Worried about college! (Mature student with depression)

LegacyUser

I am starting a masters degree next week. However, I am really worried.

As a constant sufferer of depression and anxiety I am worried that I will not be able to apply myself. I did a degree last year but barely scraped by as I was constantly fatigued and struggling with motivation and concentration.

I am in my mid-thirties and worried that I won't be able to mix with all the 21/22 year olds or they won't relate to me. On my degree people were older but as Masters is day time it will be mainly very young people.

I should be excited about starting it and meeting new people etc but, as anybody who suffers from depression knows, that side of life is non existent.

I really don't know what to do. I don't want to go.

0_0_0

hi,
im a mature student too and went back to college last week.
i suffer with depression and anxiety so i know exactly how u are feeling.
it actually wasnt too bad tbh. i was dreading it as its a really intense course
but its actually lifted my spirits a little bit and gets me focused. i do find i am extremely tired and spend the whole day yawning. finding motivation to get work done is also hard but maybe try going to the library straight after lectures while ur in the zone and get some work done. ive always found that to help me, especially on the last course i did. if i go home and try study then its impossible.

best of luck to u and please just keep egging yourself on even through the bad days and stressed due dates.if u feel u can talk to a lecturer tell them. i havent told mine yet but im thinking about telling one of them who is fairly down to earth. im not looking for extension dates i just want them to understand why i might not be as focused some days as others as its a very hands on and intense course. best of luck anyway

Nolanger

If you barley 'scraped by' in your degree then why are you allowed do a Masters?

Taltos

Nolanger if you have no constructive or helpful feedback for an OP please do not post.

Taltos

LegacyUser

0_0_0 wrote: »

hi,
im a mature student too and went back to college last week.
i suffer with depression and anxiety so i know exactly how u are feeling.
it actually wasnt too bad tbh. i was dreading it as its a really intense course
but its actually lifted my spirits a little bit and gets me focused. i do find i am extremely tired and spend the whole day yawning. finding motivation to get work done is also hard but maybe try going to the library straight after lectures while ur in the zone and get some work done. ive always found that to help me, especially on the last course i did. if i go home and try study then its impossible.

best of luck to u and please just keep egging yourself on even through the bad days and stressed due dates.if u feel u can talk to a lecturer tell them. i havent told mine yet but im thinking about telling one of them who is fairly down to earth. im not looking for extension dates i just want them to understand why i might not be as focused some days as others as its a very hands on and intense course. best of luck anyway

Thanks. I worried about talking in the class. I get so bad at times I just want to sit there and say nothing. the thought of having to present in front of the class or the usual introduction thing on the first day has my nerves in shreds.

When I said scraped by I meant I could have done a lot better and struggled to apply myself 100%

Taltos

OP for what it is worth I think you need to take a step back here.

Let's look at the facts.
1. You passed your primary degree - scraping or otherwise - this is not always the easiest. I too scraped by my primary degree with repeats most years. I have an issue with exams where my mind would just draw a blank.
2. You have been accepted to a Masters - something to celebrate here. Depending on the course a lot of factors can go into selecting the right candidates.

Now for the good news - Masters are very different to Degree courses. Depending on the course the points can come from a number of factors - eg Assignments, a thesis and exams. You may also find that your fellow students approach the whole thing differently. Personally I found the whole dynamic to be much better - so one tip - build on the relationship with your tutor. Also - don't focus on how the others are doing - just do your best and use regular meetings to gauge your overall progress. Take time during your day to grab a coffee or a walk - and on your way just ask if anyone wants to join you - if not great - 10 minutes to relax, if they do - then wonderful talk about something silly - weather/news/whatever.

Actually I think your age here is a distinct advantage. Hopefully you have a fairly good idea of what is out there - and know the importance of doing your best. In our class (it was relatively small) there was a bit of a mix, I think the oldest was in their late 30s, youngest was 21 - to be honest we all treated each other the same as we were all under the same deadlines.

I am not sure if you can just sit there and say nothing in the class - it all depends on the format of your masters - again though talk to your tutor and get some advice / tips on how to move past this if you have to. My first presentation the lectern shook so much the over-head projector was all over the place. Talk about a bag of nerves. My tutor just laughed afterwards told me that everyone does that and next time not to hold the lectern to stay upright. Wish he had told me that before

Focus on the positive here.
> you are in a masters
> you only have a year or two or so to complete
> you have as good a chance as any to come out top of the class

Go on - celebrate - getting this far is great - only a bit more to go.

Just as a note: I doubt that the people who would be doing Masters would be between 21/22. Realistically they could be mid to late 20s. Perhaps not a big difference age-wise, but it would make a big difference maturity-wise.

Are you taking anything for your depression and anxiety?

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

Now for the good news - Masters are very different to Degree courses. Depending on the course the points can come from a number of factors - eg Assignments, a thesis and exams. You may also find that your fellow students approach the whole thing differently. Personally I found the whole dynamic to be much better - so one tip - build on the relationship with your tutor. Also - don't focus on how the others are doing - just do your best and use regular meetings to gauge your overall progress. Take time during your day to grab a coffee or a walk - and on your way just ask if anyone wants to join you - if not great - 10 minutes to relax, if they do - then wonderful talk about something silly - weather/news/whatever.

Actually I think your age here is a distinct advantage. Hopefully you have a fairly good idea of what is out there - and know the importance of doing your best. In our class (it was relatively small) there was a bit of a mix, I think the oldest was in their late 30s, youngest was 21 - to be honest we all treated each other the same as we were all under the same deadlines.

I am not sure if you can just sit there and say nothing in the class - it all depends on the format of your masters - again though talk to your tutor and get some advice / tips on how to move past this if you have to. My first presentation the lectern shook so much the over-head projector was all over the place. Talk about a bag of nerves. My tutor just laughed afterwards told me that everyone does that and next time not to hold the lectern to stay upright. Wish he had told me that before

Focus on the positive here.
> you are in a masters
> you only have a year or two or so to complete
> you have as good a chance as any to come out top of the class

Go on - celebrate - getting this far is great - only a bit more to go.

I didn't realise a masters is different to a degree. I am worried that it will be so much harder. Hopefully, I won't be concerned once I get into it. There are no exams just assignments and a large collaborative project. It is only a year so it is not too bad.

The worry for me is getting the energy to get up and out of the house to attend lectures. Fatigue hits me big time so its often hard to leave the house. Concentration throughout lectures is difficult and I find myself clock watching and yawning. Afterwards, all I want to do is get home and do nothing which is a habit I need to get out of.

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

Just as a note: I doubt that the people who would be doing Masters would be between 21/22. Realistically they could be mid to late 20s. Perhaps not a big difference age-wise, but it would make a big difference maturity-wise.

Are you taking anything for your depression and anxiety?

I hope you are right on the age thing. I can relate better to people in their late 20's.

I am not taking anything at the moment. I was on anti-depressants before and I am not sure they did any good. The first one I took was did the trick, felt like a huge weight off my shoulders and I had an inner peace and realised that is the way I am supposed to be feeling. However, it didn't last long. Never renewed the subscription.

Taltos

old student wrote: »

I didn't realise a masters is different to a degree. I am worried that it will be so much harder. Hopefully, I won't be concerned once I get into it. There are no exams just assignments and a large collaborative project. It is only a year so it is not too bad.

The worry for me is getting the energy to get up and out of the house to attend lectures. Fatigue hits me big time so its often hard to leave the house. Concentration throughout lectures is difficult and I find myself clock watching and yawning. Afterwards, all I want to do is get home and do nothing which is a habit I need to get out of.

The difference is now you have proven yourself. Trust me just approach the masters with the right mindset and you will love it.

Overheal

As a constant sufferer of depression and anxiety I am worried that I will not be able to apply myself.

And have you actually been to a Psychiatrist to verify this diagnosis? Psychiatrists are in a way, Psychologists with a Medical Degree. If you think you are depressed, get Sure about it. Don't just assume. Hell what if all you had was Sleep Apnea? Or what if all you needed was a change in diet? See a specialist.

Wilba

old student wrote: »

I am in my mid-thirties and worried that I won't be able to mix with all the 21/22 year olds or they won't relate to me. On my degree people were older but as Masters is day time it will be mainly very young people.

Age in many cases, isn't a big deal. When I first started Uni I never really looked at older people thinking I could never relate to them, in fact, I ended up looking forward in meeting them because I thought it was cool to get ideas and perspectives of life as well as where they had been throughout their University experience. I also found them to be friendlier and more approachable.

I know it might not be like that for everybody, however, get the idea that you're not going to get along with everybody out of your head. Just be yourself and try and initiate a conversation if the situation allows for it.

All the best and I'm sure the Masters will be an exciting experience.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Some good advice there, i can understand your nerves i was a mature student as well, i agree that there will be more mature people on the masters, many people take a break after their BA to get experience and decide what they want to do a masters in, a masters is totally different to the BA much more laid back and the tutors treat you as an equal, you will probably get on well with them!

But this is a great time to have got in and also someone else said its a great focus.

I also suffered depression and anxiety throughout my twenties but i cured it all by working hard in therapy and the college i was in had therapy and reiki and massage for very little cost! But i got to the root of my depression and anxiety and it went away for good, I'm a firm believer in us having the power to get us into the mess and also to get us out.

You prob just need more self belief and trust in yourself, if you have got this far with a BA and acceptance to Masters then you have the goods! Don't try and concentrate on the others or the college ways and institution of it, think of this as something you are doing for you, and take the pressure off, would it really be that bad if you decided you wanted more time and deferred for a year? Set yourself a small goals and take it each day as it comes instead of being overwhelmed by it all, if you had to leave it would be fine, people do it all the time, i do think its important to listen to your body, like if you REALLY feel that you are exhausted then don't put yourself through it, but sometimes just knowing you can leave and it will be ok, is enough to take the pressure off and stay???

I have this quote that i love recently, and i really feel that we are more afraid of success then failure! I failed my JC, and my LC and went into college and got a 2-1, and still i felt like a failure because i didn't get a first!! Like why wasn't i jumping for joy i had a degree, i was so afraid of what people thought that i forgot to enjoy it or see what a huge achievement i had done! ......



"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

—-from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.

LegacyUser

Overheal wrote: »

And have you actually been to a Psychiatrist to verify this diagnosis? Psychiatrists are in a way, Psychologists with a Medical Degree. If you think you are depressed, get Sure about it. Don't just assume. Hell what if all you had was Sleep Apnea? Or what if all you needed was a change in diet? See a specialist.

No I am definitely depressed. I have had it for years. Since my late teens I have suffered from extreme anxiety. I remember being extraordinary nervous over the slightest things. I am a naturally quiet person and don't really discuss myself or how I feel.

I haven't been to a psychiatrist but I don't need to know that I am depressed. I don't leave the house much, only to go as far as local shops or pub. Feel so down all the time, physically and mentally. Always worried and full of stress and anxiety. As a result I have become inward and socially awkward. Not working a lot hasn't helped. Although I have a part-time job which makes me feel slightly better when I am there. Hopefully the masters will help me feel more apart of this world once I can get my mindset around it.

LegacyUser

Snookii wrote: »

I also suffered depression and anxiety throughout my twenties but i cured it all by working hard in therapy and the college i was in had therapy and reiki and massage for very little cost! But i got to the root of my depression and anxiety and it went away for good, I'm a firm believer in us having the power to get us into the mess and also to get us out.

You prob just need more self belief and trust in yourself, if you have got this far with a BA and acceptance to Masters then you have the goods! Don't try and concentrate on the others or the college ways and institution of it, think of this as something you are doing for you, and take the pressure off, would it really be that bad if you decided you wanted more time and deferred for a year? Set yourself a small goals and take it each day as it comes instead of being overwhelmed by it all, if you had to leave it would be fine, people do it all the time, i do think its important to listen to your body, like if you REALLY feel that you are exhausted then don't put yourself through it, but sometimes just knowing you can leave and it will be ok, is enough to take the pressure off and stay???
.

Thanks for that. I guess changing my mindset would help. Its a difficult thing as I am very much a negative thinker. We started today and I can see already that I am among studious academic types whose contributions to class discussions are far above anything I can articulate.

They are a different crowd to what I had on my degree. I mixed with most of them quite well but they were older for the most part. Maybe with more time I will feel different.

Collaborative work concerns me as I don't want to let people down as it may appear I am not pulling my weight or whatever.

Although, as you said I need to focus on this masters being for me. I wish I could change my train of thought that easily.

LegacyUser

old student wrote: »

Thanks for that. I guess changing my mindset would help. Its a difficult thing as I am very much a negative thinker. We started today and I can see already that I am among studious academic types whose contributions to class discussions are far above anything I can articulate.

They are a different crowd to what I had on my degree. I mixed with most of them quite well but they were older for the most part. Maybe with more time I will feel different.

Collaborative work concerns me as I don't want to let people down as it may appear I am not pulling my weight or whatever.

Although, as you said I need to focus on this masters being for me. I wish I could change my train of thought that easily.

I think they are worthy concerns, the way i heal is to accept the way i am and try and listen to what is right for me, and what pace i go at, its mad, i used to beat myself up because i was a night owl and i would work (I'm a Painter) all night and sleep in the mornings, but i was socially conditioned into thinking it was wrong i felt like a freak! i still do when my neighbors see my blinds down!! lol but i work my ass off but because i am unconventional i feel like a weirdo ha ha its funny how our minds can do that to us, thats why i have been working on my positive affirmations so much, i love and approve of myself! (Louise L HAy) some people think its crap but when you have had depression you do have to re train your brain. I swear that depression lifts when you truly honor yourself and your needs. When i look back i can see the huge self doubt i had about myself. If i was you i would not beat myself up because you are 'a worrier', i really believe that thats where you can do something about it because you can try and accept yourself, and talk to yourself with a new sensitive voice, you prob have other peoples criticisms in your head, i did, i had my families beliefs in my head crushing me! Your lazy, your stupid, your not good enough, its like its drilled into us!

Have you heard of Eckhart Tolle, he wrote the power of now, i don't read the books back to back but the message i learned was very powerful! Because i was a worrier too learning to key into the present moment was huge for me. What that means is to try catching yourself when your thinking a scenario out in your head, the scenario that is playing out is totally going to your stomach and making you anxious, oh i know that feeling so well! but just try and catch yourself doing it, take a breath, and become conscious of the moment, like notice the anxiety, the thoughts the tight chest, and see that in that moment you are sitting on a bus, in the class room, in the canteen etc. If you become conscious of your breath you then stop the thoughts and then your body slows down. Try and watch your thoughts rather then taking them literally because they are only thoughts and not real!


Anyway I don't want to go off topic for you, i just feel that people think they are damaged goods and that depression is just the way it is but its not, and you deserve so much more, you obviously have a lot of ambition to keep pushing yourself. If you do end up collaborating it prob won't be for a while till the class gets to bond a bit more. Also very often there is many other people suffering from depression as well and are understanding, or feeling very similar, most people our age (I'm 33) are fully emersed in the kicks of life and have something heavy going on..... i hope the class turns out nice and you settle in ok, your actually being very courageous going for it, and just remember you can leave! You really can, and as you say your there for you which is all that matters.

Overheal

old student wrote: »

No I am definitely depressed. I have had it for years. Since my late teens I have suffered from extreme anxiety. I remember being extraordinary nervous over the slightest things. I am a naturally quiet person and don't really discuss myself or how I feel.

I haven't been to a psychiatrist but I don't need to know that I am depressed. I don't leave the house much, only to go as far as local shops or pub. Feel so down all the time, physically and mentally. Always worried and full of stress and anxiety. As a result I have become inward and socially awkward. Not working a lot hasn't helped. Although I have a part-time job which makes me feel slightly better when I am there. Hopefully the masters will help me feel more apart of this world once I can get my mindset around it.

With respect, even a doctor is an idiot to diagnose himself. You should still get a professional diagnosis - and a plan of treatment.

LegacyUser

Snookii wrote: »

Have you heard of Eckhart Tolle, he wrote the power of now, i don't read the books back to back but the message i learned was very powerful! Because i was a worrier too learning to key into the present moment was huge for me. What that means is to try catching yourself when your thinking a scenario out in your head, the scenario that is playing out is totally going to your stomach and making you anxious, oh i know that feeling so well! but just try and catch yourself doing it, take a breath, and become conscious of the moment, like notice the anxiety, the thoughts the tight chest, and see that in that moment you are sitting on a bus, in the class room, in the canteen etc. If you become conscious of your breath you then stop the thoughts and then your body slows down. Try and watch your thoughts rather then taking them literally because they are only thoughts and not real!


Anyway I don't want to go off topic for you, i just feel that people think they are damaged goods and that depression is just the way it is but its not, and you deserve so much more, you obviously have a lot of ambition to keep pushing yourself. If you do end up collaborating it prob won't be for a while till the class gets to bond a bit more. Also very often there is many other people suffering from depression as well and are understanding, or feeling very similar, most people our age (I'm 33) are fully emersed in the kicks of life and have something heavy going on..... i hope the class turns out nice and you settle in ok, your actually being very courageous going for it, and just remember you can leave! You really can, and as you say your there for you which is all that matters.

Hi, thanks again for your help. Things are going slightly better now on the course, getting to know people. There is an obvious age gap and I can feel that from the way one or two react to me. Although that could be my imagination, I am prone to assuming the worst and being negative.

I think the course will be good for me as it will bring me into some sort of routine and keep my mind occupied. It is certainly better than just crawling out of bed and sitting on the computer for 5-6hours every day.

I must look out for that book.