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Is he the one

  • 21-09-2011 1:37am
    #1
    disheartened
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1 ✭


    Hi,
    I have a nagging feeling about my relationship and would like some objective advise. We have been together for about six months and I am confused. We met through friends and did not really talk much until he asked me out, and while I thought he was funny, sweet and attractive; I did not think it would develop very far- I didn't think we clicked, sometimes we struggled to hold a conversation, although this was my problem, the man could talk for Ireland. And he didn't seem to notice or mind what I thought of as the awkward silences or the little in common we had, even when I brought it up. You are probably wondering why I went out with him at all, but I really wanted to and thought there was no harm in a few dates with a guy I thought was cute.
    I have gotten more comfortable with him and we have both expressed the phrase I love you. I believe I do- I miss him when he isn't near me, I can't wait to tell him everything. And the idea of us not being together scares me. However sometimes I get bored when I am with him, and that leads to both of us being agitated with each other. I also don't fully trust him, I don't socialize with him mainly because I cant stand the idea of him paying another girl more attention then me or compare me to another girl. So we spend a lot of time alone, and we seem to be "intimate" a lot. More then I think is umm ok, and I worry that I use it to substitute it for well everything else, or perhaps our "intimacy" is the glue that keeps us together although he says that he wouldn't care if we never did again, and while I have tried that, I find I fall back on "intimacy". And while for the most part I am 100% sure this is THE guy, sometimes I worry that MAYBE I am confused,that maybe I am confusing my feelings with something else.


Comments

  • #2
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    disheartened wrote: »
    he didn't seem to notice or mind what I thought of as the awkward silences or the little in common we had, even when I brought it up.

    How soon did you say this to him? Maybe he doesnt feel the need to talk all the time.... What do you mean little in common?
    disheartened wrote: »
    sometimes I get bored when I am with him, and that leads to both of us being agitated with each other.

    So you are bored and it leads to both of you being agitated. Can you explain?
    disheartened wrote: »
    I also don't fully trust him, I don't socialize with him mainly because I cant stand the idea of him paying another girl more attention then me or compare me to another girl.

    Ok now - well why are you with him if you dont trust him, find him boring and have nothing in common other than sex??
    disheartened wrote: »
    So we spend a lot of time alone, and we seem to be "intimate" a lot.

    Well see above??? If its all you have in common....

    This is very strange indeed. He seems happy out but, from what you have posted, you are hell bent on destructing this relationship.... Any ideas why?


  • #3
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I don't know the dynamics of your relationship but it doesn't sound an awful lot like love to me. Boredom, lack of conversation, little in common, lack of trust, jealousy, scared of being alone and you only believe you love him...after only six months it doesn't sound like all the fun and fireworks that a brand new relationship should be.

    It is possible to meet people that we get on with, care about and have no huge issues with that still aren't right for us. You need to make sure this relationship has the right balance of support and respect as well as challenging you - it sounds like it has all of the former and none of the latter...


  • #4
    Magicmatilda
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 601 ✭✭✭Magicmatilda


    I have a few questions. Has he given you reason not to trust him? Or do you have problems with trust in general?

    I don't know any woman that would be comfortable with her partner giving another woman more attention or comparing her to other women, yet it does not stop them going out and socialising together. I am curious as to why this holds you back?

    Also when you say you are intimate more often than you think is the norm, why is that? He doesn't appear to be putting pressure on you? And I would have thought it is the norm for an new couple to have regular sex. I assume that's what you mean by intimacy though the two should not be confused. Intimacy requires trust which you admit to not having. Which begs the question why you didn't use the word sex?

    You say you love him but what about him do you love? I don't think you said.


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