"Why don't you take a multivitamin?"

I was just wondering how other people dealt with people questioning time taken off work or asking why you're always sick, assuming it's just a cold or the flu?

I'm a lot better off than many of you on here, but I have several different conditions which mean I need to take half days and sometimes entire days off work fairly regularly for tests and scans. I look perfectly healthy, except for being tired and run down a lot (probably a result of my bowel issues) and every time I take a day off, I get comments like 'why don't you eat more fruit?' or 'why don't you take vitamins?', as if stuff like that is going to make any difference to a hormonal disorder or gyno issues (and, as it happens, I already eat very well and exercise 4x per week). For some reason, nobody ever seems to understand the concept of needing tests done or having to visit a doctor without being 'sick' or having a really serious condition.

I don't really feel like explaining, as it's quite personal, but it really annoys me when people just assume you're taking a day off to go to the GP with the sniffles. I have to take 3 half days off in the next month for hormone tests, a colposcopy for precancerous cells and to see someone about my skin problems, all at the hospital. What do you tell people?

Hersheys

I tell my boss that I've tests in hospital and will go into detail if required. Normally he's okay with it though. He can see that I work through the pain when I'm needed to and only take time off for hospital visits. I try my best to schedule appointments around work as much as possible.

But for telling colleagues, its a different story. Like you, I have bowel issues. I'm still undergoing tests so I'm in hospital or my GP every few weeks getting bloods/scans/scopes/results. I'm a pretty private person - I don't tend to discuss my bowel issues with people, so I normally just tell them that I've a hospital appointment but never discuss what's going on.

It's a difficult one really. Dealing with the "stigma" attached to illness.

star-pants

I'm the same, I'll have a quiet word with my supervisor/boss about what the appointments for and to others if they ask if I'm off I'll just say 'oh I've an appointment'.

I get sick a lot too which is annoying, I hate asking can I leave early, so I tend to try and stick it out as long as I can so it doesn't seem too bad if I ask an hour before home time or something.
I hate that 'can you not take multivitamins?' thing - I can actually say back to them though 'no, they make me sick' because they do for some stupid reason. Not that that would cure me, but they'd do me good.

With taking time off for appointments, I like to make sure my supervisor/boss knows I'm not taking the mick, I'll even get a note from the hospital / doctor just to have on file because there's no harm having proof (not that they always require it).

Some of them can see I'm not well, if I'm limping or have my wrists splinted. They don't really make a fuss as such but might offer to help if I'm doing something which is nice.
I am very conscious though about how much time off I'm taking / why / if they know or not.

wclane

I find this issue very difficult, almost to the point of cancelling necessary hospital appts so as not to have to draw attention to my health. I always give hospital letter to my boss and my work is left for me to do afterwards but still I find it very awkward. My colleagues assume I'm off, enjoying myself somewhere and as I dont look sick it's hard for them to understand. I have at least 6 hospital appts a year, sometimes double that if something is wrong. Legally I'm entitled to the time off but I still find it hard to take it

star-pants

wclane I can understand that.
I know when I had an unpleasant appointment, some of the girls were 'ooh off tomorrow? shopping maybe? lovely to be off!' and whilst part of you doesn't want to tell them why, you also don't want them thinking you're off dossing! It can be awkward indeed.

cltt97

You mustn't forget that it is impossible to "imagine" pain or illness, I remember looking at people with back pain thinking "jeez, it can't be that bad" until I got it myself... Same as my autoimmune disease, I would have never in a million years thought that hormones can play such havoc. And you can see it in people's eyes, they look at you, and they try to understand and to be empathetic but you can tell they really don't know what you're talking about and you know they're thinking "jeez I hope I'll never get this" or what not else. But I don't blame them, no one really wants to be reminded how fragile our lives really are. I'm quite open about my ailments and my colleagues always know when I'm off for a blood test or to the consultant or whatever. The way I see it, it's not my fault, I did not chose to be ill, and I'm doing my best to get better. It's much more exhausting to try and pretend and try and keep up, so my strategy is blunt honesty...

star-pants

star-pants wrote: »

wclane I can understand that.
I know when I had an unpleasant appointment, some of the girls were 'ooh off tomorrow? shopping maybe? lovely to be off!' and whilst part of you doesn't want to tell them why, you also don't want them thinking you're off dossing! It can be awkward indeed.

This is one of the worst parts for me, that people just assume you're doing something nice. I know they mean no harm and are just making conversation, but when you're dying of nerves and dreading what you're going to find out at the hospital, it's awful when people keep saying how lucky you are to be off.

It's difficult, though, because I think talking about your medical woes makes other people uncomfortable and come across as quite bitter. There's a guy in work with a medical condition and every time he's off, he talks about all the horrible tests he had done. It's probably because he's tired of having people think he's dossing, but I wouldn't really want to be like that either. It's frustrating when people just assume you're 100% healthy, though. I asked another person if that guy would be able to sort something out for me (he's a supervisor) and I was made to feel guilty, with people saying 'ah sure, don't bother him, he has enough on his plate with his illness.' But I have plenty to worry about too. I just don't talk about it. It seems a bit of a no-win situation, really. If you go on about it, you look like a moan. If you say nothing, people aren't understanding when you say you're wrecked or aren't in a great mood. I know that any time I mention being tired or my knees/back/abdomen hurting, people are thinking, 'ah what a spoiled brat' and assume I've been out drinking or something.

star-pants

Exactly, I don't want to be complaining.
I asked one of the guys in work recently did he not notice my wrist splints (I wear covers so they don't get mank) and he said 'oh yeah... I thought you were just being trendy'
That's grand for blending in and not drawing attention to yourself, but as you say, others may think you're being lazy or 'sure aren't we allll tired'. I know if people don't know about your illness how they are they know any better, that's fair enough. At the same time you don't want to have to explain why you're tired / limping /not eating just so people don't think you're a drama queen. You fear becoming a drama queen by indulging in your illness.

It can feel like a no-win situation at times. Do you tell them / have them not understand and then pity you, or you not tell them and have some of them think badly of you?

Growing up with my mother being so ill all the time, she mostly just got on with things. We just had to carry on, help out where we could and it just became part of normal life for me. That was the attitude I adopted, sort of a shrug - 'what can you do' type thing, get on with it. Whilst I might be in a lot of pain, so tired I want to cry, and would much rather crawl under my desk, I try not to let others know. Obviously I can't disguise splints too well, or cover up limping but I do try & not make a fuss. If I do talk to someone about it, I'm always apologising, thinking I'm complaining too much or that I'm being too depressing.

There are lots of people every day who suffer with different things and won't always let anyone know, so I don't think just because someone tells everyone about their illness that others who choose not to talk about theirs should be made feel bad.

It is really a difficult call sometimes. I'm lucky in where I work now that they seem to be quite nice about it. I was upfront in my interview about my illness (ok didn't go into biiig detail) but I wanted them to be aware of it. I get notes for GP visits or appointments, to have on file, I don't have to disclose what the appointments are, but I will tell them it's an appointment rather than a 'day off'. With colleagues, it depends on who it is, some I might say 'oh I've stuff to get done', someone else I might say 'ah I've a hospital appointment'.

Sorry I'm rambling now!