Can men not be sensitive?

butlerjustine

My boyfriend isn't very emotional and if I get stressed he doesnt really want to hear it. He thinks I am negative at times but everyone has their low moments. I am normally a bubbly person and am very motivated in all areas of my life but as I am sensitive things can get me down.

Should I keep it in or turn to someone else for support? That doesn't sound a very healthy relationship.

Tefral

I am terrible with empathy, I mean really shocking… any of those psychology tests I have done I have scored the lowest amount for empathy. (Which was strange because I always score max for knowing what someone was feeling by facial expressions, eyes etc.)

I really have a problem with putting myself in other peoples shoes; However, I still listen to my Girlfriend, over the years I have learned that women just need to vent a little bit whereas I tend to only talk to people about a problem so they could give me a different point of view or advice if I cant work something out myself. My OH used to come home with something bothering her and id try offer advice, it took me the longest time to realise all she wanted was someone to blow off steam to. It used to create tension, but now that I know to let her talk on and me just listen; it’s all good.

I used to think that women got upset over the most trivial of things, and because I couldn’t relate to them id rather just say: “would you not move on, or get over it, its not really an issue”, etc etc

Are ye like that? Does he try to help you but you get more frustrated? I know I never really wanted to know until I figured that out because it was a pain just to sit there an listen to what I thought wasn’t worthwhile wasting time over.

butlerjustine

No I wouldnt say that I don't listen to his advice but he doesnt really give advice other than I'm overreacting.

I can understand if it was all the time I was moaning but I don't think I do that although he might disagree!

Has your partner changed how they talk to you too?

I have recently moved in with him and I'm finding it difficult coming home and not talking about things as I think it will irritate him.

Tefral

butlerjustine wrote: »

No I wouldnt say that I don't listen to his advice but he doesnt really give advice other than I'm overreacting.

I can understand if it was all the time I was moaning but I don't think I do that although he might disagree!

Has your partner changed how they talk to you too?

I have recently moved in with him and I'm finding it difficult coming home and not talking about things as I think it will irritate him.

No she hasnt, more I've changed how I've approached it. In other words i just sit there, she unloads what she has to say and I just listen. If she asked me what I'd thought I'd tell her but I'd not now volunteer my opinion unless she wanted it.

See the real Crux if this is your after movin in with him. He's never had to deal with this side to you before. Normally I'm sure you would have vented to a parent or a sister or a friend before you have met him. Now he is the on the front line.

When I come home from work I don't want to talk to anyone till I've had my dinner after that I'm grand. My OH knows this so we might briefly chat while I'm cooking but nothing serious. Then after dinner she might chat to me before we watch tv or whatever.

Ye need to learn eachothers new behavior. It's a cliche but it's true: you dont know someone till you move in with them"

analucija

Who were you talking to about this before you two moved in together? Your boyfriend will never replace your parents or your friends. He could be insensitive but he could also be right and you are overreacting.

Whatever it is you have to talk to him about it. And don't be afraid to irritate him. It's way better to have an argument every so often than keep everything inside and then explode one day, break up and wonder why did you split up, since you never really argued.