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In shock

  • 18-09-2011 2:39am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    What should I think?

    I was with a man for two years. We were engaged. Three months ago he broke up with me without explanation. In that time I emailed him four times to arrange a meeting to discuss or at least give me an explanation. He broke up with me by phone, out of the blue. I had suggested meeting this afternoon by email. He was non-committal. I waited all day. then this evening, in exasperation, I phoned. He answered the phone and said he was with a woman and handed the phone - to a woman who I thought was his ex from years ago. She introduced herself and I said hello, tell him not to be weird and hung up in shock, but then stupidly texted 'sorry to interrupt'!!!

    I'm reeling here. Can't believe he did this to me. Can't believe I let him. What should I think/do? So humiliated. I would never do that to anyone.


Comments

  • #2
    Firetrap
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,442 ✭✭✭Firetrap


    What you do is never contact him again if you can avoid it. People can say or do things in the heat of the moment that, on reflection, they wish they hadn't. You'll probably look back at the emails you sent and the phone call and cringe. What's the bet this woman was somewhere in the background when he dumped you over the phone? Or if not her, another one? You might never get an answer to that. One thing is for sure though - be very very glad you didn't actually marry him.


  • #3
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    What should you think? You are well shot. What should you do? Nothing - bar giving yourself time to come to terms with the hurt and shock.

    The man you were engaged to ended your relationship by phone - how cowardly is that? He didn't have enough respect or conscience to consider he owed the woman he'd been having a two year relationship with and was engaged to any kind of explanation. Then when you phone to wonder what the hell was going on he hands you over to the woman he's with? Seriously OP, what a low life - you may not feel it now but believe me, the kind of man who is so wet as to behave like that is no catch.

    Surround yourself by your friends and family and look after yourself. Don't contact your ex - I think after that behaviour there is really nothing to say to him. He's pathetic. Keep thinking about the above and get angry with him and that will help you to get over and move on from what's happened. Lastly, you have no control over what other people do. We all get taken in from time to time - that's part and parcel of being big enough to trust people not to walk all over us. There is nothing for you do feel humiliated about - the shame is all his.

    All the very best


  • #4
    beagle001
    Closed Accounts Posts: 764 ✭✭✭beagle001


    You have been given a get out of jail card.
    Even though it sucks now this guy sounds like a total pr##k and obviuosly cares about nobody but himself.
    The poor feeling of rejection and hurt will pass in time,but this is actually a good thing to be free from the guy as you clearly deserve a lot better than this pillock.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi Op,

    Thats awful and as others have said you sound lucky to be away from him you deserve better and its better to know he is a coward then have gone on more years or had a baby etc.

    I always believe to really change patterns and in this case you attracted an asshole! we have to look at ourselves as to why this happened, what is it in you that sought out someone who disrespected you like this. Maybe you wanted to believe he was something he was not, maybe you don't feel deserving of a better man, I'm just saying this because you can't change what you dont acknowledge not to hurt or be mean or to blame, but i know from learning life lessons myself we always have to look at ourselves to grow, we don't beat ourselves up, but look at the situation objectively and figure out the lesson and be glad of it and then try again. It takes a lot of courage but taking responsibility means never blaming anyone for what we are being doing having or feeling, taking responsibility also means never blaming yourself for what you are being doing having or feeling, when you have an attitude like that you can't fail in life everything is a lesson and you can even thank the person (to yourself) after for teaching you it.

    All the best, the next guy will be your prince ! XX


  • #6
    cheekyass
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 122 ✭✭cheekyass


    You poor thing, this is really awful behavior on his part but fortunately for you he showed his true colours before you were married.

    I'm so sorry that this has happened - try and remember everything happens for a reason and him clearing out of your life will 'open the window' for someone better to climb through ;)

    All the best xxx


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  • #7
    dazey
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 228 ✭✭dazey


    Immediate thoughts ...what <MOD SNIP>. On another note, I have seen this happen to a friend of mine, and although I didn't see it at the time, when I really thought about it their relatiosnhip was not a perfect one by a long shot and both were just making do with each other and not really working through their problems.

    As scary and embarrassing as it may at first seem couples counselling before marriage is the only way forward in Ireland I think. And not from a religious group like accord, but one which has the wellbeing of both parties in interest even if that means not committing to marriage as soon as thought


  • #8
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    dazey, there are plenty of ways of getting your point across without resorting to crass language and circumventing the swear filter.

    Please note the charter requests that posters:
    Reply to threads in a civil and well phrased manner

    If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

    Many thanks.


  • #9
    WhatWillBee
    Closed Accounts Posts: 97 ✭✭WhatWillBee


    I'm going to be a bit harsh but....

    GET SOME SELF RESPECT! What should you do? Are you kidding? You should woman up, tell him to f**k right off and never lay eyes on him again. You really think it's ok for him to treat you like that?? You need to cop on.

    And you said 'sorry' for interrupting them? Ah here, OP, get a clue! Look....you were treated like **** by a horrible guy. We have all been there and it sucks. You can't blame yourself for any of that. But you are however in FULL control of your actions with him now. Calling him, apologizing to him and running around after him is not dignified behaviour and what exactly are you getting out of it? It won't do you any good.

    Say good riddance to bad rubbish and realise your life will only get better from here on him. Onwards and upwards! x


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