Don't Know What I'm Doing

Viktor.

I met a girl back in July. We did nothing but text and talk on the phone for the first few weeks, I so looked forward to talking to her each day we literally spent hours on end on the phone every night. We finally had our first date the beginning of August and I couldn't wait to see her anytime we met after that. I was happy to just hold her hand, hug her, cuddle her, etc. I'd miss her after a few hours of dropping her home and usually end up chatting on the phone again after if it wasn't too late. I even wanted to bring her out to meet my friends. We have both even met each others parents, although this is more due to us living a bit apart so if we were to spend a night together it would have to be a stay over seeing as we both still live at home. We're both 22 btw. But I guess what I mean is I wouldn't have wanted my parents to meet her if I thought she was just any girl you know.

All in all we have been properly going out six weeks. But the last week or so has resulted in us having a falling out and last night I said we should end it in the heat of an argument. We went away for a few nights earlier this week and during that time I felt she got snappy with me at times (she denies this but apologized regardless) and it put me in a bad mood. I was distant with her, didn't show much much affection or really want it in return cause I was sulky. We have always only met up for an evening or one night stay over and things have been grand, but we were together the guts of four days non-stop this time and I wondered if it's too much time together too soon. Also, both of us are a bit sensitive, so certain silly things we slagged each other over we have now realized the other took to heart and made each other grumpy and snappy, we were both at fault.

I'm someone who likes time to myself. I like being able to be on my own for a few hours just to chill and with being away together I couldn't just take off for a few hours without it looking bad and leaving her alone. But she says she can't understand this "personal space" that we should have easily been able for four days away and I'm just saying this cause I don't like her.

We ended up having a blazing row over the phone and no matter what I said she just said she doesn't believe I want to be with her and I was so head wrecked from it I said (in anger) we should just end it. But she said it's not what she wants she just doesn't find it that easy to let me go, that her heart would break.

I don't really know what I'm thinking now I like her and love spending time with her, but those little bad times, her being snappy and me being a big child by sulkling have just me feeling confused. Was it too early to have gone away for a mini break like that? Or is this unfortunately just a glimpse of things to come?

We kinda texted a bit after the phone call and I think there's a chance we may sort things. I told her I was sorry and didn't mean it about breaking up that shes the best girl I've ever met. Hand on my heart she is the sweetest, gentlest and nicest girl I've ever met and I'm such a fupping idiot for the way I've treated her:( But we have said we should take a day or two to think. Her to see if she can trust me enough to be sure I actually want to be with her and she wants me to decide if I want her.

I dunno what I'm thinking, one minute I miss her and want her, the other I'm not sure. I'm so confused. I just don't get how I went from being so excited and into her over the last few weeks to so confused about what I want over the last week. I really do think it was down to mis-communication and us both being childish at times. As I said we got on perfectly until the last few days:(

Elmidena

Hi OP
I get where you're coming from. I think that your trip away together was possibly a little too much when you don't have too much time together otherwise. It's hard to know someone's habits and quirks from an "at arm's length" relationship, and you had been taking it slowly before that. Because you've been taking your time, it was probably too much for both of you to suddenly be surrounded by the other so much at once.

Why not write her a letter? Not an email, a letter. It'll sound more from the heart and she'll see you took the time to explain it to her rather than copy paste etc. Write down your confusion and how happy she's making you and so on from your OP.

Six weeks isn't a very long time together and I think it was just the shock of being around someone else for that long that got to both of you. As for time to yourself, that is healthy but if you were only gone a couple of days that might have seemed rude to her, or made her feel like she's done something wrong. A relationship should be a complimenting of two souls, not one soul and two people, so if it did work out you need to explain to her that it's unfamiliar ground to be with someone 24/7 and that she hasn't done anything wrong but you do need a bit of space here and there otherwise you'll be frustrated/moody/whatever. She probably feels the same way.

Your confusion probably stems from a problem suddenly erupting in an otherwise ideal existence of wanting to see each other more and more and couldn't. It doesn't mean you don't want her as such, but it would make her stop and think. Maybe share a pic on facebook or something and say "wasn't this fun?" or something to keep a friendly atmosphere.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder so a couple of days' space would probably help. Try to send a text here or there rather than calling; she can choose when to reply without feeling under pressure or like things aren't friendly. If it doesn't work out, at least you're both taking the mature approach to it.

Best of luck

qwertytlk

Ok, the size of it is , you really like her, and her you, but what happend has madse you think twice. Understandbly. These things happen and no i dont think its a sign of what your future together would be like. From what you say and how much you seem to like her, id say the best thing to do is shake it off and try again. On a smaller scale. Try nights/days out. Get to know each other a bit better. Get comfortable with each other and little things like you needing some 'me' time will be easier for her to understand and accecpt. You clearly both still have feelings for each other so dont let this little blip ruin what could be a great realtionship. Btw, perhaps whay happend while you were away together was down to both your expectations being a little high, or in looking forward to being together for a few days maybe you both imagined things would be a little different than they were. Talk to her, properly. Be honest, basically say what you said in your post-about taking things to heart, being a little sulky because trust me she will appreciate your honesty and your ability to be humble and accecpt responsibility (which are all great qualitys in a man btw!) from what you said, it seems this relationship is woth giving it another go. Best of luck