how to make a long distance relationship work

thatlint

My girlfriend has only just gone on an erasmus to america for (sept to june) last week and it won't be until christmas that i see her. We've been together eight months now and it's the healthiest relationship either of us have been in (hence why we want to stay together).

I'm just wondering if there's any advice anyone can give on how to make it work, also if anyone is or has been in a similar situation i'd appreciate to hear your story.

I couldn't be more determined to make it work, i'm worried though that she being surrounded by new people that she might grow apart from me.. her relationship before me wasn't a healthy one yet they stayed together for over 3 years which gives me a bit of hope..

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I just got out of a long distance relationship like yours. Sadly we broke up after a year of being long distance. The best advice that I can give you is to be open and honest with each other. Keep the lines of communication open and if you are finding it difficult tell her. Likewise, if she is finding it difficult support her. Its all about feeling united in difficult circumstances, if you drift apart its doomed. From experience I think thats the best advice I can give.. it'll be difficult but it can be done as long as both people are committed! Good luck

thatlint

thanks for the advice sunflower i'm saving up atm but the only time i'd be able to go over is easter holidays cus of college (final year etc)

1222111 sorry to hear it didn't work out, i appreciate the advice.. i can't bear to think about us ending so i'll just do my absolute best to stop us from drifting - at the same time i don't want to be needy cus that may push her away - sad times..

thatlint

she'll be home for xmas and the new year so there is that!

thanks that's comforting, i'm just a bit of a worrier! she's easily the most important part of my life so if it's meant to be it will work.. Hopefully in time it'll get better but atm i just think 24/7 about her and can't concentrate on anything else!

Abrean

Well im currently in a long distance relationship, I'm here and he's in Australia. He left in March and I was lucky enough to be able to visit him there for most of August but now I'm home and we wont see each other again till early next year, when he comes back to Ireland.

It's not easy but it is doable! Try to keep busy and not spend your time thinking about where she is and what she's doing and who she's out with, it'l drive you mad, try and talk everyday even if its just an email to each other about the mundane everyday things that are happening in your lives, things that might just slip out naturally in conversation if you were together but seem a bit boring to be talking about when you're so far apart, but it's those little things that are nice to know about and will keep you feeling connected. Just do your best to include each other in your lives even with the distance.

Skype is a lifesaver, use it. Make skype dates, seeing each other can be something you look forward to.

Talk about everything, this is a great opportunity to really get to know each other and talk about all sorts of things. If you're upset or worried about something in the relationship tell her, she'l probably sense it anyway so it's better to just talk about it instead of letting it build up into something big. You'l have good days and bad days with regard to how you feel about it all emotionally, just talk to her and talk to your friends about how you feel as well.

Wow this is much longer than I intended it to be, but I hope its of some help.

Wompa1

Abrean wrote: »

Well im currently in a long distance relationship, I'm here and he's in Australia. He left in March and I was lucky enough to be able to visit him there for most of August but now I'm home and we wont see each other again till early next year, when he comes back to Ireland.

It's not easy but it is doable! Try to keep busy and not spend your time thinking about where she is and what she's doing and who she's out with, it'l drive you mad, try and talk everyday even if its just an email to each other about the mundane everyday things that are happening in your lives, things that might just slip out naturally in conversation if you were together but seem a bit boring to be talking about when you're so far apart, but it's those little things that are nice to know about and will keep you feeling connected. Just do your best to include each other in your lives even with the distance.

Skype is a lifesaver, use it. Make skype dates, seeing each other can be something you look forward to.

Talk about everything, this is a great opportunity to really get to know each other and talk about all sorts of things. If you're upset or worried about something in the relationship tell her, she'l probably sense it anyway so it's better to just talk about it instead of letting it build up into something big. You'l have good days and bad days with regard to how you feel about it all emotionally, just talk to her and talk to your friends about how you feel as well.

Wow this is much longer than I intended it to be, but I hope its of some help.

This may come across as being really mean but have to ask as I'm currently in Australia for business at the moment. I'm into my second week. I have a girlfriend at home. But, with you being here in August, I'm wondering if that shook your confidence in the relationship lasting or not?

Seems like a drink, drug and sex type of place to me. I've spent the last 5 days doing touristy stuff but the only thing really left here to do now is drinking. I don't think it's a place I'd come to, while having a girlfriend.

Oh and in making it relevant to the post, maybe certain places would be tougher than others. I never felt the same in America about the emphasis on partying and getting laid as I do here.

Abrean

Wompa1 wrote: »

This may come across as being really mean but have to ask as I'm currently in Australia for business at the moment. I'm into my second week. I have a girlfriend at home. But, with you being here in August, I'm wondering if that shook your confidence in the relationship lasting or not?

Seems like a drink, drug and sex type of place to me. I've spent the last 5 days doing touristy stuff but the only thing really left here to do now is drinking. I don't think it's a place I'd come to, while having a girlfriend.

Oh and in making it relevant to the post, maybe certain places would be tougher than others. I never felt the same in America about the emphasis on partying and getting laid as I do here.

Ha no dont worry i get what you're saying, although I do think theres loads to do apart from drinking! Guess it depends what you're into but I didnt feel I had enough time to see what I wanted to see etc in a month, but anyway sorry, I can honestly say that it didnt shake my confidence in the relationship at all, and I can be a bit insecure at the best of times! I have a wonderful boyfriend who I trust and I know would never betray me so basicly nope not a bother on me in that respect, I can see my relationship lasting a very long time I loved Australia and cant wait to go back, I never felt the emphasis on drinks, drugs etc was any worse than here but maybe we just socialise differently.

And to bring this back on topic op dont worry about her being surrounded by new people and places etc, even if this does distract her for a while, try and join in with her excitement and be happy for her that she's having this experience, I'm sure she'l still make time for you and miss you

Wompa1

Abrean wrote: »

Ha no dont worry i get what you're saying, although I do think theres loads to do apart from drinking! Guess it depends what you're into but I didnt feel I had enough time to see what I wanted to see etc in a month, but anyway sorry, I can honestly say that it didnt shake my confidence in the relationship at all, and I can be a bit insecure at the best of times! I have a wonderful boyfriend who I trust and I know would never betray me so basicly nope not a bother on me in that respect, I can see my relationship lasting a very long time I loved Australia and cant wait to go back, I never felt the emphasis on drinks, drugs etc was any worse than here but maybe we just socialise differently.

And to bring this back on topic op dont worry about her being surrounded by new people and places etc, even if this does distract her for a while, try and join in with her excitement and be happy for her that she's having this experience, I'm sure she'l still make time for you and miss you

Cool, well keep hold of him then. Good guys are hard to find. I must be just getting the male culture here. Maybe the women are a bit less full on in their pursuits