Where do i start??

Confused477

ok so heres how it goes,about a year and a half ago i met this guy who was working with my brother...sound enough,nice guy...anyway thats ok until later on like,3/4 months later and im out drinking and meet his sister...so we hit it off...im ok with that sure because i think,yea shes attractive and bc we get on so well...we text a bit n meet up again...we go to a house party (which i told her i didnt wanna go to) end up taking drugs...then she tells me she wants to take things further (to which i replied i didnt know) but because i like her alot,i feel like i should show her a bit of respect i think like i should talk to her brother about the situation... next my brother finds out about the party n drugs and is none too impressed.anyway to cut a long story short i get pissed after the weekend and send her a txt saying like fcuk it....

so we still talk after...im annoyed at a few things sure...we see each other,we get on together...we fight n then we're ok...stuff like that...
i do have feelings her and she has even asked me if i love her...in front of her friends...now she has a boyfriend and it kills me....theres more to the story like (there always is lol) but i guess im just posting this to see what anyone thinks

I am a friend

Whats the question?

Confused477

good question....i guess im asking where do i stand...should i still care for her now she has a bf?..does it matter?...stuff like that...i told her how i felt about her and her reply was that i dont love her...guess im confused

Moon Indigo

So lets see if I have this correct .... your going with her brother and you meet his sister and you hit it off. There's a party and she comes onto you and you (although) tempted say no then ... you tell your brother what happens he isn't too happy but you still want to take thing's further with the sister am I right?

Okay deep breath first thing first are you still going with the lad? Its not fair if you are as it sounds like your feelings lie elsewhere. When you said this girl says she loves you etc in front of friends I would be wary of that.
To me it sounds like she knows how you feel and has you exactly were she wants you. Using your feeling's to play you along. If she really liked you for a start she pull you aside and have some respect about it.

And think about it do you really want to be with someone who will do this on her brother? Are you just confused about your sexuality or whatever and she just happens to be the only female on the block? I don't mean desperation I have been in that place of not knowing and suddenly someone seems to provide the answers .....

Sorry for the long reply nearly finished (I'm sure you be glad to know!) At the end of the day you need to work out what you really want. Put everyone else aside for a moment take a breath and think. If its cutting you up seeing her with a lad ( and if she loves you why would she do these?) then in my opinion that speaks volumes.

I feel your tying yourself up in knots. Talk to the girl. Think do you really want all this rubbish like drugs etc etc that she brings. Then I would try distance yourself for a while .... Best of luck

Confused477

going with her brother? er...no...i just know him as he is a friend of my own brother

Confused477

dont get me wrong either shes not the only girl on the block...but like the only girl who i feel like i have an connection with...idk karma chi love thing whatever u wanna call it...

Stench Blossoms

Move on.

Confused477

that simple yea?,nothing is ever that simple

Moon Indigo

Okay sorry I read it wrong. Think about it if she really did love you would she be going around with the boyfriend knowing how much it hurts you? If the roles were reversed and she was in your position would you do it to her?
End of the day you both need to really talk and decide if something is going to happen or is it going to just end up one big ball of hurt?

Confused477

basically...i tried to show her a bit of respect,which im sure no guy ever did...i told her how i feel to which her reply was "u dont love me,u dont love me"...we get on like a house on fire,which is rare...i dont wanna quit on her or just move on...but i defo aint going to be her plaything,substitute bf or beaten into the friends category

Confused477

she also asked me if i "expected her to leave her bf" for me...i mean like...whats a guy to say to a thing like that??...if i had been brutally honest i would said yea

green_dub_girl

I can't make head nor tail of your post op. Are you male or female? The bit about the party makes no sense...

Confused477

ok just for u dub greenie here are the facts.im a guy btw

1. i meet a guy through my brother who works with him
2. about 3 months later i meet his sister when im out n we hit it off
start seeing each other
3. she mentions a party..i dont wanna go cuz i know my own bro will find out and get pissed...which he does,and finds out bout the drug taking...plus the party was heavy on and i fell out with her
4 i send her a text saying he found out,that i was pissed...

so we;re later down the line and the situation is as it stands...we get on well ect ect

Stench Blossoms

She has a boyfriend now. If she wanted to be with you she's wouldn't have a boyfriend.

Confused477

update on this...supposedly she broke up with the bf last night...says shes fed up with him ect n why should she stay with him if shes fed up...any ideas?

I am a friend

Yep - she sounds like trouble so stay away.

Confused477

what? how can u say that...

I am a friend

How can I say that? Eh drugs, (ex) boyfriend and mixed messages. Tbh, your posts make so little sense I could be picking it up wrong but she seems to be happy to keep you dangling on the side.

Confused477

ok so i may have trouble articulating myself over the internet...i apologise, i appreciate your opinion but i dont think its as dead set as that...like lst night when she broke up with the bf she came here n it was never mentioned...plus she asked me if i had something to say to her...idk guess i dunno what to think

Elmidena

Tbh, I think you didn't come here for advice, I think you wanted a push up the rear end to try and win her back as you don't seem to be too keen on advice that contradicts this.

She sounds immature and I think that the longer you are with her then the worse it will get. Regarding your brother finding out about the drugs, did she hold a gun to your head and make you take them? I doubt it, so stop blaming her for collapsing in peer pressure. I think it's only that the risk of never having her made you interested in pursuing her again, which isn't right either.

Are you annoyed she went to the party and you tagged along, or annoyed that you did drugs and got caught out? Is it something you do when your brother's not likely to find out, or is it a new experience? The former makes you a selfish hypocrite for texting her angrily about it, the latter is something you need to think about--is it the scene you want etc. If it's something she does regularly you won't change her and this may cause trouble for your feelings, or if she does stop likely she will resent you. If it was a once off then I wouldn't worry about it.

You get on like a house on fire, but tbh I think you're both lacking maturity here--her for the love games, you for being annoyed your brother found out and stopping seeing her over it, and only being interested once she was taken by someone else.

We can't decide for you, only you and her can do that. But you don't seem to like the advice that you shouldn't get involved which is what I agree with as well. You'd probably both be happier elsewhere. Also, what's wrong with being a friend with her? Why must it be all or nothing? That might answer your dilemma.

Confused477

thats more like it sunny...i like honest people,i agree with alot of what youve said...im just no good with stuff like this...basically her bro n my bro are involved in business.illegal like and i hated my bro finding out about it bc its a sure way to wreck things before we even got going...maybe im getting played but idk sometimes i can look at her and its like we dont even have to speak...sounds dumb i know but i feel like im in love with the girl.....

Confused477

and of course i wanna win her back...i wouldnt be on here pouring my heart n feelings out if i didnt,right? but im not made of stone either

Elmidena

If your brother is in on illegal business, what's his beef with you? Think I'll change my name to Confused478 :P Try talking to him about it! He might be of the opinion that he can save you from the scene, or blaming himself for indirectly getting you to meet her through his colleague. If your brother is going to impact so heavily on your decision, get chatting to him and work out the teething problems.

Regarding the girl, paint it to her in black and white that you do feel strongly about her, but you're not going to play games. You're not going to be her fallback guy all the time and you're not going to admit to your feelings in front of her friends to make her feel better. If she has a hard time believing you, that's not your problem, it's hers. If she's been burnt or cheated on in the past or whatever then fair enough, but she has to grow up if she wants something more serious.

If you do want to pursue things, go away for a night and switch both your phones off and chat about it. Lay everything on the table from both of ye, and see what you both want and what you'd both get from it. It should show that you'll be great together, or better off cooling it. But the relationship has to be equal, can't be one giving/caring more than the other, as that'll only lead to headaches and rows at some point, probably sooner rather than later.

Confused477

lol theres no real drug scene...i have told her how i feel,and her words were..."u dont love me,u dont love me,u dont" and followed by "your brother would freak out if we did"

Novella

My take on it would be if it's this messy at such at early stage to just leave it. I mean, she has/had a boyfriend, was asking if you expected her to leave him etc. If she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't have had a boyfriend. If she was only gonna leave her bf when she was sure you wanted her, that screams issues. I'd run a bloody mile, OP.

Katgurl

I'm gonna disagree with most the other posters here. She is defo into you but she is a bit of a chaos-magnet (I am too so I can spot the signs) and doesn't know how to articulate herself. She sees your attempts at respect as rejection and possibly got together with boyfriend to make you jealous. Asking you did you have anything to say to her was her way of trying to drag information out of you.

If you're really into her just tell her you like her and want to give things a bash. She is clearly gonna be a bit of hard work though so be prepared to be patient with her.

fallen01angel

Hi Op,
I'm not sure I have this straight in my head but here goes-you've known this girl about 14 months,she was going out with a guy since you've known her,but she broke up with him last night.You really like her,finally told her as much and her response was "you don't love me"......Have I got it right??
Seriously OP you need to go far far away from this girl,1st of all she has being at the very minimum flirting(I don't think you actually mentioned being with her,but if you were upgrade flirting to cheating) with you behind the back of the then boyfriend and 2nd to go whinging on about "you don't love me" when ye haven't even being on the 1st date yet is ridiculous to say the very least.Whether she means to be or not she's playing games.

woodsie72

youre confused,so is she,dont dwell on things too long get some exercise or do what you like doing best,distract yourself,let her know your feelings after a few days and leave the ball in her court......:o