Think my adoption was illegal....

cinders07

Hi all, I'm new to this site and although I have half thought about searching for my bm in the past, it's only now that I think I'm ready to do it.
I have four beautiful children and my eldest came home with family tree homework last week and that was it-I decided I at least had to try and find out medical history if nothing else. I would also love to know a few little details for myself that others take for granted, like, what weight was I when I was born.
However, I have one major problem. I think I may have been illegally adopted. I was born in '77 in Holles Street but my birth cert states I was born at home and that my adoptove parents are my parents full stop.
My dad died when I was very young and my mum always told me that if I wanted to search when I was older she would help me. She gave me the reason I was given up and told me my bm was in her early 30's. She said the adoption agency was now shut and she couldn't remember it's name or where it was?!
She's been very ill with depression the last few years and when I ask her anything about anything now she claims her memory is really bad with all the medication; so there's no point in trying to get more info from her and I really don't want to start a fight with my mum about it. The only thing is if I start contacting the adoption authority etc. can my bm get into any trouble if indeed my adoption wasn't legal?
Thanks so much,
Cinders

The_Conductor

Cinders- if the adoption was not formally registered- its highly likely that the Adoption Authority may have no records whatsoever pertaining to the adoption.

If I were in your position- I'd gently broach it with your Mum whether it was ok to go through her papers- I'm sure she has kept letters and/or other correspondence with whoever facilitated the adoption.

There were a few agencies who flew under the radar and acted for all intents and purposes as baby gods- procuring children for those who for one reason or another were unable to have them themselves. Several of these were in the greater Dublin area.

You need to gather whatever information is out there- and get a clearer foundation on which to begin your search.

Best wishes,

Shane

cinders07

Thanks Shane....looks like I'll probably never find out anything so. But I will follow your advice, gather my strength and broach the subject with her. I really appreciate your reply.

The_Conductor

cinders07 wrote: »

Thanks Shane....looks like I'll probably never find out anything so. But I will follow your advice, gather my strength and broach the subject with her. I really appreciate your reply.

Seriously do. Most of the agencies habitually sent cards and letters to adoptive parents for years after the adoptions, soliciting 'donations', its entirely possible that there may be paperwork there that you're unaware of.

tyview

Just wondering if your parents have any siblings they were close to? If your mother is not 'remembering' then maybe see if any other family members know anything. Keep plugging away at it little by little if needs be. Write down anything (no matter how small) you find out. It might take a while but dont give up hope! If you dont fight for it, nobody else will...

cinders07

tyview wrote: »

Just wondering if your parents have any siblings they were close to? If your mother is not 'remembering' then maybe see if any other family members know anything. Keep plugging away at it little by little if needs be. Write down anything (no matter how small) you find out. It might take a while but dont give up hope! If you dont fight for it, nobody else will...

I have a very small pool of people I can quiz, but I am working on that one at the mo...great minds think alike

castie

Hey OP,

When I traced I didnt get any information from my parents at all.
I just began sending emails to the southern healthboard adoption department. (Im in Cork)
From this they were able to give me details they had on record.

In my case the place that handled my adoption had since closed and all their records were transfered.
So dont let the fact that you cant get any details stop you.
Send some emails/letters/phone calls and they may have records.

michele marie

cinders07 wrote: »

Thanks Shane....looks like I'll probably never find out anything so. But I will follow your advice, gather my strength and broach the subject with her. I really appreciate your reply.

Hi there,

I think you would really like to find out about your roots and you should go for it. I may have missed parts of this thread but what makes you think it was illegal? Your adopted Mum clearly wanted you but because of her depression is not in a position to tell you an awful lot right now. I am adopted and remember when I brought up the subject with my adopted mum she told me that it was best to let it be, that it was not something that we should really talk about. She also suffered depression. I pestered and searched for documents or letters around my house as I felt a real need to connect with my birth mum. To cut a long story short I succeeded in finding my birth mum. I dont think you should give up and why not contact the adoption board. I personally think it is important to know where you came from but let me just say that it can be a lonely journey. Good luck and all the best.

cinders07

I know that my original post was months ago, but I just wanted to thank you all for the advice and support and to give a little update...

I found out a small piece of information from an aunt; from there wrote a letter and last week got a call in response to my letter saying that my half sister had also got in touch with the same person looking for information about me!

Long story short; she rang me today and we had a lovely, long conversation and plan to meet soon

Moonbeam

That is good news:)
I hope it goes well.

mamafi

Ok folks here we go...hubby( who was adopted) has found out that 1 of his birth brothers was adopted but the social worker says that there is no record about it. We went to the gro and found hubbys original birth cert and 1 of his brother's birth( also adopted) certs but the brother that there is no adoption record of does not have a birth cert that we could find. We have his name that birth mother gave him, birth mothers name and his year of birth but we could not find his birth cert. The lads birth mam has passed away and she was an only child so we have nobody from the birth family to give any more info...Any ideas...Social worker thinks that they would be wasting their time trying to find out anything..

The_Conductor

Mamafi- contact the Adoption Authority. From the sparse details you've posted here- it sounds like you may be right- but its best to try all possible sources of information before drawing conclusions.

With respect of the original birth cert- did you try the other books for the year in question (aka ignoring both the name and the date of birth)- very often entries are stuck in at the back of the books, out of order with the other entries, and indeed on occasion they may even be in the previous or latter year.

You have your siblings original name- do you have his original date of birth? If so- the adopted children's register may be a port of call- if you look about a year after the date of birth, this would correspond with the signing of the final relinquishment documents.

If any of us here can offer any suggestions- please don't hesitate to ask.

KInd regards,

Shane

mamafi

Shane just a quick question.do the social workers not have contact with the Adoption Authority.I would have thought that they would have access to all adoption records.Saying that I don't have much faith in the social workers.Hubby gave his a photo of our kids and told her all about them and a few days later when she passed the letter and photo on to his bro she told him that only some of the kids were ours and that the other one must be a cousin or friend..Not a good sign...she told hubby 1 thing about his birth siblings (who were all adopted ) and told his brother something totally different..do these people not realise how important all this info is to people like hubby and his bro..they must get it right...there is no reason why is should be different...sorry about the rant

The_Conductor

mamafi wrote: »

Shane just a quick question.do the social workers not have contact with the Adoption Authority.I would have thought that they would have access to all adoption records.Saying that I don't have much faith in the social workers.Hubby gave his a photo of our kids and told her all about them and a few days later when she passed the letter and photo on to his bro she told him that only some of the kids were ours and that the other one must be a cousin or friend..Not a good sign...she told hubby 1 thing about his birth siblings (who were all adopted ) and told his brother something totally different..do these people not realise how important all this info is to people like hubby and his bro..they must get it right...there is no reason why is should be different...sorry about the rant

Social workers would not automatically have access to the Adoption Authority- or indeed records in the care of the HSE, though they could request access to either (or both) depending on the nature of the case. Whether or not the Adoption Authority would release information to the social worker, is questionable, as strictly speaking the duty of care that the Adoption Authority extends to its cases (yes, I know people might question this) would not necessarily be afforded to people they consider to be third parties (such as the social worker).

You're perfectly fine to rant- and it is deeply worrying (not to mention unfair) the way the social worker is toying with your husband and his brother's emotions. The social worker must be more than a little thick, to be perfectly honest, that he or she is unable to keep their story straight.

I would emphasise what I tell everyone- while its good to get information from social workers (or elsewhere) view it with suspicion until such time as you have corroborated it elsewhere. Even when social workers or others genuinely think they are being helpful- there is nothing to say that the information in their files is accurate to begin with- and once they've interpreted inaccurate information, anonymised it, and relayed the resulting watered down information to you- it may bear no semblence whatsoever to reality.

Most of us like to believe the best of people- and like to think we're not deliberately being fed fairystories- however this also happens. The number of people fed saccharin sweet fairy stories that are only missing hopping bunnies- is nothing short of a scandal in its own right.

Get whatever information you can from the social worker, and indeed take whatever solace and happiness you can from it- but make sure that you corroborate it elsewhere........

The lack of respect afforded to adopted people in Ireland is bewildering, I had to give a wry smile at the wonderful news in Australia where Julia Gillard has at long last apologised for forced adoptions that were rife there, and has undertaken to help in any way adopted people and their families- its a pity the Irish government don't have the balls to offer a similar apology to the over 40,000 adopted people in Ireland and those who were shipped overseas.

mamafi

Thanks Shane for all the info
so do you think that the lads next port of call should be the Adoption Authority. We have been to the gro and found birth certs for hubby and his youngest sibling but none for any of the others even though sw is saying that 5 of them were adopted.We were given names that bmother gave them and year of birth but maybe these were not correct...will have to keep searching and see what happens...
will keep you posted

The_Conductor

Definitely seek non-identifying information from the Adoption Authority- if you haven't already done so. In practice they will tell you to go to the agency who handled your adoption in the first instance- and you're not going to get information on other children from them- but get whatever they'll give you- and use it to keep going through the birth certs, the adopted children's register and other official documentation. If the adoption authority were able to confirm the existence of the 5 other children- at least you'd know then that you weren't on a wild goose chase- but you are going to have leg work to do nonetheless.

Let us know how things go,

Shane