How to attract older men?

LegacyUser

I'm not complaining, I have my reasons for this. I am now thirty and the last two serious relationships I've had were with men younger than me. Not much now but enough. One was 6 years in the difference and the other 3. The problem is I would like to date someone older than me but I seem to attract younger men. The last two men who asked me out are younger than me. Both of them now have new girlfriends younger than them (one is 10 years younger than me) Up until I was 21 I dated guys older than me, then when I was 24 it fliped. I haven't been asked out by a guy older than me since I was 21 I think. I'm told I look younger than I am so that may be why. I'm not agest, I'm not assuming all men over 30 are mature and under immature. I just think for a change I'd really like to date someone older, not massively, somewhere between 30 and 40. How do I find such creatures? I've just moved to a new area so I don't know many people, friends of friends won't work. Btw I'm fairly certain its not my sense of dress thats giving off bad signals. I've done the usual of joining a club of my interest, thinking of havin a coffee at my gym and trying to make eye contact but guys in their 30s/40s seem less forward.. more difficult to encourage. How do I go about this?

RedXIV

Find one you like the look of and ask him out?

To be honest, unless your already doing this, I can see where you are going wrong. Its true that younger men are more forward, they have youth on their side, they will be more likely to be out and about in social scenes as they will probably have less responsibilities and also, the taken 30 year olds were probably the outspoken 20 year olds so you'll have to be more forward to deal with the shy older men.

Hope this helps!

zxcvbnm1

RedXIV wrote: »

Find one you like the look of and ask him out?

To be honest, unless your already doing this, I can see where you are going wrong. Its true that younger men are more forward, they have youth on their side, they will be more likely to be out and about in social scenes as they will probably have less responsibilities and also, the taken 30 year olds were probably the outspoken 20 year olds so you'll have to be more forward to deal with the shy older men.

Hope this helps!

I would say that older guys ar emore forward.
They may not be dancing around the nigt=clubs as much - but they will e less shy in asking someone out.

Purely because anyone in their mid-30's forties needs to be more pro-active. They don't have as ,much tume on their side.

OP - go speedating. That's where you will find them. And anyone there at that age will be more than happy to hook up with someone of your age.

Emme

I could have written the OP's post when I was 30! My advice is don't fight it too hard because older men can be tough work. Let 27 be your lower age limit and take it from there. Once men go past 33 or so they seem to be less open to a committed relationship for various reasons. One is that they have more women available to them and start getting spoilt with the attention. Another is that (like women) they older they get the more likely they are to be burned by previous relationships so they're more cautious.

I honestly think that the OP has a better chance of finding a LTR with a guy between the ages of 27 and 33 than with a guy older than that.

I'm 39 now and spent too much time in my younger years keeping younger guys in friendzone because I specifically wanted a man that was older than me. I always found it difficult to attract men who were older, maybe because of my attitude and maybe because of my hobbies, friends etc. I did meet some but always found that the older men were harder work. I still look young for my age but these days what matters to the men I meet these days is the number of miles on the clock and not the condition I'm in (fighting fit ). Now I regret not giving the younger guys more of a chance. I wasted too much time looking for a man who was "older" because I mistakenly believed he would be a better partner. Many's the couple that get together when the guy is 27 and the woman is 30 and have a great partnership.

OP, if you're 30 and want children you shouldn't knock back a guy because he's 3 or even 4 years younger and wants the same thing. Don't be too hung on finding a man that's older, just find one you're compatible with and if he's a few years younger then so be it.

I think a guy has to be at least 10 years younger before you can call yourself a cougar!

pilph

What convinces you the age difference is so important?

I'm in my mid 30's and the last 4 girls I have gone out with were all younger. To be honest I found no difference at all in their maturity, despite their varying ages.

They all seemed to be really nice people in different situations in life. You mention maturity, but I'm not sure that is linked to age all that much? I know some lads who are in their 40's and are still jack the lads :-)

starlit

Hey OP, I am very much the same as you, I tend to attract and be more attracted to younger men than older men. I like a mixture of both older and younger men but tend to go for younger men for some reason.

I am still in my mid 20's but I would put a limit on the age gap though. I personally prefer and get on better with guys younger or nearer my age whether they are younger or older than me or not. I find I don't always get on with older guys, I find there is always something in the way or that I see them more as friends or brothers than anything else. Looks isn't a major thing for me but personality is.

Chatting with them is grand you can have a decent, serious and humorous and intellectual conversation with them but with younger guys you can have a laugh like, can be serious or not.

I am not denying that I fancy older men just that when it comes to relationships its different being friends with them no problem but anything more than that for me now at my stage in life its a little harder to be more than just friends with them find its easier to be friends with them.

I still act like I am 21 and relate more to younger people even though at times I feel I am getting old lol. Anyway what I am saying is you are at a good age OP, you can vouch for men who are both younger and older. I wouldn't let just chasing older men as your only suitors to pursue, I wouldn't knock younger guys just yet but I suppose if you want something different go for an older guy.

You are at an age where you could be flexible about age gaps as they close in as you get older. Older guys are tougher to crack but think if you have a level of maturity, independent, self-sufficient nature then they should be happy to chat you up! Elegance and being classy will catch their eye know doubt not a puppy dog!

LegacyUser

Emme wrote: »

I could have written the OP's post when I was 30! My advice is don't fight it too hard because older men can be tough work. Let 27 be your lower age limit and take it from there. Once men go past 33 or so they seem to be less open to a committed relationship for various reasons. One is that they have more women available to them and start getting spoilt with the attention. Another is that (like women) they older they get the more likely they are to be burned by previous relationships so they're more cautious.

I honestly think that the OP has a better chance of finding a LTR with a guy between the ages of 27 and 33 than with a guy older than that.

I'm 39 now and spent too much time in my younger years keeping younger guys in friendzone because I specifically wanted a man that was older than me. I always found it difficult to attract men who were older, maybe because of my attitude and maybe because of my hobbies, friends etc. I did meet some but always found that the older men were harder work. I still look young for my age but these days what matters to the men I meet these days is the number of miles on the clock and not the condition I'm in (fighting fit ). Now I regret not giving the younger guys more of a chance. I wasted too much time looking for a man who was "older" because I mistakenly believed he would be a better partner. Many's the couple that get together when the guy is 27 and the woman is 30 and have a great partnership.

OP, if you're 30 and want children you shouldn't knock back a guy because he's 3 or even 4 years younger and wants the same thing. Don't be too hung on finding a man that's older, just find one you're compatible with and if he's a few years younger then so be it.

I think a guy has to be at least 10 years younger before you can call yourself a cougar!

Cannot agree with this enough. I spent my twenties with older guys (30s-late 30s/40ish), cause I foolishly thought the age added... something. I'm sorry, but it doesn't. You are just as likely - actually more like - to settle with someone younger. Less baggage, less commitmentphobia, more fun and plenty of years ahead to gain that (alleged) older man mystique.

I don't wanna offend anyone with generalisatons. But I'm 37 now and have done a lot of living. I'm now the same age as they guys I used to date. When I think of them now I see that they'd had their adventures; they just didn't have that young, fun 'spark' and instead of finding it in themselves, it was too easy to borrowed it from the many available younger women - like vampires! - but more weird old Gary Oldman vampire than hot young Robert Pattison vampire! Oh I do dither in my old age. Maybe I need to feast on some younger flesh ;-)

Enjoy it while you can dear. I imagine lots of older guys would love to meet you. Try the internet cause the older ones you meet in bars have often spent decades on that bar stool, working their way through years of young wans.

Distorted

Emme wrote: »

I could have written the OP's post when I was 30! My advice is don't fight it too hard because older men can be tough work. Let 27 be your lower age limit and take it from there. Once men go past 33 or so they seem to be less open to a committed relationship for various reasons. One is that they have more women available to them and start getting spoilt with the attention. Another is that (like women) they older they get the more likely they are to be burned by previous relationships so they're more cautious.

I honestly think that the OP has a better chance of finding a LTR with a guy between the ages of 27 and 33 than with a guy older than that.

I would agree with this too - its spot on. Something seems to happen to single men when they reach a certain age involving cynicism, inflexibility and stick in the mud-edness. Not all of them, but it must be hard to find a single one who has the open mindedness and that attitude to please you that younger men have. Also if its marriage and settling down you're looking for, you need to think why a single man in his 40's or older would suddenly decide to settle down and break the habits of a lifetime.

And theres nothing more cheering than having a younger man, with lots of energy, no wrinkles and wanting to impress you, not comparing you to previous girlfriends!

But in answer to your question, flattery seems to be the way to attract the older man. Coupled with a bit of running about after and devotion.

visual

I think it more to do with mental age and maturity....



Older guys have been around the block and younger immature girls is like a well read book... whats the benefit in reread the same book when there is so many books on the shelf... having a bit of class is where is at when you get a little older

Emme

Distorted wrote: »

But in answer to your question, flattery seems to be the way to attract the older man. Coupled with a bit of running about after and devotion.

Indeed :rolleyes:. If anybody remembers Waynesworld just do the "we are not worthy" thing over and over again at the feet of older men, they like that. A lot. And they're also less likely to take the initiative and ask women out regardless of the woman's age. If they go out with younger women the younger women often ask them out or make the first move! I was really surprised to hear that as I thought the older men would be chasing the younger women and not the other way round.

Best chasers of all are younger men...:D

By all means date an older man OP, it will be an education if nothing else. You might appreciate younger men and men your own age more afterwards. OK, there are some good older men about but by the law of averages most of them will be taken.

gerryk

Emme wrote: »

If anybody remembers Waynesworld just do the "we are not worthy" thing over and over again at the feet of older men, they like that. A lot.

I am an older man and I approve this statement.

Emme

sunflower27 wrote: »

Classic. I am going to laugh about this for a long time. What age are we talking here? Men in their late 30s?

Late 30s up. I was being slightly sarcastic though.

LegacyUser

I think I've got some good advise from this thread.. thanks. I just figured a guy older than me would appreciate me more, and would be less likely to dump me for someone younger years down the line! but then I don't want someone who only wants me for my looks in the first place. I've been harse on younger guys. I'm not asking men their age anymore.

Taltos

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LegacyUser

DontWantoBeACougar wrote: »

I think I've got some good advise from this thread.. thanks. I just figured a guy older than me would appreciate me more, and would be less likely to dump me for someone younger years down the line! but then I don't want someone who only wants me for my looks in the first place. I've been harse on younger guys. I'm not asking men their age anymore.

Another issue with SOME older guys is that they date younger because they think a woman their own age will put the pressure on to have kids asap. When I was 29 I got into a relationship with a man 10 yrs older, who ran for the hills when I seriously discussed babies (even though we were together 2yrs already)... settling down 'someday' had been a vague promise before that. He couldn't believe that a girl of 'only' 29 wasn't prepared to wait another 5-10 years. About a year later I heard through the grapevine that my replacement was a 25yr old. I've since heard he dumped her when she put the pressure on to have kids when she got to 30.

Of course there are good guys out there. My husband is four years older than me. But when dealing with an older guy, I would be very straight about your expectations from a relationship. They won't be surprised by that conversation because once people get into their thirties, having your cards on the table is normal. It's what grown up do. Or at least what those who have grown up do. And there are a lot of men who get instantly broody age 38 the same way women do.

But I still think 27-33 is prime settling down age for everyone. It's a new adventure to go on together.

jacklad

contact me, im a bit older

jacklad

im 54 and I think older women are a nightmare, they are boring, no sex appeal or inclination to do so, and just like to sit in the nest

BraziliaNZ

The generalisation going on here about men is pretty nuts. I'm 31, I don't feel any different to when I was 25 really, and I can't see myself changing much.
For some reason I have been attracted to women who are older than me, I don't know why, but my last 2 proper girlfriends were 5 and 7 years older than me. I find the life experience and having lived a little really attractive and sexy. For some reason I find them easier to talk to and there's less drama and bullsh*t with them.

Taltos

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