Can she forgive me?

LegacyUser

Hi

I made the biggest mistake of my life a couple of days ago and completely broke the trust and confidence of my wife. What I did was unforgivable and she has moved out. I didn't have an affair it was worse. I tried to get her taken away for her own protection as she was behaving very irrationally and I feared she might cause harm to herself or the kids.

I realise now I made a massive mistake but its too late. (Though I still have a doubt in my mind that she is ok).

Can people forgive? She will never forget. We have 2 kids and we love them and we love each other but she hates me at this moment.

Would a trial seperation work? I've given her space since it happened and not been in her face. I've also stopped telling her how much I love her as that gets on her nerves.

Can love conquer all? I know she still loves me as we were doing some work today together and she was slightly affectionate with me. Then she was cold again.

She says she fears being in the same house as me at night in case I try to get her taken.

Any suggestions on how to convince her I'm sorry?

Justask

Taken as in committed?

If she has a metal illness that required you to have her committed you would have to go down a long road in my experiance with a family member. You need to get you GP to make a visit to her at home, then return with another GP to the home and then the garda if she was to be committed against her will.

I have been lead to believe that a person that sick would not be in a frame of mind to make any decesions for themselves.

How was she a danger to herself or the kids?

To your question if she is very poorly and does require severe help when she does begin to heal she will forgive you because you did it for her.
(my family member hated us and said they would never forgive us, now they are so grateful to us and is so much stronger now)

But if you took it into you own hands to make these claims that she needed help without any history of mental illness. And she has not been to a professional then no she wont IMO

Sorry mods if this is classed as medical advice not sure

solovely

Are you the same poster from last week ("I think my wife needs help")? Sounds very similar? Look, your wife was sick, needed help, you needed to get it for her. It sounds like it didn't work out, but if you had these doubts, you did the right thing. Maybe instead of feeling bad, you need to keep pushing for the help your wife needs? It sounds as though she is the one who has the problem, not you, so I don't understand your guilt....would you not feel a lot guiltier if she had done harm to herself or the kids?

If she won't accept help on her own from a professional, maybe you both could try counselling together. In the meantime, if you have any doubts whatsoever about the safety of your kids, you need to get rid of any of your own feelings of guilt and put them first! Are the kids with you now or with her?

Ickle Magoo

Your post makes no sense to me OP.

How you can be fretting about doing something as bad as an affair for trying to protect your kids and get help for your wife is beyond me. It wasn't a massive mistake - if someone is threatening their own life, your life or the life of your children then they need professional help. If they won't go get it of their own volition then you need to interject on their behalf.

If she is still behaving irrationally and making threats then she still needs help - whether she's moved out or not. Tbh, your relationship comes across as really unhealthy - you telling her you love her annoys her, she threatens your kids, she moves out and you are beating yourself up - I think you are better off apart...at least until she has received the professional help she clearly needs...and I think you could do with a bit of therapy yourself, so you can reclaim the boundaries of normality.

I think a trial separation or worrying about whether love will conquer or if she'll forgive you in the face of what else is going on is just bizarre. The woman needs help, if you are concerned about her behaviour or that she poses a risk to your children then she isn't safe to be near your kids - get her help, get her better, then start worrying about the other stuff.

All the best

Justask

I've obviously missed something (anoher thread )

Sorry if my post seem harsh but didnt really understand the OP

gargleblaster

It's possible for anyone to forgive anything. Context is key. She'd be more likely to forgive you if there was a good reason for attempting to have her committed, but that would only happen after she gets help and realizes that she was posing a threat and that you were acting in her best interest.

Taltos

What a balls up wrote: »

I tried to get her taken away for her own protection as she was behaving very irrationally
and I feared she might cause harm to herself or the kids.

(Though I still have a doubt in my mind that she is ok).

...Any suggestions on how to convince her I'm sorry?

OP - you have NOTHING to be sorry for.
You acted in the best interests of your wife and more importantly your children.
It is good she is not in the same house, and while it might be out of fear you will try to get her sectioned again - I think you need to get legal advice here on getting sole custody of the children and only allowing supervised visitation.

If you really believe she would harm herself or your kids then you as their father and her husband have to do all you can to keep them safe - even from themselves (their mother).

This might go totally against what your heart is saying in terms of the woman you love - but one thing to keep in mind - while she is ill or threatening the children she is NOT that woman. She instead is someone you have to protect your children from.
Maybe one day that woman will return - but in the meantime stop beating yourself up over this.

You did the right thing (Based on what you have told us)

LegacyUser

Thanks to you all. I felt the need was urgent and genuine. I knew that taking that step would probably be seen by her as the ultimate betrayal, but I had to do it for her sake and the kids sake.

She has been very rational so far since the incident, but is experiencing short tern memory loss which I think means I did the right thing.

She is a very strong and determined woman and I believe she can keep up this facade for a while. Unfortunately the professional advice I am getting seems to indicate she is heading for a crash, which usually means self harm.

carlybabe1

What a balls up wrote: »

Hi

I made the biggest mistake of my life a couple of days ago and completely broke the trust and confidence of my wife. What I did was unforgivable and she has moved out. I didn't have an affair it was worse. I tried to get her taken away for her own protection as she was behaving very irrationally and I feared she might cause harm to herself or the kids.

I realise now I made a massive mistake but its too late. (Though I still have a doubt in my mind that she is ok).

Can people forgive? She will never forget. We have 2 kids and we love them and we love each other but she hates me at this moment.

Would a trial seperation work? I've given her space since it happened and not been in her face. I've also stopped telling her how much I love her as that gets on her nerves.

Can love conquer all? I know she still loves me as we were doing some work today together and she was slightly affectionate with me. Then she was cold again.

She says she fears being in the same house as me at night in case I try to get her taken.

Any suggestions on how to convince her I'm sorry?

When I initially read your post, iI thought, fair play to you for being so attentive that you noticed your wife was unhappy etc. Curiosity then got the better of me and I went looking for your previous thread which I found here
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056377410

Now I dont know if its just me, and I apologise in advance if ive missed somethin, but it sounds to me like you tried to have her committed from purely spiteful reasons, so no, I doubt she'll ever forgive you, sorry

carlybabe1

sunflower27 wrote: »

Eh? How do you know if it is the same person. The other guy has three children, not two.

True enough, apologies if its a different poster, but reading through all the posts I know i wasnt the only one who thought it was the same poster. The other similarities are astounding, have a look at the thread.

Taltos

OP for your own protection we are closing this thread.
In this thread and the other you received advice on seeking both medical and legal advice - please take this advice.

Wishing you all the best.
Taltos