Lack of affection in new relationship

LegacyUser

Hi... so basically I've been seeing this new guy for about 6/7 weeks now and I'm beginning to wonder whats going on. Basically he did all the chasing, asked me out, texts me everyday, invites me out regularly etc. The weird part is, he can be really hard to read... The first few times we met up were in the pub so it was hard to judge what he was really like but he seemed quite confident and into me. Since then we've met up several times sober and I really like him but he's not at all affectionate with me. Sometimes he'll grab my hand to hold, or put his hand on my leg, but most of the time we dont really interact until he leaves, at which point I get a quick kiss goodbye...

Now I know most people might think why amn't I initiating it if its bothering me, but I guess his lack of affection is kind of making me self conscious. Everytime before I see him I think to myself I'll just try being a bit more forward but then we meet up and I get this weird vibe from him, like he's restless or something. Its really wreckin my head now, I'm just wondering is it a sign he's not really into me? Which I wouldnt understand cause he always wants to meet up again. Or is he shy? Any advice on how I could be more affectionate?? Also, he has never once complimented me...or said he likes me or anything like that. And he only texts that hes looking forward to seeing me etc. never says it in person. I'm just really confused, I'd appreciate any insight into whats going on!

Curry Addict

sounds like he may be very nervous and reserved without the few beers in him. maybe if you take the lead a little, he may come out of his shell.

jellybean2010

Oh goodness, i read this and i felt as though i'd written it myself....I am in exactly the same predicament, he initiates about 80% of the meeting up, but we only have physical contact when we are saying goodbye... i like him a lot, and the lack of contact makes me feel uncertain too? this guy is perfect in every other way, very attentive with texting etc.

looking forward to hearing the feedback!

Ickle Magoo

unregistered wrote: »

Hi... so basically I've been seeing this new guy for about 6/7 weeks now and I'm beginning to wonder whats going on. Basically he did all the chasing, asked me out, texts me everyday, invites me out regularly etc. The weird part is, he can be really hard to read... The first few times we met up were in the pub so it was hard to judge what he was really like but he seemed quite confident and into me. Since then we've met up several times sober and I really like him but he's not at all affectionate with me. Sometimes he'll grab my hand to hold, or put his hand on my leg, but most of the time we dont really interact until he leaves, at which point I get a quick kiss goodbye...

Now I know most people might think why amn't I initiating it if its bothering me, but I guess his lack of affection is kind of making me self conscious. Everytime before I see him I think to myself I'll just try being a bit more forward but then we meet up and I get this weird vibe from him, like he's restless or something. Its really wreckin my head now, I'm just wondering is it a sign he's not really into me? Which I wouldnt understand cause he always wants to meet up again. Or is he shy? Any advice on how I could be more affectionate?? Also, he has never once complimented me...or said he likes me or anything like that. And he only texts that hes looking forward to seeing me etc. never says it in person. I'm just really confused, I'd appreciate any insight into whats going on!

Do you think the restlessness could be him having an argument with himself about how he should be making more of a move? Perhaps he's self-concious and shy and so has to wait until the socially acceptable time of leaving? Why not make it easier for him and grab his hand - or when you meet grab him and give him a snog and break the ice, so to speak?

He could be so nervous he's missing your cues as to just how receptive to physical affections you are so you either need to be even more obvious, or just bite the bullet and take the lead.

All the best you!

Emme

It's sad that the guys who are reserved, respect women and take their time are seen as reticent because of the behaviour of other guys who want everything all at once. The latter guys don't stick around once they get what they want.

If this guy he initiates contact, calls when he says he'll call etc. then he's into you. He might not be all hands but if the physical contact is building up slowly then he's more interested in a long-term thing.

If you like him it's worth hanging in there.

gmac102

Im like that with ppl until I am really comfortable with them, Im not an affection person until Im in love I guess. I remember my ex would have to ease into holding my hand and whatnot! It actually would send me into a panic. Im a child of abuse tho so thats my reason. Im saying that because I believe we all behave the way we do for a reason.

Altho he woudlnt meet up with you if he wasnt into you. FACT

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for the responses. I guess he could be shy... Its just really throwing me off now because the first few weeks we saw each other we were quite affectionate towards each other (when drinkin etc) and now suddenly it seems to be disappearing. Is it weird to hang out with someone new that you're seeing for a few hours and not be cuddly at all? Sometimes we don't even kiss when he leaves, a quick hug. We're like friends! He really doesnt seem like a shy person in any other aspect of his life so this is really buggin me. And the longer it goes on the harder it is for me to be forward, I'm beginning to analyze everything argh I've never had this issue with exs, it has always been natural chemistry. So maybe we just don't have that?

Uriel.

unregistered wrote: »

Its just really throwing me off now because the first few weeks we saw each other we were quite affectionate towards each other (when drinkin etc) and now suddenly it seems to be disappearing.

The bolded bit is probably the key here OP. With drink he has lower inhibitions and more confidence etc.. and will be more affectionate.

He really doesnt seem like a shy person in any other aspect of his life so this is really buggin me.

He may really like you and that is causing the shyness and lack of confidence and he is out of his comfort zone. The other parts of his life where he seems confident, may simply be well within his comfort zone and this shows his confident side. You and him are new so that comfort zone is not there.

it has always been natural chemistry. So maybe we just don't have that?

Unfortunately OP, this could also be the cause. Although if you both like each other the chemistry may still come once the initial awkwardness has passed. YOu may need to either lead on this... or basically ask him

Miss Fluff

You know what OP? I think it's time that you two had a bit of Dutch Courage and go out on the lash together. A proper session. You're still in the getting to know you stage and you mentioned every date has been a sober one. I'm not for a second saying you need to base your relationship on getting hammered but I do think in the early days that a few drinkiepoos can loosen inhibitions if there's an element of nervousness/him being REALLY into you. Go out on the piss and see where that leads...!