Would taking medication be a failure on my part?

LegacyUser

Hey everyone I know this is not a medical board so rest assured I am not looking for medical advice or advice about specific medication. This is more about a personal struggle and would just like a few opinions to offer a bit of clarity to my thoughts.

Basically I have struggled on and off for years with depression and anxiety. I've lived with it much longer than I'd ever admitted. I am in my early twenties so I know it seems a bit strange but I've always managed very well and am actually really level headed on the outside. I'm the go-to person for my friends when they are in bother. Unfortunately though, that act kind of came to a head this year. Well last year really but I only started to realise just how severe it was becoming when I was having episodes of suicidal ideation this year. Although I had always thought about it, it's only in the last 6 months or so that I thought about it with such fine and researched detail. That terrified me and after the worst night I had of such planning, I rang a local counselling agency and began cognitive behavourial therapy. It has been excellent and particularly helped my anxiety. I know I have progressed so much and my therapist has even said I've put so much effort into helping myself and I know it's true but I am very scared about it all.

I feel like I'm on the edge now and on one side is success and happiness and feeling ok about myself and on the other side is me going back to what I know and just floating along for another few months/years/ whatever until I fall back down again. Lately I'm finding my anxiety is becoming very physical. It's like now that I've finally got a handle on my previous anxious episodes with the counselling, it's as though a whole new tin of anxious, irrational worries have been opened up and this is where my fear is. Does this mean anytime I beat an emotional struggle or a personal fear/irrational idea that a new one will arise?

I went to my GP last year when I felt like I was at breaking point and she recommened CBT but also said to never be afraid to come back because she can give me something to help me feel less anxious if it's needed. I was dead set against taking any medication and the CB therapist I had back then just did not work for me. At all. So I quit after 3 goes. But this new one is amazing and yet, here I am, wishing I did take the medication because now it's becoming evident that my problems seem to be more than just dealing with one at a time, there is always a new thing to freak me out. Before it was heart attacks, anneurisms, HIV, cancer etc now it's stopping breathing in my sleep, suddenly turning really ugly, being injured permanently, having a neurological disorder. A few years back it was having to touch things a certain number of times before I could go outdoors. Having to not touch my fingers off eachother I could help it etc.

So if you're still reading THANK YOU but also, do you see what I mean? There is always something new to mess me up and now I fear that maybe I'm just messed up myself and that I should take the anti-anxiety pills. Nobody I know would ever think I wrote this. I'm very outgoing, socially very comfortable, popular etc but in my head everything flurries around in overdrive. But having come so far, is wanting to take medication a cop out? And if I tell my therapist these things, will they think I've just given up?

Ickle Magoo

Firstly, the only people to discuss whether YOU should take medication with are your GP and your therapist.

As a general rule though, I get confused why medication for mental illness is automatically viewed as a failure yet is seen as a necessity for the treatment of every other illness. If it's going to help you get better in the long run or better able to respond to other forms of treatment then surely whatever medication your medical professionals have recommended are worth considering?

All the best you.

Taltos

Please refrain from providing medical advice.
If you are unsure please first refer here before posting, even anonymously.

Taltos

swanangel

[QUOTE=Ickle Magoo;74477295)

As a general rule though, I get confused why medication for mental illness is automatically viewed as a failure yet is seen as a necessity for the treatment of every other illness.
All the best you.[/QUOTE]

Excellent point Ickle Magoo!!!

catch me if you can

theres no shame taking meds.
is it ok to ask to you drink alcohol socially even or take recreational drugs?
this things can make depression alot worse.
I got my slight depression under control by quitting alcohol completely, so its just a thought

Semele

Why would it be a cop-out? I don't get this idea that there is some sort of value inherant in struggling through without help, like it makes you a stronger and better person, or makes the better quality of life you'll hopefully eventually have more "earned".

Anxiety and depression can be organic or situational, or more commonly both. If you've worked well in therapy then maybe you've dealt with the psychological side, so to speak, and what you continue to experience is the organic aspect that may well respond to medication *Very simplified people, I know it's more complex than this!*

Why not try the medication? If it doesn't work (and bear in mind it can take months) then you can try something else, or stop. Quality of life should be your main concern- it won't be artificial if if a pill is helping you, anymore than the overall health of a diabetic person is any less genuine because he needs insulin to correct a bodily imbalance.

I've seen medication change people's lives and give them that little lift out of a depression that no amount of therapy could touch. Don't get me wrong- I'm totally pro-therapy as a first port of call and it's never a waste of time- but for cases where the problem endures beyond positive engagement with treatment then I believe medication should be tried, as it implies a more physical than situational propensity to depression/anxiety.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for the replies. I think perhaps I mustn't have been clear in my opening post. I don't think there is anything at all wrong with taking medication. My issue is, having already deciding against it a year ago and having since undergone CBT with two different therapists, is it lazy/defeatist of me to now consider the medication despite spending all this time working on (and making progress) with my anxiety issues? The CBT certainly works, no question about that but my fear arises from the new anxieties that seem to replace the old ones. I think no less of anyone who takes medication for it, I just want to know, if in my situation, it would in a way be a regression to consider it now after investing so many sessions into it myself?

I also notice two moderators have posted about medical advice, I just want to reiterate again that I am not looking for any specific medical opinions. I would never seek such guidance online which is why I've been to my GP and two therapists this year. I am taking this seriously and do not want actual medical advice. However, other people's experiences with these feelings would be greatly appreciated.
To the poster who mentioned seeking professional help for suicidal thoughts, you are absolutely correct and that is exactly what I have done. I am still having CBT. The medication question has arisen from new anxieties replacing the old ones.

Catch Me if You Can, I have stopped drinking alcohol because like you, I found it exasperated my feelings even more. I have also never used any drugs.
And just in case my original post is misinterpreted in anyway, CBT is amazing and I recommend it 100% to anyone who is even mildly considering it. It works and my post does not mean that I think medication is more effective than CBT for everyone.

username123

Absolutely not a failure to take medication.

Look at it another way, you would be failing yourself NOT to try and do everything you can to help yourself.

Definitely dont feel that you shouldnt take the medication, youd take medication for any other illness that needed it - anxiety issues are no different.

Ickle Magoo

meggann wrote: »

I also notice two moderators have posted about medical advice, I just want to reiterate again that I am not looking for any specific medical opinions.

That doesn't stop posters proffering it though unfortunately. On-thread warnings are usually generated pre-emptively because certain topics seem to draw those who would make internet diagnosis or because pre-moderated posts which haven't been approved are trying to just that...it's not a reflection of your OP's request for advice.

I don't think it should be seen as a regression; if it is going to help your chances of recovery then it seems silly not to...perhaps you weren't in the right place to try meds earlier or perhaps you'd rather have given it a shot without meds - either way I don't think there is any shame in admitting at any stage along the road that meds are going to make the journey easier.

All the best. :cool:

SlimCi

Ok here's my two pence worth and I hope it helps. You feel that the CBT is doing you good, but CBT is all about learning to deal with the behaviours you mention isn't it? Its still the same behaviour worrying and being anxious but about new and different things? It sounds to me like its not working for you as well as it should. I think you should be entirely honest with the person giving you CBT about these new anxieties replacing the old and assessing with the therapist whether this form of treatment is the right one for you. I would consult my GP as the others have said as it may be that there is a different therapy more suitable for you including medication or it may be just a case of it taking a longer period of time to address the issues. Don't ever be afraid to speak your mind to these professionals and ask for more help if you feel you need it:)

Morag

It is not a failure to review how you are doing and to make changes to the treatment plan you decided on. When you made those choices you had no way of knowing how things would be and progress for you.

Sometimes when you are in treatment/therapy and you start de constructing, medication esp mood stabilisers are needed to keep you able to function while you work through the hardest parts and then you can come off them. The are an aid, a tool which can be used so that you don't end up swamped and over come and in a worse place then when you started and it's a cycle which can repeat.

Many people don't go and get help, you have. You have choosen to do the work and fair play to you, and choosing to use a valid tool to help you do that, even when you ruled it out previous is not a failure at all. It is being wise enough to know that there was no way you could have known what you were going to need back when you started the process.

LegacyUser

Thanks to SlimCi and Sharrow too as well as those who posted previously. It makes a lot of sense when you say that I didn't know how the treatment would work when I began it. Sometimes I think, if my mind could just be calm, that then the lessons I've learned with CBT could be put into practise more effectively. But of course in the midst of an anxiety attack it is difficult to try reason with yourself in a logical way. Back when I started CBT I was in such a mess that I definitely wasn't thinking as rationally as I could have been. I will mention it to my therapist on my next session. I will not see them for two weeks so it will be interesting to see how calm my mind will be by the end of next week. I am a bit nervous about it actually. I am scared of medication just because I fear it being noticeable to others or that it will change me in some way but I think it would make the CBT more effective if I had a more consistent train of thought.

Thanks for all the help. I'm only 23 so this is all a bit overwhelming but if I get a handle on it now I hope I will beat it and be okay soon enough Thanks again everyone. It's very much appreciated. You don't even know!