How do gay men have children

LegacyUser

Hi all,

After 28 years of thinking I was straight, I now realise I'm gay, 90/10 anyway.

I'm still going through the denial phase even though deep down I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I know I have some tough times ahead and it gets me down. I've come to the stage were I couldn't give a fuck anymore. The only thing I care about now is having children. I'm not in a relationship with anyone. Never had a gay experience.

Every time I read about the children issue on this forum, everyone says there are many ways for gay men to have children these days. I want to have my own child, not adoption (I would consider the latter if I was unable to have my own).

Can anyone suggest how I could do this? I don't think I'd like to have a stranger carry my child. I would want the child to know its mother.

So tell me, realistically, how does a gay man in this day and age have children?

Thanks

Chuchoter

I don't know much on the subject, but you may or may not have seen this documentary.
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/google-baby/4od

To be honest, I don't think you would ever have a situation where you could be raising the child but still be in contact with mother. It would be too hard on the mother, but really anything is possible.

ninty9er

Expensively

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/my-weird-wonderful-family/4od

hotmail.com

Have you ever given any consideration to not having children?

LegacyUser

If I can't have children I'll have to get over it but I wouldn't be happy about it. Some day I'd really like them.

ninty9er

hotmail.com wrote: »

Have you ever given any consideration to not having children?

I think the fact he asked the question suggests that option is bottom of the list.

hotmail.com

ninty9er wrote: »

I think the fact he asked the question suggests that option is bottom of the list.

Well perhaps he's so wrapped up in the idea of having children because that's what everyone around him is doing and it's what you're "supposed" to do...that he never sat back and really asked himself, if he would like kids.

Resi12

hotmail.com wrote: »

Well perhaps he's so wrapped up in the idea of having children because that's what everyone around him is doing and it's what you're "supposed" to do...that he never sat back and really asked himself, if he would like kids.

He clearly does though, just like it's obvious you don't respect that he does.

Perhaps try China or somewhere? OK, complete shot in the darkoas I have no clue of the expense etc. Sorry I can't be of much help. DOn't really want them myself but I am only 20 so...

Kanoe

If I were younger and had the cash (and my circumstances were different) I would genuinely consider adopting a child. I already have one and chances are I won't get the opportunity to raise another unless it's someone else's and a child not being mine biologically wouldn't be an issue. Family is family and if you were really ready for that then maybe you shouldn't discount the adoption route.

TylerIE

ConfusedreKids wrote: »

Every time I read about the children issue on this forum, everyone says there are many ways for gay men to have children these days. I want to have my own child, not adoption (I would consider the latter if I was unable to have my own).

Can anyone suggest how I could do this? I don't think I'd like to have a stranger carry my child. I would want the child to know its mother.

Surrogacy... theres ad's in Gay Times and I think GCN even have them now too. Channel 4 had a documentary last year with a gay couple who had three kids. I think two of them were from the same surrogate.

There is also adoption and fostering (hopefully leading to adoption). I know you say you dont want those options, but think of the difference you can make to a child who for whatever reason is not wanted or cannot be looked after with their own parents, but you do actually want a child. I met a good few foster children/foster parents by chance during the summer and the difference that the fostering made to the children's lives was phenomenal. One of them literally would have died otherwise.

Chuchoter wrote: »

I don't know much on the subject, but you may or may not have seen this documentary.
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/google-baby/4od

To be honest, I don't think you would ever have a situation where you could be raising the child but still be in contact with mother. It would be too hard on the mother, but really anything is possible.

I know one female couple who have two children. Their father is an acquaintance who has a role in their lives, somewhat similar to that of an uncle.

Chuchoter

Yeah but someone donating sperm is slightly different to getting IVF, carrying it for 9 months and then giving birth, to then give the baby away and still see it growing up without you. Just my opinion but I really can't imagine that ever happening.

TylerIE

Chuchoter wrote: »

Yeah but someone donating sperm is slightly different to getting IVF, carrying it for 9 months and then giving birth, to then give the baby away and still see it growing up without you. Just my opinion but I really can't imagine that ever happening.

True, it is different.

It does happen though. It was the Channel 4 "My Weird and Wonderful Family" programme that featured the gay couple whos children had the same mother, so it does happen.

Edit: Its available on 4OD, even from Ireland. It was discussed here on the forum at the time, although IIRC it got a mixed reception.

Annasopra

hotmail.com wrote: »

Well perhaps he's so wrapped up in the idea of having children because that's what everyone around him is doing and it's what you're "supposed" to do...that he never sat back and really asked himself, if he would like kids.

Why would he come on here asking questions if he hadn't thought about it!

Killer Pigeon

Well, who knows how far medical science could advance in the next 10/20 years. It could be theoretically possible to have a child that has the DNA of two people of the same sex and the fetus mightn't even need a mother's womb to develop.

LegacyUser

I would like one of my own. I will exhaust all avenues to this before I choose adoption. I don't think I'd do surrogacy. Even though the mother agreed todo it, I couldn't take a child fom its mother for my own selfish reasons.

May sound weird but maybe I'll find a girl who who would like to have a child with me and we could be a unit, if not actually a couple

bodice ripper

I don't understand why anyone, gay or straight, is so hung up on their OWN kids.... I don't get it. I am not so fond of myself that I would want to see myself in a kid's face - quite the opposite. when the child is old enough to understand, it would be nice for them to know I wanted kids for reasons outside passing my genes. god know my parents didn't.

its not a gay thing - I am female and bisexual, if I wanted to play the straight game I could. I just think people are kind of selfish on this one.

scholar007

Killer Pigeon wrote: »

Well, who knows how far medical science could advance in the next 10/20 years. It could be theoretically possible to have a child that has the DNA of two people of the same sex and the fetus mightn't even need a mother's womb to develop.

OMG!!!! :eek: - What was that film on a spaceship where there are pod like cocoons with people growing inside?

TylerIE

bodice ripper wrote: »

its not a gay thing - I am female and bisexual, if I wanted to play the straight game I could. I just think people are kind of selfish on this one.

I dont like to use the word selfish myself, but I am shocked by the reluctance of so many people to foster or adopt.
Absolutely each to their own, and I wish people who only want their own biological children every success. It saddens me a little for a good few reasons.

Im lucky to have been adopted into an amazing family, and realise that its great to be able to pass that opportunity onto other kids.

I've also seen the changes in foster children, where foster parents changed kids from having a "no hope" attitude to "no stopping me". Kids who dont know themselves from the absolutely awful life they endured up until a few years ago. I know a teenage boy (Irish, so Im not talking about the millions of children in Africa, yet) who literally would have died had he not been adopted by loving parents.

Ive been to a number of developing countries where up to about a quarter of children are orphans... The world isnt short of children needing some parental love.

Would it not appeal to people to have the joy of finding a child that otherwise has nobody.... Or at least giving it some consideration, especially if having your own biological child is going to be impossible for you...

df1985

Im 25 and definately want kids, always have done. how i go about it time will tell but my sexuality will HOPEFULLY not have an effect on my rights to have/adopt a child when the time comes.

Annasopra

df1985 wrote: »

Im 25 and definately want kids, always have done. how i go about it time will tell but my sexuality will HOPEFULLY not have an effect on my rights to have/adopt a child when the time comes.

The words 'right to adopt' are not something that I favour using ever. There is no 'right to adopt' - people are turned down for lots of reasons. I do believe that there is a 'right to apply to adopt'

df1985

actually fully agree with you, i phrased it wrong....i want the right to be at least considered.

Killer Pigeon

scholar007 wrote: »

OMG!!!! :eek: - What was that film on a spaceship where there are pod like cocoons with people growing inside?

...

jaffacakesyum

bodice ripper wrote: »

I don't understand why anyone, gay or straight, is so hung up on their OWN kids.... I don't get it. I am not so fond of myself that I would want to see myself in a kid's face - quite the opposite. when the child is old enough to understand, it would be nice for them to know I wanted kids for reasons outside passing my genes. god know my parents didn't.

its not a gay thing - I am female and bisexual, if I wanted to play the straight game I could. I just think people are kind of selfish on this one.

You think people are selfish for wanting to have their own children? Seriously?

It's only natural for two people in love who want children to make a baby (taking a heterosexual couple here for example). I don't think it's selfish at all. I think it's beautiful.

Don't get me wrong, I admire anyone who chooses to adopt a child; I will probably end up doing it myself if I end up in a long term relationship with another woman and we want children. But I hope everyone who wants their own children will be able to procreate. You don't go around calling people selfish for not adopting the homeless guy down the road do you?

WonderWoman!

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

You think people are selfish for wanting to have their own children? Seriously?

It's only natural for two people in love who want children to make a baby (taking a heterosexual couple here for example). I don't think it's selfish at all. I think it's beautiful.

Don't get me wrong, I admire anyone who chooses to adopt a child; I will probably end up doing it myself if I end up in a long term relationship with another woman and we want children. But I hope everyone who wants their own children will be able to procreate. You don't go around calling people selfish for not adopting the homeless guy down the road do you?

I agree

Personally I would hope Id be able to bond with a child ive adopted but Its not something I could guarantee

LegacyUser

I always assumed that those who respond to threads in here about children were only trying to make the gay person feel better saying it's possible nowadays. I guess I'll have to start to come to terms with the fact I'll never have any biological children. Heart breaking.

spurious

ConfusedreKids wrote: »

May sound weird but maybe I'll find a girl who who would like to have a child with me and we could be a unit, if not actually a couple

You wouldn't be the first to do that - it's not weird at all. Many lesbians have children with a gay man.

MOSSAD

I think many gay people go through that process thinking about having kids. By all accounts it's an unrivalled experience watching your child grow and develop. I had thought often about it, but felt that it was important for a child to have access to a mom at any time, and that wasn't an option for me. I don't mean to say that a single parent or two men cannot raise a well-adjusted kid-I'm just going on my own experience and observations.
The option for me was to go the sperm donor route and offer a chance to a couple who might find something in my profile that they liked.