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Did I miss out on love?

  • 18-09-2011 2:55pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey all,
    I guess I am looking for opinions on a situation I've been in. I was sort of friendly with a guy for a couple of years. He was someone who is incredibly funny and I found him entertaining. I really never took him seriously though and figured him as something of a messer. He is 6 years younger than me and has a longterm girlfriend.
    I came to realise he paid me a lot of attention but I never took any of it seriously. He tried to kiss me once but I just laughed it off and there was no awkwardness.
    However about 6 months ago, he started to up the attention. I did find it flattering but I didn't let myself get affected by it as he had a girlfriend. I had heard that things weren't good between them.
    There were a series of social events on where we were out and he tried to kiss me and I just turned the cheek. He texted me after saying he enjoyed the evening out. The next night he was glued to me. He told me he was really attracted to me and I asked about the gfriend and he said they were in the process of breaking up. We hooked up that night.
    I felt awful and confused over the next few days and he kept trying to reach out to me and find out where he stood. I didn't know how I felt, I was completely thrown by this. He kept asking me out and I fobbed him off as I just wasn't sure. I mean this is a guy who I never saw in that way and all of a sudden he's full on. I've been single for a long time and used to being on my own. Eventually I gave in and he told me it was over with her. We started to get involved and because I was still unsure, I tried to talk to him about her and I guess because I am older and been around the block a few times, I had issues with the fact that he broke up with her for me, that he hasn't been on his own for a long time and I knew that maybe if I didn't turn out to be who he thought I was, he'd regret his decision and go back to her. I guess in a preemptive move I became his counsellor, I wanted to make sure that he was making the right decision and I said that I had doubts it would work with us.
    Thing was as the weeks progressed and I got to know him, I saw a different side to him, he turned out to be a kind, thoughtful, open and attentive person who isn't afraid to express his feelings. I found myself falling for him. Just as I did and knew that I did want something, he told me that the ex wanted to get back together and he was going to give it another try. He was so adamant it was over and felt relieved when it ended.
    I guess my question is, did he break up with her for me (I never asked him) and when he knew I didn't think we were suited he went back? Or was I just a casualty?
    We still talk and we get on so well and he wants to meet up as he says he misses our chats


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    sunflower27 wrote: »
    Hi there

    You are asking the impossible as anyone on here can only speculate what he was thinking.

    I'm a bit confused as to when he went back to his ex, did he think you thought it would not work out?

    He sounds like the sort of guy that needs to be in a relationship, so kind of set you up before he split with the ex and had her waiting in the wings to go back to if he didn't feel your heart was in it.

    Does the gf know you were with him? Or did he keep that from her in a bid to keep that door open if it didn't work out with you?

    Thanks for the reply Sunflower... I really don't know why he went back to the ex.
    From what he told me it was over. After 6 years together they had stuff to sort out like money, personal belongings etc so he was pretty determined that it was over.
    I don't think she knows anything about me.
    I just wonder that if I was into it from the beginning would we be together now.
    I know rebound relationships can work but I'm old and wise enough to be practical and know sometimes they don't. I think I made sure it didn't cuz I didn't want to get hurt. It took me so long to get over the last one, I just don't ever want to feel that way again.

    I think you are right though. He may not be able to be without a relationship. I don't know.
    Thanks for taking the time to respond.


  • #3
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    You were the safety net hon but in fairness you knew he was with someone when you started seeing him so his lack of integrity should not be a surprise to you.

    He was out for himself, Wanted a change, lined you up to help him with the breakup / to soften the blow and then when he saw the grass wasn't greener, went back to the poor ex. You are better off but for future reference, you are better off not dabbling with any guy who is on a relationship.


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