Jealousy / low self esteem

LegacyUser

I am annoyed and embarassed in even writing this but need to get it off my chest. I know it's irrational but it's really getting in on me lately.

I'm in a realtionship for over 10 years, two children and seemingly happy. Have a job, relatively ok money wise, etc.

The thing is, I am not exactly my girlfriend's type and I know it. I don't think I'm particularly attractive, and though I try to be, I am not a man's man in any way.

My gf is attracted to the rough type, bald heads etc, and that's been pretty ok for me to handle for a long time. She was in a long term relationship before, and one night went back to a house with a guy who would be everything she would find physically attractive. She claims nothing serious happened, and that it was a kiss and cuddle.

The thing is, I know this fella, and never really let it bother me for ages. Just recently though, I met him and he asked me to do a small favour for a family member of his, which I did.

Since then though, I have gotten these really vivid ideas of what may have went on that night ( the fact it's over 10 years ago doesn't seem to make it easier ). I started thinking he might be laughing at me helping him out as he had been " with " my gf, and might know that more went on than I know.

I also started thinking that if she cheated on a previous bf, she might on me also. I can't say it to her as I know it's crazy thinking, and by saying anything I'd be reminding her of the night it happened.

I'm asking for advice even though I know what it will be but I can't seem to stop the vivid thoughts lately.

Thanks for listening : )

LegacyUser

I wouldn't say anything to her first off.

Secondly, she didn't cheat on you. She chose you to marry and

It was 10 years ago - that's a very long time ago.

It probably hasn't even dawned on yer man - he was with your wife before she got together with you.

SlimCi

Ok here goes, I married a man soooooo....not my type and truth be told my type is the big brawny rugby type! However with my husband I actually was really attracted to his mind and everything else faded into the ether. I chose him to marry and have my son with and am glad I did. I was engaged to a "man's man" before I met my husband and spent the most unhappy five years of my life. You give me the impression that you feel you don't deserve your gf. You really need to talk to her about how you are feeling and start to rebuild your self esteem because if you keep talking yourself down in your mind this will become a self fulfilling prophesy.

Big Bag of Chips

You will end up talking yourself out of this relationship.

Has your gf ever given you any impression that she doesn't love you?

Physical attractiveness is only one part of the attraction between a couple. Are you only with your gf because you think she's hot?! Is that the only thing you like about her? Even though you are with your gf 10 years, have you ever seen another woman who you thought was good looking?

I am with my husband over 11 years. He is definitely not my "type"! My type is Dermot O'Leary! But there's more to him than the shape of his face or the colour of his hair etc. I still see men who I think are good looking, as my husband still sees women he thinks are good looking. We didn't suddenly become blind to everyone in the world once we got together.. but that's all it is.. we think someone is good looking. It doesn't mean we love each other any less.. or that we have any inclination of chasing the "hottie"!

You know your feelings are irrational, so I don't think anything anyone here says will "fix" you. But maybe talking to your gf will help. Be reassured, but don't dwell on it.

There's nothing more unattractive than a whingey man... !!

analucija

Mum tells me story how her and coworkers were watching a parade and one of them said "look at that one. I would never marry somebody as ugly as him." They were married couple of years latter.

It wouldn't be that bad if you would talk to some professional about this. I don't want to be flippant but you know yourself what you feel is irrational so maybe it wouldn't be bad to find out some technics how to deal with it. In a way it also smells a little bit of mid-life crisis.

terrlobe

annoyedwithmyself wrote: »

I am annoyed and embarassed in even writing this but need to get it off my chest. I know it's irrational but it's really getting in on me lately.

I'm in a realtionship for over 10 years, two children and seemingly happy. Have a job, relatively ok money wise, etc.

The thing is, I am not exactly my girlfriend's type and I know it. I don't think I'm particularly attractive, and though I try to be, I am not a man's man in any way.

My gf is attracted to the rough type, bald heads etc, and that's been pretty ok for me to handle for a long time. She was in a long term relationship before, and one night went back to a house with a guy who would be everything she would find physically attractive. She claims nothing serious happened, and that it was a kiss and cuddle.

The thing is, I know this fella, and never really let it bother me for ages. Just recently though, I met him and he asked me to do a small favour for a family member of his, which I did.

Since then though, I have gotten these really vivid ideas of what may have went on that night ( the fact it's over 10 years ago doesn't seem to make it easier ). I started thinking he might be laughing at me helping him out as he had been " with " my gf, and might know that more went on than I know.

I also started thinking that if she cheated on a previous bf, she might on me also. I can't say it to her as I know it's crazy thinking, and by saying anything I'd be reminding her of the night it happened.

I'm asking for advice even though I know what it will be but I can't seem to stop the vivid thoughts lately.

Thanks for listening : )

Ring the Jeremy Kyle show and get her to do a lie detector test