I feel lost - and confused

LegacyUser

Hey there,

this feels a bit weird, but maybe there's someone that went or is going, through the same issues than me and maybe can offer some advice.

I'm 24 years old, never went to college, unemployed, living with my parents and I dont have a single friend to talk to. I've been like this for some years and this is killing me.
I'm have no physical or mental disabilities, I'm not ugly or creepy. Some of you will say I need to grow a pair and be a man; and I totally agree with you, but I cant.
I try, but I cant.

I would like to go to college, and I could do it, but I cant afford it.
I would like to get a job, I've been to a lot of interviews, but I never get the job. I dont know if I look to fragile to them, but something's wrong. I try to be confident, I smile and act nice, but I never get the job.
I would like to live by my own, this would solve a lot of my confidence issues, but again, I cant afford it.
I would love to have some friends, but... I know money wont get you friends, but I cant even afford going to a club once in a month. I've had friends that would pay me some drinks, but that's not fair and I felt terrible about it. Also my image is not really good. I have to cut my own hair and I'm wearing clothes from 5 years ago, at least.

There's a way to solve this. If I can solve one of the issues, the others will be taken care of, eventually. But I dont know what to do at all.


I know I sound like drama queen and I need to be a man, but at this moment I am a weak and broken man.

Do you have any advice?
Thank you.

Oryx

You sound like you are surrounding yourself with negatives, reasons why you 'can't'. You need to change that attitude, and break out of the narrow box you have put yourself in. Not everything costs money. Voluntary work and some clubs are free. Libraries are also free and full of information on things like groups and classes.

Dont look on living alone as the solution to your problems, in some ways it might isolate you more. Being independant is what you need to strive for, and you can begin acting independantly whilst living at home. If your parents do stuff for you, then do it yourself.

And go to a hairdressing college and see if you can get a cheap student cut!

Basically the changes you need begin inside your head. You say you can't, well today, do something scary. Something different which challenges you. (Talk to a stranger in the street, phone a charity and offer your services, anything). Just change.

lace

Hi OP!

Unfortunately, with the way the economy is lately lots of people feel a bit broken The best thing you can do is to, firstly, try to have a more positive outlook. Try not to blame your situation on the fact that you're unemployed or live with your parents and take matters into your own hands. There are lots of things you can do to make yourself feel better - it just requires a little bit of hard work and positive thinking.

There's lots of help and support available for mature students who can't afford to go to college. Get yourself down to your local citizen's information or welfare office and they should be able to give you some advice on grants, rent allowance etc. Here's the website to start you off : http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/education/third_level_education/fees_and_supports_for_third_level_education/grants_and_funds_available_for_mature_students.html

You could also have a look on http://www.qualifax.ie/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2:adult-learners&catid=10:for-adult-learners&Itemid=42 - they have excellent information on courses and colleges.

If you really want to live alone but decide not to go to college you could try applying for council housing or rent allowance. Again - this is something you'd have to enquire about in the citizen's information office but there's no harm in looking into it.

Have you tried looking for free FAS and Springboard courses? If you enjoy being out in the workforce and are receiving Jobseeker's Allowance then you might be eligible for a JobBridge internship. I know most only earn you €50 extra on top of your allowance but the experience gained would look great on a CV and working would help to get you out of the house and meeting new people. Take a look at what they've got on offer at : http://intern.jobbridge.ie/
FAS also run Job Clubs for people seeking work. They'll be able to help you refine and improve your CV as well as talk through interview skills etc.
http://www.fas.ie/en/Communities/Job+Clubs/default.htm

As for meeting friends - there of plenty of free activities you could do to help you meet new people. Working for a local charity such as SVP is a great way to get involved and meet people. Joining a charity group is free and will usually involve working in teams so you'll get a chance to mingle with lots of different people. Is there an annual festival, show day or fair in your area? If so, events like this are always looking for people to help out with planning, organization or execution of the event so keep an eye out for committees looking for new members! Things like this also look excellent on a CV!

On the point of appearance - @Oryx has a great point about the student hairdressing colleges! They're always looking for models and won't charge you for it! If you're tired of wearing the same clothes you could try taking a look in a charity shop (they often have really good stuff - some of it with tags still on) and see if you can get some nice bits. Or try Penneys when they have reduced rails or sales on. They often reduce tshirts and things right down to €2 or €3!

LegacyUser

You sound like you are surrounding yourself with negatives, reasons why you 'can't'. You need to change that attitude, and break out of the narrow box you have put yourself in. Not everything costs money. Voluntary work and some clubs are free. Libraries are also free and full of information on things like groups and classes.

Yes, you are right, I'm a negative person a lot of times. Sometimes I'm not and I feel I could conquer the world, but that feeling doesnt last too long, unfortunally.
I'll definitively look for some groups to join in. At least I'll give it a try.

Dont look on living alone as the solution to your problems, in some ways it might isolate you more. Being independant is what you need to strive for, and you can begin acting independantly whilst living at home. If your parents do stuff for you, then do it yourself.


I dont wanna live alone to be alone, quite the opposite. I think it will give me some extra confidence to do what I do and want to do. Also, I'd be a bit separated from this house that keeps under mining my efforts. Not being a drama queen, or trying to get away from my responsibilities, but it's not rare to hear from my Mom stuff like: «You look ugly, you were so cute when you were small» or even making fun when she hears me talking with someone. Though I talk like anybody else..
I do pretty much everything by myself, except doing the laundry and cooking the dinner

And go to a hairdressing college and see if you can get a cheap student cut!

Basically the changes you need begin inside your head. You say you can't, well today, do something scary. Something different which challenges you. (Talk to a stranger in the street, phone a charity and offer your services, anything). Just change.

I dont know about the cut. I would feel well asking someone else to cut my hair for free.

Again I agree, I need to change the voice inside my head and make it say that I can.
I can code and design for the web with a good quality standard... I think my challenge will be contacting a local restaurant that I'm pretty sure will be interested in having a website.
I'll do it tomorrow, hope that I dont get a heart attack.

Thank you very much for the hints!


There's lots of help and support available for mature students who can't afford to go to college. Get yourself down to your local citizen's information or welfare office and they should be able to give you some advice on grants, rent allowance etc. Here's the website to start you off : http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/education/third_level_education/fees_and_supports_for_third_level_education/grants_and_funds_available_for_mature_students.html

You could also have a look on http://www.qualifax.ie/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2:adult-learners&catid=10:for-adult-learners&Itemid=42 - they have excellent information on courses and colleges.

I live in Portugal, but that's a good idea. Not sure if we have something like that, but I'll pass tomorrow over the university to check if there's someway I can get a bit of help.

If you really want to live alone but decide not to go to college you could try applying for council housing or rent allowance. Again - this is something you'd have to enquire about in the citizen's information office but there's no harm in looking into it.

Probably this sounds too proud, but I dont think it's a good thing to live using other people's money, just because I'm screwed up in my head. There's people that really need it more than me.
I'll try harder to get a job or even the web design thing can help.


As for meeting friends - there of plenty of free activities you could do to help you meet new people. Working for a local charity such as SVP is a great way to get involved and meet people. Joining a charity group is free and will usually involve working in teams so you'll get a chance to mingle with lots of different people. Is there an annual festival, show day or fair in your area? If so, events like this are always looking for people to help out with planning, organization or execution of the event so keep an eye out for committees looking for new members! Things like this also look excellent on a CV!

Yes, as Oryx said, that sounds really cool and it's a nice idea!

On the point of appearance - @Oryx has a great point about the student hairdressing colleges! They're always looking for models and won't charge you for it! If you're tired of wearing the same clothes you could try taking a look in a charity shop (they often have really good stuff - some of it with tags still on) and see if you can get some nice bits. Or try Penneys when they have reduced rails or sales on. They often reduce tshirts and things right down to €2 or €3!

Oh no, using charity clothes is really not an option. My mom would know about it and she would freak out, saying I made her look like a bad mom and yeah... I would hear about this for a month, every single day.
Hmmm... I'm not sure if here's any kind of shop with 2 euros tshirts. I actually like very much plain white tshirts, so probably I can find a shop like that hidden somewhere in an alley

Thank you also for trying to help me out
I'll let you know if I have some good news.

LegacyUser

I dont if you really care, but your simple tips made a huge difference and I'm very grateful for it.

I actually got that webdesign job and another one with a cake decoration store. More important than this, I realized that the demand is pretty high, and I decided to go for it, building my own portfolio and all that stuff to bring customers easier.

It's weird how a couple of posts giving me some support helped me so much. I'm feeling really confident and I havent been so happy for a long time.

Things are getting a lot better and you two were part of the change.
Thank you very much, if there's something real about kharma, I'm pretty sure you guys earned a lot of extra points

Take care

Mister Dread

You really should have went to college after school.