What do you think will happen to me?

Deus Ex Machina

Hello there. I just today confirmed that I shan't be returning to college this year: I've dropped out. It was a decision which was a long time coming, but it's here now. The following now sums me up:

Age: Early twenties (not going to be specific)

Qualifications: None, and I am not returning to college so that shall remain the case. I also lack any real work experience apart from waitering etc.

Co-curricular: I didn't manage to transition from being a promising sportsman in school to become a genuine performer in college, because I am, or I should say, was, studying abroad and had a hard enough time doing that without other distractions. This may seem a frivolous point but it is a great source of angst to me.

Social/relationships: I basically lost touch with all my friends from Ireland when I left to study abroad, and they were, quite reasonably, aggrieved by this, and have basically cut all ties with me for the most part. I also broke up with my girlfriend when I left, which I regret to an extent, but it was inevitable.

I believed that I was following my dream when I left to study abroad, but it was a nightmare, and it seems to have left me (with a lot of help from me I admit) with a husk of a life. I have gone from a precise plan to a complete emptiness, and I genuinely don't know where I am headed.

So, any ideas?

Edit: I should mention I am still abroad and will be for the next year.

Zen65

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

So, any ideas?

On balance of probability, your friends are less aggrieved than you may imagine, and would probably welcome you back into their social circle if you so wished. It's up to you to make the first move though.

Don't hang about feeling sorry for yourself. Go back to your old school and talk to the careers guidance teacher & consider what courses you might be able to get on to upskill yourself. So the sports thing didn't work out.... but you may still have a love of the sport? Maybe you could do volunteer work coaching younger people in disadvantaged areas? Talk to your local FÁS office about the Jobreach programme as an option to build up work experience. The main thing is to get yourself out & about, because otherwise you'll sit around letting that angst get the better of you.

Be at peace,

Z

snafuk35

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Hello there. I just today confirmed that I shan't be returning to college this year: I've dropped out. It was a decision which was a long time coming, but it's here now. The following now sums me up:

Age: Early twenties (not going to be specific)

Qualifications: None, and I am not returning to college so that shall remain the case. I also lack any real work experience apart from waitering etc.

Co-curricular: I didn't manage to transition from being a promising sportsman in school to become a genuine performer in college, because I am, or I should say, was, studying abroad and had a hard enough time doing that without other distractions. This may seem a frivolous point but it is a great source of angst to me.

Social/relationships: I basically lost touch with all my friends from Ireland when I left to study abroad, and they were, quite reasonably, aggrieved by this, and have basically cut all ties with me for the most part. I also broke up with my girlfriend when I left, which I regret to an extent, but it was inevitable.

I believed that I was following my dream when I left to study abroad, but it was a nightmare, and it seems to have left me (with a lot of help from me I admit) with a husk of a life. I have gone from a precise plan to a complete emptiness, and I genuinely don't know where I am headed.

So, any ideas?

Edit: I should mention I am still abroad and will be for the next year.

The long and short of it is if you don't get a college qualification you are doomed to low wage dead end jobs or welfare for the rest of your life.
Just because you dropped out of college doesn't mean you can't go back and do something again some other time.
But you need to start thinking hard about the future right now.
Any employer that is going to give you a long term job is going to ask you questions like 'Where do you see yourself in twenty years.'
Where do you want to be in twenty years? Do you want to married with kids and with a job, house mortgage, car, saving for your retirement etc.?
Well time and the universe are not going to wait for you to get yourself sorted out. Childhood is over and you have to start acting like an adult and take responsibility for yourself and not expect someone else to pick up after you.
You only have a limited time alive and after that you are stone cold dead for ever. So don't blow it.

thefeatheredcat

OK so you're early 20's so you have all of it still ahead of you! Having dropped out could have been the best thing, but the main thing is that you have gained some experience and well, realised exactly what you posted!

So what opportunities are available to you abroad now? Is there still someone you can talk to in the college you're in about your decision and what's next for you?

Dropping out of college isn't so bad... it's just a realisation that what you were doing isn't for you. So now you have to reassess what and where you want to be. I've had 2 siblings drop out of college, both got themselves trapped into jobs they hated for the sake of having a job (and feeling expected and obligated to just take anything too) rather than taking the time to sort themselves out with what they really wanted out of life and what they wanted to do and years later on the brink of realising the years have slipped away on them. Do you think that the sporting aspect you discovered can lead you to something more?

With your friends etc in Ireland... don't worry too much about that. actually don't think about it at all, because if you let yourself dwell on it, it will probably consume you in thinking: "I gave all that up for studying abroad, now look at me" which is an extremely negative way to end up thinking and will not serve you any good (as this seems how you come across a bit). So don't even go down that road. Dust yourself down from what happened and don't beat yourself over it with regrets, as all will be fine.

Get some clarity for yourself now you have made your decision and be prepared to take on a new aspect in your life. Consider what you really like - if the sports was something you found in college, than perhaps a lead of pursuit, but explore what options you have. But whatever you do, start acting on it all now that you have made the decision to keep yourself busy, motivated and doing something to enhance your life and your prospects.

Kablamo!

snafuk35 wrote: »

The long and short of it is if you don't get a college qualification you are doomed to low wage dead end jobs or welfare for the rest of your life.

OP, don't mind this. Plenty of people drop out of college, or even school, and go on to have successful careers. Where there's a will there's a way- don't listen to any scare-mongerers.

GreenFaery

Hey OP (I apologise for the long post!),

I was in Uni but decided to leave. At the time I was so worried about what I would do in the future. I spent some time researching the different things I could do and wanted to do and if/what training is needed. I knew I wasn't going to go back to college so I decided to do a computer related course (short, part time) and now I'm in employment.

If you want to get experience in different work environments, you could always volunteer (depending on the industry). Then you'll have more to put on your CV and they'll probably give you a reference.

I have heard so many people over the years talking about how anyone who doesn't have a degree in gonna end up in a dead end job (including my own relations). I know people who have degrees (postgrad, etc) who have not been able to find work. People who judge others for not having a degree really need to grow up. A degree does not make a better person.

And whether you do training, work experience, etc, you will more than likely meet people who have similar interests to you.

I hope I have helped somewhat, although I may have gone on a bit of a rant!

Mr Marri

I think it is a pretty universal truth that life simply refuses to follow anybodies plans and to be honest if would be a little boring if it did.

A lot of what you discribe is just a nature part of life, break ups, changinng social circles etc and really would have happened anyway.

Dropping out of college, you didn't mention if it was by choice? if so I probable worth asking yourself why, was it the wrong course, the wrong college, did you bit off more than you could chew with the move abroad, maybe you got a little down and demotivated. I suppose what I'm getting at is you could always go back, but a difference course/college/country etc. if you want of course

I suppose the most striking thing out of your post is not anything you mentioned but the tone, it sounds like you've lost your joie de vivre so work on getting that back and all the other minor stuff above will sort it's sellf out on it's own.

LegacyUser

listen, plans change.

Just get back to basics of why you wanted to do that course, maybe you can do it back in Ireland.

I admire the way you followed your dream and travelled for your college course, not a whole lot of people do that. You were great to do it. It didn't work out for you - but I'm sure you've learned lots along the way. Use it as a positive to employers/friends. I did X amount of years abroad - I learned how to X,Y,Z. Use it as a positive, think of all the things you wouldn't have experienced if you didn't do it.

From here and now, its your choice, what do you want to do

Deus Ex Machina

Mr Marri wrote: »

I think it is a pretty universal truth that life simply refuses to follow anybodies plans and to be honest if would be a little boring if it did.

A lot of what you discribe is just a nature part of life, break ups, changinng social circles etc and really would have happened anyway.

Dropping out of college, you didn't mention if it was by choice? if so I probable worth asking yourself why, was it the wrong course, the wrong college, did you bit off more than you could chew with the move abroad, maybe you got a little down and demotivated. I suppose what I'm getting at is you could always go back, but a difference course/college/country etc. if you want of course

I suppose the most striking thing out of your post is not anything you mentioned but the tone, it sounds like you've lost your joie de vivre so work on getting that back and all the other minor stuff above will sort it's sellf out on it's own.

Thank you for your reply. I elected to drop out of college because I became disillusioned with the notion of college education, as well as the profession which I intended to practice. The course was quite intense, so anything short of full commitment on my part would not have cut the muster and therefore I would probably have failed due to this lack of work ethic anyway.

I am not sure if my situation is due to a grander disillusionment, or vice versa, but my joie de vivre, as you say, has declined in a certain respect. I enjoy entertaining of stimulating activities as before, but they are underlined with a sense that nothing is of importance or merit. So too are my thoughts on going about my way in the world, post college.

Wompa1

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Thank you for your reply. I elected to drop out of college because I became disillusioned with the notion of college education, as well as the profession which I intended to practice. The course was quite intense, so anything short of full commitment on my part would not have cut the muster and therefore I would probably have failed due to this lack of work ethic anyway.

I am not sure if my situation is due to a grander disillusionment, or vice versa, but my joie de vivre, as you say, has declined in a certain respect. I enjoy entertaining of stimulating activities as before, but they are underlined with a sense that nothing is of importance or merit. So too are my thoughts on going about my way in the world, post college.

Would you consider doing an easier course in Ireland? There are a lot to choose from and you could even use it as a chance to enjoy life a little more rather than study. That's what a lot of students seem to do

Deus Ex Machina

Wompa1 wrote: »

Would you consider doing an easier course in Ireland? There are a lot to choose from and you could even use it as a chance to enjoy life a little more rather than study. That's what a lot of students seem to do

I can't go back to college.

What about distance learning, professional qualifications, learning a trade, etc

Big Bag of Chips

Can you come back to Ireland? Do you even want to? Unless you had a big falling out with your friends here and told them they were losers for staying here and you were better than them because you were going, I really honestly think you are over thinking their problem with you moving away and losing touch.

I have many people in my life who moved away at various stages to do various things. Some I didn't keep in great contact with, but if/when ever they came home I would be delighted to see them.

No offense OP, and I don't mean to sound harsh.. but you need a kick up the arse! At the moment you are very down and feeling sorry for yourself. Fair enough, up to a point, but then you need to shake yourself off and decide.

Decide what to do. College isn't the be-all and end-all. You can get jobs. You can turn up on doorsteps. Put yourself forward. Show yourself to be willing and eager. You are very very young. You have that on your side. But nobody will look at you if you go around with slumped shoulders and "poor me" written all over you. And nobody else can sort this out for you.

Find a career counsellor somewhere see what options you have. College is only one option. Put yourself out there. I know plenty of people who dropped out of college who are doing better than those who persevered!

I get the impression that you are disappointed in yourself, and maybe afraid if what others will now think of you. Big lad, gone off abroad, and failing like we all knew he would.

That is only YOUR thoughts. Nobody else will think anything like that, and nobody will be as hard on you as you are yourself.

Think about what you really would like to do, and figure out a way to do it without college. It's not unheard of!

Deus Ex Machina

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Can you come back to Ireland? Do you even want to? Unless you had a big falling out with your friends here and told them they were losers for staying here and you were better than them because you were going, I really honestly think you are over thinking their problem with you moving away and losing touch.

I have many people in my life who moved away at various stages to do various things. Some I didn't keep in great contact with, but if/when ever they came home I would be delighted to see them.

No offense OP, and I don't mean to sound harsh.. but you need a kick up the arse! At the moment you are very down and feeling sorry for yourself. Fair enough, up to a point, but then you need to shake yourself off and decide.

Decide what to do. College isn't the be-all and end-all. You can get jobs. You can turn up on doorsteps. Put yourself forward. Show yourself to be willing and eager. You are very very young. You have that on your side. But nobody will look at you if you go around with slumped shoulders and "poor me" written all over you. And nobody else can sort this out for you.

Find a career counsellor somewhere see what options you have. College is only one option. Put yourself out there. I know plenty of people who dropped out of college who are doing better than those who persevered!

I get the impression that you are disappointed in yourself, and maybe afraid if what others will now think of you. Big lad, gone off abroad, and failing like we all knew he would.

That is only YOUR thoughts. Nobody else will think anything like that, and nobody will be as hard on you as you are yourself.

Think about what you really would like to do, and figure out a way to do it without college. It's not unheard of!

I understand how you could arrive at that conclusion, but I am quite certain that I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am simply at a loss as to how or if I can progress from my position. What you must understand is that the last ten years of my life were consumed by my ambitions towards what was ultimately revealed to be hollow and pointless. Furthermore, the reason I set myself the goals which I have now rejected was to give myself and my life a meaning which I felt was lacking. In this way, the blow is twofold.

I feel as empty and unfulfilled as I did in my early teens, but the feeling is sharped by the fact that I pursued purpose/meaning and found a meaningless morass of human vanity.

I am sorry for the tone of my posts, I realise I sound downhearted, but I cannot escape the fact that this is how I feel. The world is a capricious and dark place to me.

snafuk35

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

I understand how you could arrive at that conclusion, but I am quite certain that I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am simply at a loss as to how or if I can progress from my position. What you must understand is that the last ten years of my life were consumed by my ambitions towards what was ultimately revealed to be hollow and pointless. Furthermore, the reason I set myself the goals which I have now rejected was to give myself and my life a meaning which I felt was lacking. In this way, the blow is twofold.

I feel as empty and unfulfilled as I did in my early teens, but the feeling is sharped by the fact that I pursued purpose/meaning and found a meaningless morass of human vanity.

I am sorry for the tone of my posts, I realise I sound downhearted, but I cannot escape the fact that this is how I feel. The world is a capricious and dark place to me.

Sorry but that does sound like are feeling sorry for yourself.
You just have to pick yourself up and find something to do with yourself.
There are no garantees in life and you just found that out.
You just have to crack on and make the best of things no matter what your circumstances are.
If you focus on the negative you will not improve your situation.
If you focus on the positive you will free your mind to find a solution and climb out of the rut you are in.
But only you can do it and nobody else.
Up to you pal.

Big Bag of Chips

So you fancied yourself as a bit of a bigshot as a teenager in school and now as an adult you are discovering that you're struggling a bit...?

Join the club!

Independent adult living is not easy. Nor is it fun! The sorry fact is: day to day adult life and living, be that college or work etc is boring! Very often it seems pointless.. I went to college, I did private courses, now by choice I stay at home with my kids. My life consists of cleaning the kitchen repeatedly, tidying up the same toys repeatedly, endless cycles of washing, drying, folding, putting away etc!

Life isn't exciting. But outside of that I have to find things that make the mundane bearable.

You seem very disappointed in yourself. But that's a very subjective feeling and you shouldn't project it onto others. Being brutally honest nobody else (apart from possibly parents) are going to be as interested in or bothered about your life, successes and failings as you are.

By all means, be disillusioned... for a while, but just be aware it won't help or fix your situation. And nobody here can answer the question "what do you think will happen to me?"

What were you looking for when you posted? Lots if people have given different pieces of advice and you seem to ignore it and stick stubbornly to the "poor me" replies.

You're clearly a very intelligent person. I have no doubt you will be fine. Just maybe not via the direct route you had planned out for yourself.

Deus Ex Machina

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

So you fancied yourself as a bit of a bigshot as a teenager in school and now as an adult you are discovering that you're struggling a bit...?

Join the club!

Independent adult living is not easy. Nor is it fun! The sorry fact is: day to day adult life and living, be that college or work etc is boring! Very often it seems pointless.. I went to college, I did private courses, now by choice I stay at home with my kids. My life consists of cleaning the kitchen repeatedly, tidying up the same toys repeatedly, endless cycles of washing, drying, folding, putting away etc!

Life isn't exciting. But outside of that I have to find things that make the mundane bearable.

You seem very disappointed in yourself. But that's a very subjective feeling and you shouldn't project it onto others. Being brutally honest nobody else (apart from possibly parents) are going to be as interested in or bothered about your life, successes and failings as you are.

By all means, be disillusioned... for a while, but just be aware it won't help or fix your situation. And nobody here can answer the question "what do you think will happen to me?"

What were you looking for when you posted? Lots if people have given different pieces of advice and you seem to ignore it and stick stubbornly to the "poor me" replies.

You're clearly a very intelligent person. I have no doubt you will be fine. Just maybe not via the direct route you had planned out for yourself.

I realise how childish and pathetic my posts on this thread appear, and I don't mean to ignore people's replies. The fact is I don't know why I started this thread, or indeed, what I expected from it. I think it is due to the fact that I don't have anybody in my life to whom I can or will explain these feelings. I suppose the reality is that I just wanted to express it to somebody, albeit anonymously, and see how it looks in a setting other than my own mind. It is a waste of time and for that I apologies.

Big Bag of Chips

Not a waste of time.. IF you get something out of it.

If the only thing you get out of it is the realisation that "you're not the only one", then at least that's something.

Right now things have gone belly up for you, and you see no other options available to you.

This time will pass, and you will find your corner, and you'll figure out what's for you. You're young. You have years ahead of you to figure out how to do it.

For now, give yourself a break. Relax. Take the pressure off yourself and once you're out of the mind frame you're in now, things will become easier and clearer... and all this will become a what-was-I-worrying-about? time.

Honestly!