Unable to deal with friends depression

LegacyUser

Several months ago I met a girl and had a brief physical relationship with her before deciding it was best if we were just friends. She was nice enough but knew she had a lot of problems and knew I wasn't in a position to be able to deal with it, in fact I knew my being with her could possibly escalate her situation but we remained friends and I have done my best to be there for her and she trusted me enough to confide in me which I appreciate.
This is possibly the most difficult thing I have had to do and even just coming here to talk about it feels like a betrayal of her trust but I feel as though I'm trapped in a situation I have no way out of.
I found out shortly after we met that she self harmed, the evidence was written very clearly on her body and after questioning she told me about the things she has had to deal with, I felt deeply sorry for her and didn't want to hurt her in any way.
She is being and has been treated for clinical depression since she was 17, she has attempted suicide several times during that period and required hospitalisation for treatment as many times. The fact is she is determined to kill herself and I've come to accept that there is nothing I or anyone can do about that other than delay the inevitable.

Emotionally I don't think I am able to care anymore, I feel apathetic and at times angry toward her but I can't express it as I feel like I am constantly walking on egg shells with her. She had been away for treatment for a while recently and on her return did her usual, she went out and drank for 12 hours straight and so begins the cycle all over again. She contacted me and I got angry and told her how I felt about the way she treats herself which resulted in a text last night from her telling me she had just left hospital after a two day stint as she tried to OD on pills.

I no longer know what to do. I've tried the softly softly approach and I've tried the tough love approach but I feel like I'm being emotionally blackmailed. I feel like I can't move on with my life. I told her I wanted to start seeing other people and I don't know if this was the trigger for her last adventure which makes me think no matter what way I step or no matter what I do if she makes a successful bid to off herself and I will always feel like it's my fault.
I don't know if anyone has any suggestions but I told her I would never discuss this with anyone and I just feel I need to talk about it now.
Thanks for listening.

WhatWillBee

She is NOT your responsibility. Seriously! It's time to try the no contact approach now.

You have done right by this girl but you are being emotionally blackmailed and as long as you two are still in contact there will be no end to it. You need to say to her, that while you wish her only the best you can't be in contact anymore.

You sound like a really nice guy and I know it will be tough, but you can't help someone who isn't helping themselves.

LegacyUser

I do feel sorry for the girl and it must be hard on her but she is sick and needs professional help and you by staying with her as your afraid she might commit suicide is not true and fair to her either, she has real issues she probably loves you but is not able to deal with herself let her family know etc that you are concerned you are not breaking her trust you are helping her as she is in need of professional help ASAP, the girl is sick you must remember she needs her own family and friends.

You do not take responsibly for her life and health yourself. let her family help her cut contact with her, as for telling her you want to go out with other people is totally wrong she is not able to hear this think of thing and you shouldn't mention anything like that again. She is not able to deal with health at the moment never mind thinking of you and relationships.

You have to be cruel to be kind if you don't love her and want her as your girlfriend sick or not you don't stay with someone cause you feel sorry for them that is being dishonest.

by you with her one min off the next will not help her. But if you want to be with her and love her, but just can't deal with her health issues wait until she better has counselling and on medication until she is in a better frame of mind, it may take a year but she needs to focus on herself not you.

You should let someone that is family know her mental state as they are in a position to help her. If you truly care about her that's what you will do.

Lon Dubh

I wouldn't talk to the family, unless you are very sure that that they are understanding and are not part of the problem (she sounds very dysfunctional, so that there is a strong possibility that they are also dysfunctional, as otherwise she would probably be dealing with things better).

I think you probably need to cut contact with her for your sake and hers, as I think you will snap at her eventually out of frustration. I would let her know though first that you are cutting contact (not sure if this should be done by letter, phone call, or face to face? If it is face to face I would be inclined to do it somewhere fairly public, so you can walk away more easily).

She will probably send you messages later threatening suicide, so you might want to block her number straight after you let her know. If you respond to these messages the cycle will continue. If you receive suicidal messages before you manage to block her just contact the police and let them deal with it. If you try to "rescue" her yourself it will just go on and on. If you cannot block her number you might want to consider changing yours.

You are in a difficult position but she needs professional help which you cannot give her, and you are in a no win situation so matter what you do or say to her. If she chooses to commit suicide it is not your fault.

LegacyUser

Thank you. I know it sounds as though I don't care, I'm just very aware that there is only so much I can do and I know it will never be enough. I really do hope everything works out for her. I just needed to say it out loud.