Maybe Baby...

brokensoul

I am married just over a year and my husband and I have discussed having children and we both want them. I am 34 and my husband is 33.

At the moment I have a fairly demanding full time job and I am studying for a degree by night ( just starting 3rd year of a 4 year course). My husband works full time too and is just starting to write up his PhD.

I know that if I was a few years younger then I would opt to put off having kids for 18 months or so, to allow us both time to finish our studies. My qualification, if i get it, would also allow me to work for myself and so I would have more flexibility in terms of childcare than I have with my current job.

I suppose my big fear is that I know that fertility rates drop after the age of 35 and i am terrified that if i delay getting pregnant and then discover in 18 months that I cant get pregnant then I will be so angry at myself for delaying.

I dont know if i am panicing unneccessarily. I wonder if it would help if I went to the GP and got myself checked out. Can the doctor give you an idea of your fertility or would I have to go to a specialist for that? I wasnt that good to my body when I wa younger but for the last few years I dont drink or smoke and I exercise alot and stuff. I dont know if any of that counts for fertility though.

Sorry for the rant, Im not even sure if this is the right place to post this so if i should be elsewhere please more it.

I suppose I am just wondering if i am the only one who feels this way.

LegacyUser

Speaking as someone going through fertility treatments right now... (so probably biased).

Not drinking and smoking should help.

A visit to the doc: he would take bloods, giving you an overall pic of whether you're ovulating or not. A sperm test will give a good picture. There is a more advanced test for women, called the AMH test which would have to ordered via a fertility clinic, which can predict years to menopause. But no test will tell you whether you can have a child or not. Over 20% of all infertility is 'unexplained' i.e everything works except it doesn't.

I'm 36. I have a 33 year old friend who took over a year to get pregnant and a 39 year old friend who got pregnant instantly. I'm trying since 32 without even a miscarriage. Unfortunately, it seems like the only way to know is to try.

But the facts are, that by 35, 1 in 4 women is naturally infertile (defined as being unable to conceive after a year of trying). Of course, many of these women can be helped by medical assistance or may go on to conceive naturally over the following years. But by 40, 1 in 2 women are naturally infertile.

For me, this is a no brainer. But as I said, having gone through the heartbreak already, I'm biased. You will probably be fine.

LegacyUser

Not sure if Im giving the right advice here, but I dont waiting another year would make a huge difference to your fertility level. It can take women a while to get pregnant once they start trying, so you could just cut out the birth control now and go with the flow so to speak, but then you could get pregnant straight away before your finished college. Seeing a doctor might set your mind at ease.

I am a friend

It's very hard to advise - I have friends with settled lifestyles, careers etc and who are very healthy and are trying for years (late 30's) and I, in the middle of themost stressful time of my life (sudden sibling bereavement) became pg within a month and without trying..

Can you get advice from a doctor?

iguana

idle passerby wrote: »

Not sure if Im giving the right advice here, but I dont waiting another year would make a huge difference to your fertility level.

Sadly it can decline very quickly for a reasonable proportion of women once you reach the OP's age. Her fertility this year and her fertility next year could be two very different things. Though she may also be perfectly fertile 10 year from now. It's a bit of a crapshoot either way.

One thing which can give you a bit of a clue about your fertility is to ask all your female relatives, especially your mother, when they began peri-menopause. Your fertility goes into a rapid decline about a decade before peri-menopause. We don't know when that will be for us but how things were for our mothers, aunts, older sisters, etc can be a good indication of how our cycles may go, especially if we began our menstrual cycles at a similar age to them, or have always had similar monthly cycles. So if your mother and aunts had normal periods up until about the age of 50, the odds are you will be good to about 40. But if there is a history of women in your family beginning peri-menopause in their early to mid-40s it's an indication that you may need to move fast. Obviously though, that's not a perfect science as you don't know who you are most like in this aspect or if you or they are exceptions.

You can get tests to tell you if your FsH and LH hormones are normal. These are done by your GP and need to be done on and around day 3 and day 21 of your cycle. I think you would probably have to be off hormonal contraception for an accurate result though. These would be a good start if you want to get yourself checked out. That's a basic ovarian reserve test. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ovarian_reserve It would also be a good idea for your husband to get a basic motility and quantity sperm test as male fertility declines with age too. A GP can also arrange this test. If you don't want to see your GP and are in Dublin the IFPA clinics in Tallaght and on Cathal Brugha St will do these two tests for €100. You can also do both of these tests with at home kits but they will be neither as accurate nor as detailed as proper tests.

In the meantime I suggest that you finish using any hormonal contraceptive method you may be using, as these can in some cases take up to a year to leave the system, and switch to a barrier method like condoms or diaphragm. Once off any hormones you could also start keeping basal body charts so that you have a improved familiarity with your cycle for when you are trying. http://www.justmommies.com/articles/bbt-charting.shtml Also start taking folic acid and B12 (or a pregnancy/conception supplement) now so they are built up in your system for when you do decide to become pregnant. And maybe head over to the trying to conceive forum on boards to learn more about supplements, charting, medical intervention, etc.

brokensoul

Thanks so much for the replies - esp the really detailed one from iguana.
My mum was 40 when she had me, and i clearly remember her going through the menopause (!) I think she was 53/54, but I will double check with her.

I am off the pill since October last year, have been using condoms since then. I have been taking folic acid every day too.

Had a long chat with hubby this evening and we have decided to start trying. Hopefully we will be able to cope with work/college/babies if i do find myself pregnant. I guess if we cant then we will just have to look at deferring college for a year or two.

Excited and extremely nervous now!!!

I am a friend

Ah that's great news. Best of luck!!