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Binge drinking Problem?

LegacyUser

I think I might have a problem with alcohol. I'm 25 female and while I used to drink a good bit in college etc I've noticed that in the last year or so the amounts I've been consuming on nights out have increased to the point where I seem to be getting absolutely s**t-faced every night out.

I'm a pretty ok drunk I never get sick or cry or get angry or have ONSs or anything but I do run my mouth a bit (that is, tell people things I shouldn't) and humiliatingly I think I throw myself at men aswell. I have blackouts aswell but never for entire nights or anything (like I always know how I got home and stuff) but there's sections of nights I don't remember or like I'll forget what I was talking about to people. In a way it would probably be better if I did one of those bad things above coz that might make me cop on and cut down.

I have a few groups of friends and they're all the same - every night we go out it seems like nearly everyone just gets wrecked drunk. I go out with people I work with alot aswell and it's the same story - everyone is very very drunk by the end of the every night (although I think I'm probably one of the worst for it). This makes me feel like it's ok to get so drunk when it clearly isn't.

Part of me feels like I should just give up drink entirely but (and this is probably a really bad sign) I genuinely don't think I could do it. i tend to be quite awkward socially, I'm a bit shy and quiet so a few drinks tends to help me relax. Also I work quite long hours (avg 11/12 hours a day) at a job which can be quite stressful so I so look forward to friday nights and just being able to relax and let my hair down.

I just can't seem to find that middle ground. I sometimes feel like all I want to do is just go and get obliterated drunk just so I don't have to think any more. I can't seem to just stop at one or two and go home it always has to be like 10 drinks and out til 5am.

It seems so common amongst people I know that I can't even tell if I have a problem or not? Should I stop drinking entirely? I know should cut down at least but once I get past that tipping point it just seems like all I want to do is drink more :-/

Any advice seriously appreciated!

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baby and crumble

maybeishouldstop wrote: »

I think I might have a problem with alcohol. I'm 25 female and while I used to drink a good bit in college etc I've noticed that in the last year or so the amounts I've been consuming on nights out have increased to the point where I seem to be getting absolutely s**t-faced every night out.

I'm a pretty ok drunk I never get sick or cry or get angry or have ONSs or anything but I do run my mouth a bit (that is, tell people things I shouldn't) and humiliatingly I think I throw myself at men aswell. I have blackouts aswell but never for entire nights or anything (like I always know how I got home and stuff) but there's sections of nights I don't remember or like I'll forget what I was talking about to people. In a way it would probably be better if I did one of those bad things above coz that might make me cop on and cut down.

I have a few groups of friends and they're all the same - every night we go out it seems like nearly everyone just gets wrecked drunk. I go out with people I work with alot aswell and it's the same story - everyone is very very drunk by the end of the every night (although I think I'm probably one of the worst for it). This makes me feel like it's ok to get so drunk when it clearly isn't.

Part of me feels like I should just give up drink entirely but (and this is probably a really bad sign) I genuinely don't think I could do it. i tend to be quite awkward socially, I'm a bit shy and quiet so a few drinks tends to help me relax. Also I work quite long hours (avg 11/12 hours a day) at a job which can be quite stressful so I so look forward to friday nights and just being able to relax and let my hair down.

I just can't seem to find that middle ground. I sometimes feel like all I want to do is just go and get obliterated drunk just so I don't have to think any more. I can't seem to just stop at one or two and go home it always has to be like 10 drinks and out til 5am.

It seems so common amongst people I know that I can't even tell if I have a problem or not? Should I stop drinking entirely? I know should cut down at least but once I get past that tipping point it just seems like all I want to do is drink more :-/

Any advice seriously appreciated!

TBH, maybe I'm not the best person to give you advie on this, as I rarely drink, and when I do it tends to be something I like the taste of. I don't like the feeling of getting drunk, at all. I never really did. I like having my wits about me too much.

But from my perspective, sounds to me like you do depend on it a little too much. The people you hang around with seem to enable this kind of behaviour, so it's going to be really hard to cut down. I did hilight one part of your post that really stood out to me- wanting to get so drunk you don't think. That just signals something deeper going on with you. What do you want to forget?

I know I'm very lucky in that my friends and colleagues are not the kind of people that you describe, so my not drinking doesn't phase them, and it certainly doesn't mean I can't go out and have a great night if I want to. Last night I was out, without drinking, til 2. Nobody I was with cared what I was drinking (except one 'friend of a friend' who still bought me a shot after saying I wasn't drinking, guess he didn't believe me... :rolleyes:)

If you're drinking for stress relief, maybe try and find a different way to do that? Maybe a good place to start would be cutting down on your nights out-

It seems so common amongst people I know that I can't even tell if I have a problem or not? Should I stop drinking entirely?

In my opinion? Yeah, I think you do have a problem. Drinking so much that you forget parts of the night or say things you shouldn't, and doing so more than once or twice a year- yeah, I reckon that's a problem. I would suggest finding a new method of stress relief, and cutting down your alcohol intake. If nothing else, drinking 10 drinks every weekend can't be good for your stomach or liver.

There's nothing wrong with going out and having a few drinks to wind down, and have a laugh. But the kind of situation you're describing seems a lot more than that.

Best of luck whatever you decide, OP.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,
I think the fact you went to the trouble of writing this post means you realise something is not quite right. I was like you for years and years, always the one getting plastered, not remembering, dreading hearing about the night and even though I never did anything that outrageous, the fact I couldn't remember meant I wasn't in control and I hated that. The song 'Sober' from Pink actually resonates so much to me. Alcohol was my life and everything centered around it. Eventually, it started making me very depressed and every time I drank I would get ill, so much so it started happening in my sleep (scary I know but it still had to happen twice for me to cop on).

I've given up drinking now but only for the past 6 months. I havent had 1 bout of depression and I feel soo much better for it. I told friends I'm giving up for a bit for health reasons and I dont go out as much as I used to. I have taken up new hobbies (running and dog walking) and I do a lot of reading and generally taking it easy on myself, listening to inner me and going with that. It's a very liberating experience and actually, it is scary to see how much this country depends on alcohol. (thats why you will need a new hobby)

I tried to achieve a middle ground with alcohol but for me it's all or nothing, I managed one night having a couple but the next night I said f this and I was back to the usual binge drinking, I cant do inbetween, much as I would like to be able to.

I would advise you to give up for a month to begin with and see how you feel after that month. Take up a new hobby - can be anything but I find something physical is good as it wears you out during the day and you sleep better at night. Have some honest talks with yourself and write your thoughts down, maybe on the calendar section of your webmail or something, just a few daily lines to remind you of your journey. Only you will know what is right for yourself, but you need to be honest with yourself, brutally honest. Ask yourself the hard questions like 'do i really need alcohol to live a fulfilling life and if I do, why' 'am i surrounding myself with drinking buddies so i can feel better about drinking myself' the list goes on and they will be personal to you.

Maybe when you get some space away from drinking you will gain more perspective, I know I have. It's not always easy and some nights I feel like driving to the offie, getting 2 bottles of wine and getting obliterated but I stand back and ask why (i find the annoying child like method of questioning works well for me - why why why why why). Sorry if this post seems all over the place, im still going through this myself but for me i know my life is better without alcohol. Good luck with whatever route you decide to go down.

LegacyUser

thanks alot for the replies.

sposible you do sound alot like me. I tend to get very very depressed after nights out - even my friends tell me I get The Fear worse than any-one they know. I get embarrassed quite easily at the best of times so I think when that's combined with either doing stupid things and remembering them (cringe) or not remembering them at all and freaking out about it (even worse!) I actually spend so much time being depressed after a bad night on the tear.

I do have a few nights where I've taken it easy and been sensible but I find them harder to enjoy (therein lies the problem aswell I suppose!). As I said, I'd be quite shy and I guess insecure so socialising while sober is a little stressful for me as it is. It's so awful though because I think I'm a fairly nice, normal person when you get to know me but I feel like so many people now will just think of me as 'the Drunk One' even though I genuinely feel like that's not who I am at all.

As for getting a hobby my job tends to make that difficult/nigh on impossible. I generally work from 8:30am-8pm and after I get home and have dinner it doesn't leave alot of time for extra activities like sports etc. Plus I have a hyper-mobile kneecap (most ridiculous sounding injury ever!) so running is out sadly. I really like my job though and given the times and all that giving it up isn't really an option.

I have a few weekends and things coming up in the next few weeks and I genuinely don't know how I'm going to get through them without drinking as everyone else who'll be on them will be hammered? Should I just cancel? I find it quite difficult to be around drunk people when I'm sober but as these are weekends away (two birthdays and a work thing) it's not like I'm can go home when I want to?

Firetrap

There's not much more I can add to what the others have said. From what you have written, yes you do have a problem with alcohol. There are quite a few warning signs from what you're describing. You can't stop at one or two, you're blacking out, you're using alcohol as a crutch and are bothered by the idea of giving it up. It's not helping either that you're going out drinking with people whose main aim is to get smashed.

If you are having trouble giving up drinking, don't be afraid to go get help. It's better to nip this in the bud now.

LegacyUser

maybeishouldstop wrote: »

thanks alot for the replies.

sposible you do sound alot like me. I tend to get very very depressed after nights out - even my friends tell me I get The Fear worse than any-one they know. I get embarrassed quite easily at the best of times so I think when that's combined with either doing stupid things and remembering them (cringe) or not remembering them at all and freaking out about it (even worse!) I actually spend so much time being depressed after a bad night on the tear.

I do have a few nights where I've taken it easy and been sensible but I find them harder to enjoy (therein lies the problem aswell I suppose!). As I said, I'd be quite shy and I guess insecure so socialising while sober is a little stressful for me as it is. It's so awful though because I think I'm a fairly nice, normal person when you get to know me but I feel like so many people now will just think of me as 'the Drunk One' even though I genuinely feel like that's not who I am at all.

As for getting a hobby my job tends to make that difficult/nigh on impossible. I generally work from 8:30am-8pm and after I get home and have dinner it doesn't leave alot of time for extra activities like sports etc. Plus I have a hyper-mobile kneecap (most ridiculous sounding injury ever!) so running is out sadly. I really like my job though and given the times and all that giving it up isn't really an option.

I have a few weekends and things coming up in the next few weeks and I genuinely don't know how I'm going to get through them without drinking as everyone else who'll be on them will be hammered? Should I just cancel? I find it quite difficult to be around drunk people when I'm sober but as these are weekends away (two birthdays and a work thing) it's not like I'm can go home when I want to?

I think we are very alike actually, there is great comfort in knowing I am not alone.

As regards the events coming up, I had some to contend with at the start too. Drink something like sparking water with lime - it looks like a drink so most people dont question it and order at the bar on your own, obviously avoid rounds if you can. My big issue was that I felt I had to explain myself to people, I'm coming around to the realisation of f them, I dont owe anybody an explanation of why I dont want to drink. Its tough with friends though (or will be), because they wouldnt even guess I had a problem I was so good at spacing my drunken nights between different groups.

What I done at the start was once I brought the car so it was a ready made reason that no one questions. Another night I said I was on anti biotics so wasn't drinking. Now I am avoiding nights out which is easy as Im not working so the no money excuse washes quite well. Still not fully sure how Im going to do it myself, but time and space will teach me and im not going to put myself in uncomfortable positions until I am sure i can deal with them. All I know for definite is I dont want to spend the future making the same mistakes and those mistakes are caused by drinking, end of. My life without drink is actually sunshine and lollipops, i can handle pretty much everything. Im quite a high achiever and I suppose having to admit i have a problem is quite hard for me, and realising I actually cant do everything super well.

As regards hobbies, woman you work crazy hours, the reason i suggested it is because also, when the novelty and head strongedness (? is that a word?!) of not drinking wears off, you will need something to fall back on, how about swimming or reading or films, something engaging and something you can do pretty much anytime. Anywho, have a good think of what will work for you and good luck again.

Esoteric_

Like you OP, my friends get absolutely plastered when they go out, and I would do the same. I never stopped when I got tipsy, I'd drink scary amounts (like 2 bottles of wine before going out followed by 8 or 9 vodkas and several shots) and while I'd remember most of the night and not black out, and I wouldn't get depressed or angry or anything else, I felt I was drinking too much. Because my mates drank equal amounts or even more though, I still kind of thought it was normal.

About a year ago though, I decided I wasn't happy with it anymore and I stopped drinking completely, apart from once at my staff party. Then I slowly started drinking again after about 6 months, and now I'd go out once or twice a week but only have 4 or 5 glasses of wine and that would be it for the night. I feel so much better, I'm able to function perfectly the next day and not be dying with a hangover and I find that I enjoy my nights more. I'm drinking enough to get confident and chatty, but not enough to get tipsy or drunk and I much prefer it. Try it and see how it works for you because you obviously think there is a problem if you're posting here.

Chinafoot

Oh OP, I could have written this post myself. I'm exactly the same as you. I have no self control when it comes to booze, completely unable to just have one or two. I turn into someone I absolutely hate. I'm 28 now and I've really noticed that over the last couple of years it's got to the stage where every big night ends up way too messy and then I spend the rest of the weekend a hungover mess with a serious case of 'the fear'.

After this weekend (another drunken disaster) I've decided its just not worth it anymore. I'm destroying myself with the amount I drink. I end up feeling so utterly depressed afterwards, to the point where really stupid thoughts cross my mind. I would spend €200+, which I can't afford, on a night out and most of that would go on shots. I end up with major bits of the night missing and it's at the stage now where I'll start an argument over nothing. I can't do it anymore. It feels like it's escalating and I'm an all or nothing type of girl so from now on it's going to be nothing. There is no space in my life for alcohol anymore. Even just making that decision has made me feel a million times better.

The health benefits are also something I look forward to. I've gained a lot of weight over the past few years and I have no doubt that alcohol has played an enormous role in this, between the high calories in booze itself and the junk food that gets consumed to cure a hangover. I've also realised that I don't sleep properly. My other half reckons that I'm actually genuinely sleep deprived because of my lifestyle over the last few years. I'm always tired, my short term memory has declined massively, I'm always walking into things, I have gained weight, and more worryingly, I feel generally unhappy. This is no way to live. I firmly believe that cutting out the alcohol is going to help me so much with this.

I'm lucky in that I'm a fairly confident person and I don't need alcohol, I just like it too much. I'm also lucky in that my friends are all mature people who wouldn't care about my decision not to drink. I enjoy the pub scene and have previously given up alcohol for 3 months (failed attempt to quite smoking) and I had no problem sitting in a pub with my friends.

From your post OP, I do think that you should go the same route as me. Give it up. You know it isn't doing you any good and is in fact doing the opposite for you. How much longer do you think you can sustain this behaviour? You can't, physically and mentally. If your friends are going to have a problem with it, well, I'd be taking a closer look at those friendships tbh.

Best of luck OP.