boyfriend is inattentive..?

LegacyUser

I'm 18 years old and this is my first relationship, so I'm not sure if this is normal or not. My boyfriend takes a long, long time to respond to my texts. We've been together a couple of months and at the start he always texted and responded quite quickly. Recently, he's become much slower at texting back, like he couldn't be bother. I take a bit of time to reply to texts I'm sent myself so it didn't bother me too much, but at this point it takes him over a day to respond and I know he hasn't been too busy to text back, as I can see he has had recent online activity.
I feel like he isn't attentive enough, and I'm so tempted to end it because I don't think it's too much to ask that I get a little bit more attention than he's giving me, but I have no past relationship experience. I don't want to find out when it's too late that this is perfectly normal and I've just blown it out of proportion. But surely taking over a day to respond with a simple text is an indication that his feelings are not that strong?

Kiera

Have you spoken to him about this? I think that's the first thing you should do to be honest.

LegacyUser

Kiera wrote: »

Have you spoken to him about this? I think that's the first thing you should do to be honest.

I have mentioned it to him in the past, nothing too serious, just kind of jokingly asking why he takes so long text back and he always responds with things like he's been busy and the sort, but I've been in his company when he has received texts and he's seems to answer those almost immediately?

Wolfe Tone

How frequently do you text him? Tbh it can get really boring responding to texts if it is just inane chatter, especially because you have probably had the same conversation via text a load of times before. Its expensive too, hard going on the aul credit, how often do you see each other in person?

I rapidly get bored with texting, doesn't have any bearing with how I feel about the other person.

aidan24326

It's true that some people aren't that into texting, but at the same time if he was into you he would reply, simple as that. If you were important enough he'd do whatever it takes to stay in touch.

If he's being so-so about the whole thing well you know what that means, he just isn't all that bothered. He likes you a bit but not enough to make any great effort. Depends what you're after really. Short term fling and a bit of fun? Maybe. Longer term loving relationaship? Unlikely by the sounds of it.

Podgers

well from my experience i was going out with a girl for 9 years, at the start she would text me alot ring me every evening, then when we moved into a house together she would ring me every day on her lunch, i would never ring her, she would text me if i was out with the lads etc, i got used of it but i got fed up of it all, we would have nothing to say to each other most of the time.

personally i think absence makes the heart grow fonder, dont smother him, some peoples relationship needs are different. if he text you take your time.

LegacyUser

I'm just going to give you my own experience. When I was your age, I went out with a guy for about 8 months. When I look back on it, I don't know why.. He would very rarely text, or respond to my texts (taking over a day like you say). Now I mean that this was so bad that if I didn't text him to initiate contact, I wouldn't hear from him for a week sometimes. On top of this we rarely saw each other. Why did I stay with him? Well, like you said when it's your first relationship you don't know any different.

Do take a look at your texting behaviour. Do you smother him? Now for reference, I don't think texting him once a day, or twice if you need to tell him something etc., is smothering. If you're sending messages again and again when he doesn't respond then you should try to stop that and give him space. Although, from your post I don't see any evidence of this behaviour.

Talk to him, say you're not happy. Say that if he doesn't like texting then he could call you in the evening etc, but that you're not happy with the level of contact you have at the moment. You don't say how often you see him..if it's every day, then tbh you don't necessarily need the extra contact of texting and phone calls all the time (sometimes it's still nice though )

The main point here is that you're not happy with the way things are, and I know from my experience that it does make you insecure about his feelings for you if it's happening along with not seeing each other much. That insecurity can follow on to other relationships, and it's not a nice feeling.

Your first relationship should be fun, teach you about how relationships should be in their most innocent form. You're young, there's so much time for worrying about these things. After your chat with him, give him a week or two to see if he's listened to you. If he doesn't, well, you deserve much better and you deserve to have fun and be happy Good luck!

scriba

^^^^^ Really good advice!

Just another guy's perspective. I was, in my first proper relationship, that guy who didn't text. I wasn't even aware of how inconsiderate I was being at the time, and I regret it (much better at it now!) Have a chat and let him know how you feel, and work out a reasonable level of contact (some guys need it spelled out for them). If he can't meet you half way on this, then there's something wrong. Everyone has a different idea on relationships, and what constitutes being a good partner, but being attentive to you OH's needs (within reason) is very important. Best of luck.

Zen65

eorghgdkflgj wrote: »

Your first relationship should be fun, teach you about how relationships should be in their most innocent form. You're young, there's so much time for worrying about these things. After your chat with him, give him a week or two to see if he's listened to you. If he doesn't, well, you deserve much better and you deserve to have fun and be happy Good luck!

+1

Spot on eorghgdkflgj, I couldn't find a better way to phrase it, so I'm just going to praise it.

Be at peace,

Z

your first relationship? after a few months?
if im not wrong when you get a txt from him, your delighted? answer straight away, if you can, or soon after?

thats the way it should feel!!

imho, if he doesnt text you/ring you as soon as possible then he doesnt feel that.

sorry.

Hank_Jones

Might just be getting caught up in stuff and forget.

I often quickly view a text as I am doing something, then realise hours later that I meant to text the person back.

I'd be more worried if it was going the whole day without him texting back.