Male Friend 2

Fallout Boy

hi lads whats your opinion on your girlfriend havin male friends? Was seein a girl who has a close male friend they used to date a few years back, they broke up but remained really good friends, she says that she doesnt look at him that way anymore.They've been broken up a couple of years now.thought i could handle it while we were dating that she's so close to him. there's been days when she'd call to his house and when i asked about it she says that she can be herself around her friends and that it takes time to open up to people as we were only dating a couple of months we were still in the gettin to know each other stage so i can kinda see her point sort of??? but it just sounds and felt really weird i brought it up a few times but she assured me they're just friends. she said that he helped her out with a few things in her life and thats why they're still friends and that she doesnt look at him that way anymore. she's not a girlie girl she's not into the girlie things like shoppin and bein pampered and that sort of stuff and no guys she aint a lesbian (ha ha). She's not a materialistic kinda girl not tryin to stereotype women sorry if it sounds like it. just find it hard to get my head round it.

you might ask the question would i feel the same if it were a female friend she spends that time with?? well maybe not id say but its just weird that its an ex.

id like to get a womans view on it too if any do come across this in the mens forum.

thanks guys

stoneill

No such thing as a platonic relationship - blokes are always scheming ways of getting a ride.

G86

stoneill wrote: »

No such thing as a platonic relationship - blokes are always scheming ways of getting a ride.

But if he trusts her there's no reason that should be an issue.;)

meoklmrk91

If she says its platonic then why not believe her, they gave it a try and it didn't work out and it seems she's moved on, to you, plus they have been friends for a while before you came along. I wouldn't press her on it tbh as hard as I know that is, cause if you do she is only going to think that you don't trust her and if your man is harboring feelings for her then you will be giving him the perfect opportunity to get in there and even if he doesn't a lack of trust will always end up destroying a relationship. Trust her, from your post you don't seem to have any reason not to, and as a girl I can tell you that there are platonic relationships between men and women.

stoneill

To clarify - trust her, her intentions I'm sure are above reproach.
Don't trust him, he'll be in there as soon as your back is turned.

MrStuffins

stoneill wrote: »

To clarify - trust her, her intentions I'm sure are above reproach.
Don't trust him, he'll be in there as soon as your back is turned.

And when her back is turned if he's a lucky boy

Trust her, don't trust him!

I personally do not see the issue with having friends of the opposite sex. I have a number of female friends and the girls I am going out with also have a number of male friends.

The friendships are, as all friendships, of varying levels of closeness and tactility and openness and more but I have no qualms or worries about trusting even the closest and most tactile of their friendships.

At the end of the day you either believe your partner(s) are dedicated to the relationship you are in or you do not.

Otis Driftwood

Moved from tGC.

gmac102

Fallout Boy wrote: »

hi lads whats your opinion on your girlfriend havin male friends? Was seein a girl who has a close male friend they used to date a few years back, they broke up but remained really good friends, she says that she doesnt look at him that way anymore.They've been broken up a couple of years now.thought i could handle it while we were dating that she's so close to him. there's been days when she'd call to his house and when i asked about it she says that she can be herself around her friends and that it takes time to open up to people as we were only dating a couple of months we were still in the gettin to know each other stage so i can kinda see her point sort of??? but it just sounds and felt really weird i brought it up a few times but she assured me they're just friends. she said that he helped her out with a few things in her life and thats why they're still friends and that she doesnt look at him that way anymore. she's not a girlie girl she's not into the girlie things like shoppin and bein pampered and that sort of stuff and no guys she aint a lesbian (ha ha). She's not a materialistic kinda girl not tryin to stereotype women sorry if it sounds like it. just find it hard to get my head round it.

you might ask the question would i feel the same if it were a female friend she spends that time with?? well maybe not id say but its just weird that its an ex.

id like to get a womans view on it too if any do come across this in the mens forum.

thanks guys

Id believe her, what reason does she have to lie? You guys are only going out a few months. Sure if she wanted she could be with him instead of you.

Also I am good friends with my ex husband, if anything bad happens in my life he is the one person I know is going to be there for me, the love I feel for him is a brotherly love not a husband/ ex bf love. So I do believe her when she says she doesnt feel that way anymore

Peace out

DrPhilG

stoneill wrote: »

No such thing as a platonic relationship - blokes are always scheming ways of getting a ride.

Twaddle.

I have plenty of female friends because I work in a female dominated environment. I've been on staff nights out where I'm the only fella among a dozen. Been away to a training/team building weekend with 6 of the girls. I've had no interest in "getting a ride" and my wife (girlfriend at the time) has never had a problem with it. She did threaten after the weekend away that she was going to check my sleeping bag with a blacklight though...

curlzy

Hey OP,

I'm female and the majority of my close friends are male, totally platonic, if my bf decided he didn't like that and demanded I drop them (which he wouldn't) then I'd either be single or friendless, not a nice choice to have to make. At the end of the day you either trust your gf or you don't. What's to stop her cheating with every man she comes across ex or not? Going down the road of suspication and not trusting will ruin your relationship quicker than an ex will. So yeah, chill out.

Best of luck.

dafunk

stoneill wrote: »

No such thing as a platonic relationship - blokes are always scheming ways of getting a ride.

Not true. OP don't listen to this. My best friend and I have had a male female platonic relationship for twenty years and there has never been any attraction or sexual interest from either side.

green_dub_girl

Hi OP,
as a girl, I think it's weird having a close friend of the opposite sex when your in a relationship. I dont think a guy and girl can EVER be very close and one of them not have feeling for the other, of course I have male pals who I might meet for a coffee etc. but these are also friends who get on well with my OH.

On the other hand the fact that he is her ex, means there is a whole other level of weirdness-it sounds like she maybe likes the attention she gets from him and although she says there's nothing to worry about- I think she is keeping her foot in the door with him in case it doesn't work with you.

I don't think it's healthy and I agree with your concern...

Ickle Magoo

I'd be completely the opposite - the majority of my friends for the majority of my life have been male. As every man doesn't fancy every woman and visa versa, this hasn't been an issue. When I met my husband I was living with five male friends as flatmates I'd had since starting uni and it was never an issue. I don't drop my friends because someone wants to be in a relationship with me and that means that if they want a relationship with me, they have to accept the friends and whatever else makes up my life.

Relationships are based on trust, you either trust your partner isn't going to do the nasty with every/any male/female they view as a friend or you don't really have a relationship worth having. I'd actually view having such profound self-esteem issues as to be unable to trust a partner with their friends as being far more unhealthy than having a nice balanced range of ages, genders, etc among your close friends.

As with anything else, trust her until she gives you reason not to - or you risk ruining what could be a really good relationship.

All the best OP. :cool:

py2006

A friend of mine wasn't allowed have female friends when he was seeing his girlfriend. Although she could have hers. He is now married to that woman and things haven't changed.

Fallout Boy

thought i mentioned in my original post that she is now my ex as well but we just recently broke up but its not over her friend we broke up cos she says she cant commit to any relationship she went out wit your man as long as she went out wit me

and thanks for your views makes very interestin reading