i think about it.

Is it tough to change my religion? For obvious reasons, i would change rather than her change to Rc. C of Irl tends to define her family as they had to deal with early ignorance towards protestants in every school they ever went to as kids.

What do i do?

From your account of the religious beliefs of both you, I gather neither of you are Christian in the Biblical sense.

Changing churches is only going to be incidental, at best. Instead, both of you should seriously look into what the Bible actually teaches about God and His requirements of us. THEN you will know what to do about church attendance.

Every Blessing

**********************************************************************
John 4:19 The woman said to Him, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet. 20 Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, and you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place where one ought to worship.”
21 Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father. 22 You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for salvation is of the Jews. 23 But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. 24 God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”

Plowman

This post has been deleted.

KatyMac

I'm CoI and husband is RC. It hasn't caused much in the line of problems and we are married 15 years now. I go with him to any religious events he wishes me to attend and he comes with me. We have 2 children both of whom are being brought up as CoI. I suggested to him that maybe we would baptise the second one in the RC faith, but I also told him that he would have to go to mass and bring her with him regularly. That didn't come to pass and they are now both CoI and going to a RC school.

Spidermany

DH and I are also of mixed faith.

We are raising our children as RC as that is most appropriate to our circumstances.

It was made very clear to us by the RC priest who married us that our children were Christian until such time as they made their First Holy Communion when they would be making a commitment to the Roman Catholic Church.

Our ceremony was in a C of I Church with both a vicar and priest officiating. They were both wonderful.

To avoid any issues both DH and I agreed not to have Holy Communion at our wedding, priest and vicar totally supported this view.

We always thought religious problems would be huge in our relationship, but they really aren't. And neither of us has ever considered converting.

andyjo

DangerMouse27 wrote: »

Hi all! Ive been seeing this girl for years and i am madly in love with her. My family is Rc and practising and hers are Church of Irl and practising too. I have known for a while that the religiony thing would come up between us but i have been thinking about it more as i kind of think about longer term...marriage etc.

I love being a Christian and my family are fairly relaxed about all of it. A belief in God is an importance for us but a great tolerance too is given to all and every faith. Im quite lucky that they are like that.
I am very willing to become a practising CofIrl if thats what needs to be done.

How do i go about this? I do not mind bringing my children up as Church of Ireland either. In my own head, as simple as it sounds..i love God...i love her. And thats as much as i think about it.

Is it tough to change my religion? For obvious reasons, i would change rather than her change to Rc. C of Irl tends to define her family as they had to deal with early ignorance towards protestants in every school they ever went to as kids.

What do i do?

You sound very level headed and fair and remind me of another "mixed religion" couple I know. They decided to get married in the C of I, and are bringing their kids up C. of I. Religion is not a problem and with all the abuses and bullying associated with the R.C church in the past, they say they are glad to be more associated with the Church of Ireland. Its more appropriate in the circumstances. Being good Christians is the most important thing.