Standing up for girlfriend

LegacyUser

I need some advice on how to broach a thorny subject with one of my girlfriend’s family member.

My girlfriend is a size 16 and falling. She has lost 3 stone and I fully commend her for it. Shes alot happier and is well on the way to shedding all the excess weight to reach her target - which is a healthy one and not some unrealistic goal that will make her miserable trying to achieve.
I have always been a healthy weight and level of fitness, probably due to my family being very sporty. I had the physical education that she did not. But she is learning and I'm proud of her.

She was not always fat. It piled on after an accident. Her meds were very strong and she was laid up for months. It was a gain that could not be helped. but now she is pain free and moving on.

Here is my problem. In her head she is still fat. She has a few chunks on her still sure, but Im starting to notice that the language she uses to describe her progress is becoming negative. One of her very close relatives (immediate family) bullies her about her weight, even though she thinks by saying cruel things (home truths in her head) to her that its encouraging her to lose the weight. I really want to <Mod Snip> when they say these things, but I'm never around for it as she visits there alone most of the time. She does not feel good about losing the weight, just stressed about losing the rest of it when she leaves. Its like every sense of achievement is sucked out of her when she enters that kip.

I dont want this to go on any longer. She sees this person, at least once a month and talks on the phone every day - I can accept that (no choice in the matter) but Im starting to froth at the mouth even just thinking about what was said to her the other day. She was basically told she had an eating disorder and that she was greedy. I know she felt humiliated because when she came home and had her dinner (which I cook every night now) she went walking and spent close on two hours pounding the pavements trying to burn the food she had taken in off. I can see this all leading to a very disturbed girlfriend and I am not up for that at all in any way shape or form.

I know if I spoke to the person about this it would cause war for my stepping in and I dont want to put any spanners in the works. The family member does genuinely adore my gf, its just that their tact leaves alot to be desired. However, I will step in if I see this getting to where I'm thinking it will go. And if that means war, so be it. I’m not having this shy te going on in her head worrying about every bite she is putting in her mouth and making losing the weight not an enjoyable lifestyle choice.

My plan is to approach it with diplomacy the first time. I know this wont work and so after that ill start booting behinds until they get the message.

Any suggestions for the first approach would be most welcome as I'm not the finest philosopher or diplomat Ireland has produced! I need to let her know that shes not helping with her barbed remarks and that a bit of encouragement would go alot further or just can it altogeather if she cant offer anything constructive. There is no praise for losing the weight, just disgust that it was put on in the first place. Its a sign of weakness in her eyes and only people who have let themselves go are fat. Ill stop there cos I can feel the blood starting to pluse in my ears, but if anyone could throw me a bone here, I would appreciate it. I am going to lay it on the table for the gf as to how I feel about this tonight because it has gone on long enough and its time to step in now the more I think about it. She is a gorgeous girl and I hate seeing her think she is ugly. I dont want to turn this into a super issue with her either as she is self concious enough as it is. Shes the shy type most of the time, but does have a streak that can cut you in half if you push too hard.

Thanks for reading - typing in bad temper does not give a clear articulation of my upset at all this.

Big Bag of Chips

Fumin so I am wrote: »

I need to let her know that shes not helping with her barbed remarks and that a bit of encouragement would go alot further

Just say that then!

Kevin Duffy

Have you asked you GF why she hasn't challenged this? What you see as standing up for her may well be seen as interfering and it might be best for her family relationships and her self-confidence if she confronts it herself, if she wants to.

Daisy M

My mother was always at this non stop didnt matter what size I was, didnt matter what I said, or what my husband said though it did stop in front of him when she saw how unimpressed he was. It eventually stopped because one day she said something really cruel in front of my sister and instead of retaliating or ignoring her as I usually did, I ended up leaving in tears. My sister KILLED her! And you know what she still could'nt see she was wrong but because my sister rarely gets cross it had some effect and that was the end of years and years of put downs about my weight, sadly not about other things though.:)
I would suggest that when you hear this person making the comments hust in a light hearted manner tell them that those comments really upset your gf and they obviously were unaware of this or they wouldnt be making them. Next time you hear them at it ask them have they forgotten what you said about those comments been upsetting, behave puzzled like your confused as to why they would behave like this, hopefully they will get the hint and if not then it needs to be said straight out.