Relationship with Ukrainian, good idea or crazy, advice appreciated very much

NorthernSun

Hello all,


I am just beginning to come out of a difficult period of my life. My GF (who I lived with for 2 years) left me for someone else, and I moved back home from where I was living (a different country) to be closer to my family due to a family issue. I also had money problems but I knuckled down and have these resolved now.

My problem now is that I am struggling to find meaning in my life. I am almost 35 and have very few friends. All I ever really wanted was to settled down and have a couple of kids and be a good father but I am beginning to think that it is too late for me now.

I have started to talk to a Ukranian girl on the internet. She seems like a decent person and we get on well. Part of me wants to pursue the relationship but part of me wonders if I am a fool for thinking it could ever work out. I even worry about how people will react and what people will think.

Do people think I should pursue this relationship or should I stop daydreaming and work on other aspects of my life.

If anyone had advice I would appreciate very much.

Siuin

As someone who found the love of their life online (a language learning website) who is also from a FSU country, I say go for it. If she seems like a genuine girl and you have a connection with her, what's there to lose?

However, I would say that if you're going to pursue it, make sure that 1) it's not just based on physical attraction- those chicks are beautiful, but for it to last, it needs to be something deeper 2) if you are serious about her, meet up ASAP. It's easy to get lulled into a routine of chatting online, and never really knowing the person- you need to meet in person and see if it could work long term. Also, no excuses with cheap flights :P

Good luck!

Pandora2

After 1 marriage, 1 serious relationship and 2 kids, I spent 10 years on my own.....I dated and had a couple of fairly long relationships but knew that whilst these people were very nice, good company, attractive to me....we would not take the next step!!

When I least expected it a colleague asked me out:D....apparently he had admired me from a distance for a few years and on the very odd occasion we met I quite liked him;) It was just right from the outset..........very shortly we were discussing marriage and we celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary last March. I tell you this for the following reason:-

When we got together I was 42, he 47......he had a couple of serious relationships in his 30's but had suffered a drought of 9 years...had totally given up on the idea of children/marriage....as for myself I dreaded the day when my girls flew the nest because I had accepted I would be on my own. Now he is married and both he and my kids have a wonderful relationship that is every bit as close as my own relationship with them..in fact, they like him better than me!!! Chances are he will walk at least one of them up the aisle and I hope to be a granny one day so he may even get to be a Grandad. Never say never!!!;););)

The only regret we have .............is that he should have asked me out when it first occurred to him, 2 years before he actually did. :eek:
Faint heart never won fair lady.

I have a friend who married a ukrainian lady, they are blissfully happy:D But they took things easy and spent a lot of time together before she moved to Ireland...I would suggest that you proceed but take your time and really get to know her in person as well as online.

The very best of luck and love, never give up, never give in!!;)

Kadongy

I'm 32 and a five year serious living together relationship ended at the end of last year. I got talking to a Romanian girl on the internet and did develop some sort of relationship with her (in-person).

She seemed too good to be true. She was. She was open about wanting to get out of Romania. She wasn't trying to use me to get a visa - she was professionally qualilfied and getting one for herself. She was using me though. She lied to me about how she felt and what she wanted, and that changed when I was no longer a convenient source of support - mainly not financial support. Her agenda was to get established in a western European country and to get a good job. When the situation was that I was a strong source of support to that desire I was extremely important to her - not primarily financial support. When the situation was that she could acquire support more conveniently elsewhere, that is what she did - very abruptly and brutally. I was very taken in by her and this troubled me.

The culture there, according to her, is that women look for rich western guys. She expressed great contempt for this. She was no better though really - only difference to what she described and what she actually did was that she wanted a high-paying job and a visa from that rather than a rich husband - she still used people to get what she wanted.

The previous posters have good points. I'm certainly not saying that every woman from that area is like the one I dealt with. I am saying you should be careful. If she seems to really want to rush things it is probably a strong indicator she is more interested in what you represent to her rather than who you actually are. If what she says and does is often inconsistent that is a bad sign. Dont let someone's charm override your cop-on.

Aside from the genuine possibility she wants to use you, long distance relationships are really difficult, and it's seldom a good idea to get into anything serious right out of a break up.

LegacyUser

It's funny you mention this OP as I am in a slightly similar situation. I too have got in contact with a girl online. We started chatting in a chat room and then started regularly talking via Skype. We've swapped pics and there seems to be an attraction there.

I did start to have questions though about it. She works as a flight attendant and therefore does a lot of travelling which means she doesn't always have easy access to an internet connection. After a while I started to get a bit frustrated as I felt like I was doing all the chasing and she was doing little or none. We'd been chatting a couple of months and I'd asked several times for her number but she kept playfully dodging the question or just ignoring it.

One day though I just got fed up of it all. She sent me a mail, I read it and seeing there was nothing much in it to respond to, I deleted it and didn't reply. I then deleted all her other mails and her email address and had no intention of contacting her again. I didn't block her, but I was sort of fed up of seemingly chasing my tail. I also think that one day I saw her online in the same chatroom. I guess I was a bit frustrated as I'd think to myself "if you have time to go into a chatroom, then you have time to send me a mail". I'm not 100% sure it was her but I think it was.

Anyway I left it and a couple of weeks later she got in touch again. I'm not sure but reading between the lines she seems to suffer from depression a bit and had said she had been feeling down this last while. So perhaps that was it, who knows.

We're chatting again now but I don't know what if anything will come from it. She's mentioned at the start how much she loves this country and wants to live here and move here. She's from an EU country so she doesn't need a visa or anything to come live and work here so I know there's nothing to worry about from the point of view of her possibly using me to get a visa.

From talking to her on Skype, she sounds like a very genuine person, I suppose I just wish we could speak more often. I do feel like there is a connection there but I really have no idea if anything will ever happen.

In my own situation it is slightly more difficult to arrange to meet up due to her job. Besides, seeing she has dodged giving me her number, I don't suspect flying over to see her will be any easier to organise.

My own plan is to just take it as it comes and see how it goes. However, I'm not putting my life on hold and if I have the chance to go out with someone else, I will certainly not hesitate to take it. I feel like I've given her enough chances to move things along a bit and see what happens and she's been unwilling or unable to take them. So I'm not waiting around for her and I'm actively seeking other women.

I agree with others in that meeting up is usually a good idea, otherwise you can build up a picture in your head of what the person is like and it may not be very accurate.

All I'd say is be safe, be sensible and don't ignore warning signs even though your heart might tell you otherwise.