How can I stop being so heartbroken?

LegacyUser

Hi,

It's been about a month since my ex boyfriend broke up with me and I feel like my heartbreak is getting worse instead of better. I've been crying for the last hour or two and I just think getting this out might help me.

We went out for about two and a half years and during this I had a difficult time with my ex as he used to regularly binge drink to the point were he would have a seizure. He would lie to my face about what he was drinking, how much he was drinking, when he'd clearly had enough he would refuse to listen to me, when I would ask him to switch to soft drinks etc he'd call me controlling or ignore me. Then he'd either fall over slurring his words, or seize.

I tried so many times to talk to him about it, I'd beg, cry, reason, even told him I'd leave him but the truth is that I loved him and even though I knew that only he could help himself I still wanted to be with him.

Things came to a head when I went away for a few weeks and I had asked him to use the time to get his head together and look after himself, but when he joined me for the last two weeks everything just imploded. On the last night he went missing for ten hours for a binge drinking session, came back not able to stand but still able to shout at me and throw things about the room, and told me that we were over. His wallet and phone had also been stolen. Probably by a prostitute.
I had to carry him to the airport and when he vomited at the check in, I had to get him cleared by the airport doctor.

Obviously I didn't have a problem being broken up at that point, but when we got home he spent the next few weeks convincing me to get back together. It didn't really go that smoothly, and I found it very difficult to trust him. He was very frustrated by this, couldn't seem to understand why it might be that I found intimacy a little difficult.

Anyway, I started feeling much better about us, and thought everything was going well, when I had a problem with a separate issue altogether a few weeks ago. During this time I turned my phone off as I was receiving harassing phone calls. He used this as an excuse to break up with me, said he was sick of everything being on my terms.

If this is true I can't understand why he couldn't help me when I was feeling down for two weeks when I spent over two years being there for him?

I since found out from someone else that during this time he was arranging dates and has now replaced me with someone else. It's literally only been four weeks and I can't understand it at all? He spent so much energy convincing me he loved me it doesn't make sense:(

I know that he has done me the biggest favor of my life, but I just can't stop feeling so hurt and sad. The last week I've been the worst, and tonight I can't stop crying. I keep thinking that I wasn't good enough and that he'll do everything right now with someone else.
I am trying my absolute hardest not to contact him, as I know it won't help me and I don't want to be that girl:(

I'm sorry this is so incoherent, I'm tired and upset. Thanks for reading if you got this far though!

LegacyUser

It sounds like he did you a favour OP but I know it takes time to get over a relationship. I have found that the first month is the worst, and each gets progressively better after that. No contact is really teh best policy. Who cares if he's seeing someone else. I'd feel sorry for her actually. Better not to know what he's at at all.

It does take time to remove and disentangle someone from your life but you will get there and you will be happy again.

LegacyUser

Thank you amisilly and Sunflower for the replies!

Everything you both have said makes complete sense and are things that I have already been telling myself, but I think I was expecting to be able to talk myself out of being upset. I feel like because he treated me unkindly I have no reason to feel so sad, that I'm being silly. Obviously emotions don't realise that! Hopefully I'll stop being so teary soon, at least it's in private anyway.

I keep wanting to email him or text him, but I know there's no point. I'm struggling with the knowledge that he is seeing someone else so quickly but I have to just let that go and look after myself I suppose. With regards to that girl I feel only a mild pity for her, so at least that's something! I don't want to let this make me a bitter person and I'm very aware of how I'm thinking and feeling....

If nothing else at least I will learn from this, just because someone is a nice person doesn't mean they are being fair to me etc.

Sunflower27, please don't take this the wrong way but it was really nice to hear that you went out with someone similar and came out of it better! I really appreciated that:)

LegacyUser

heartbrokenandsad wrote: »

Thank you amisilly and Sunflower for the replies!

Everything you both have said makes complete sense and are things that I have already been telling myself, but I think I was expecting to be able to talk myself out of being upset. I feel like because he treated me unkindly I have no reason to feel so sad, that I'm being silly. Obviously emotions don't realise that! Hopefully I'll stop being so teary soon, at least it's in private anyway.

I keep wanting to email him or text him, but I know there's no point. I'm struggling with the knowledge that he is seeing someone else so quickly but I have to just let that go and look after myself I suppose. With regards to that girl I feel only a mild pity for her, so at least that's something! I don't want to let this make me a bitter person and I'm very aware of how I'm thinking and feeling....

If nothing else at least I will learn from this, just because someone is a nice person doesn't mean they are being fair to me etc.

Sunflower27, please don't take this the wrong way but it was really nice to hear that you went out with someone similar and came out of it better! I really appreciated that:)

I also went through a break up earlier in the year. I found it really frustrating that I couldnt just flick a switch and make things better again.

Theres a process you have to go through which involves feeling like sh1t for quite a while. You cant speed it up, but it does slowly get better and one day you'll be over it. I felt physically ill for about a month but thats gone now. I still miss him from time to time, but less as time goes on. He's only a legend in my head now as the contact was cut and you cant maintain the same feelings for someone when you dont see or hear from them.

you'll get there