Money management

LegacyUser

A few years ago I was engaged to a man. One of the reasons our relationship fell apart was because he was pathologically incapable of managing his money. We actually had ESB cut off a couple of times when he told me he had it under control and had paid bills. He got into serious trouble with the banks/suppliers and I ended up bailing him out of a situation. I've only just paid off the ensuing debt now. The stress of it at the time was horrendous and I'm glad to be out of it.

I have recently been seeing a man, since June, but taking things very slowly. I was speaking to him yesterday and he mentioned that he was being taken to court over a dispute with a small bill where he'd been ignoring the letters. My heart immediately started racing... immediately. I know my response was out of proportion to what he said, but believe me I NEVER want to end up in that sort of situation again. Now I know he's not great with money, but generally he takes steps to avoid ending up in trouble and seems to get on ok. He has an alright job etc...

We get on really well and he's a lovely guy. I was beginning to think that I was really falling for him. But after that my thoughts have turned to getting out while I can. Am I completely mad? I'm letting baggage from the previous get to me arent I?

Neyite

AmIsilly? wrote: »

Am I completely mad? I'm letting baggage from the previous get to me arent I?

Not necessarily - I am terrible with money, but never got to the stage a court case was involved - it takes a hell of a lot of reminders, final warnings and legal threats to get to that point (I think.) It may very well be something that he is justified in fighting his case for, or maybe not, but you need more details.I would see how the court case turns out or find out a bit more about it before making a final decision about it. You can still stay involved, yet keep your finances entirely separate. Its early days.

Riskymove

AmIsilly? wrote: »

I was speaking to him yesterday and he mentioned that he was being taken to court over a dispute with a small bill where he'd been ignoring the letters. (

Op

obviously your experience is causing your anxiety, however, you say he has a dispute over a bill - so I presume he wont pay this bill on some point of principle as oppossed to cannot pay it

I think its a very different thing

LegacyUser

Riskymove wrote: »

Op

obviously your experience is causing your anxiety, however, you say he has a dispute over a bill - so I presume he wont pay this bill on some point of principle as oppossed to cannot pay it

I think its a very different thing

Yeah I think its a point of principle and the sum of money isnt enormous. I dont know the exact details as it was on the phone and I probably lost objectivity in my thinking. I know what its like to have those letters from credit agencies coming through the letterbox and it fills me with fear.

Neyite, I agree its very early days. But in the longer term, being with someone who is reliable is very important to me.

I think he's probably nowhere near as bad as my ex, but I would say he is probably quite (too?) relaxed about these matters. Time will tell I suppose.

musicinyou

hey op,

one line of advice i will give thats been the best iv ever been given, and its true to every word....

Never make a move too soon!

you have good reason to feel the way you do given your past! however this could be something silly! a few years ago i had a bill contract with a phone company, i had paid every month, grand! i finish my contract and i get a final bill of them for calls and texts i never made! i flat out said i had no intention of paying it! my point is sometimes things like that happen and it could be harmless like my case!

relax, breath! and remember! never make a move too soon

Ham Sambo

I can only assume that you have or had access to a few euro if you were able to bail guy number one out? Parhaps guy number two can also see that you are a woman of means and is trying the same thing???? yes - no??? Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree altogether.

I was going to say we're in a recession so it might be just more likely to meet people having trouble with bills and that's no cause for alarm.

However you said he was actually ignoring the letters instead of dealing with it.
history or no history, I'd be close to running as well. It is just very irresponsible behaviour and sticking head in the sand. How would he behave when it comes to real problems if that's how it is over a small bill?

LegacyUser

Ham Sambo wrote: »

I can only assume that you have or had access to a few euro if you were able to bail guy number one out? Parhaps guy number two can also see that you are a woman of means and is trying the same thing???? yes - no??? Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree altogether.

The only euro I had access to was a celtic tiger era loan. A few grand loaned to a student no questions asked....

I dont think guy number 2 is trying to get anything out of me. I have a good job but hardly well off.

I was going to say we're in a recession so it might be just more likely to meet people having trouble with bills and that's no cause for alarm.

However you said he was actually ignoring the letters instead of dealing with it.
history or no history, I'd be close to running as well. It is just very irresponsible behaviour and sticking head in the sand. How would he behave when it comes to real problems if that's how it is over a small bill?

Thats it, its the 'head in the sand' approach rather than proactively managing things which really bothers me. Anyway, I'll try to find out more before coming to any conclusions. He seems to have gotten this far without getting into major trouble (unlike my ex).