How to turn things around?

LegacyUser

Few issues going on lately - maybe all they are all related.
Feeling very down the last few weeks.

The first thing is that I am now single about 1.5 years. Only recently tried the dating scene again and it was a disaster - basically became too attached to someone who has no interest in me. So, sore heart there.

Am mid-30s and I feel like I will never meet anyone again. Its like the guys have dried up. I have a career, but I live at home (I dont mind living at home - low cost, save money-I do aspire to own my own home, but it scares me that I might have to do it alone). All my friends are settling down getting married, having babies. Am delighted for them, but it seems for me there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

I know happiness comes from within. And I have to say I was quite happy on my own, but that meeting that guy has probably opened something in me. Loneliness? Sadness?

Sometimes I feel like just walking out of my job and running off to another country. I have a good job, permanent, and it is what I studied for, but sometimes, more in the last few weeks, I almost have to make myself sit down and not go home. I just feel so low (never suffered depression or anything). Its like I am anxious and nervous all the time. Am tired of being happy for everyone else. I know that sounds selfish, but I am finding it hard. I recently started smoking about 20 fags a day as a crutch/to cope, but am not really coping at all. I cried only there about half hour ago. Am trying to stay positive and look at things objectively - things could be worse - alot worse, but its difficult at the moment to keep thinking like that.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

Aww hope your ok, i don't think you should feel guilty for feeling sad or lonely because you might think others are worse off than you, i had a very bad childhood, but pain is pain babe, and feeling lonely is the same across the board.

What i see is that you have grown and achieved what you wanted to but now you want to know whats next. Im 33 female. When i was growing up i could see where i was going till i was 30 i think lol because i just thought after that your married with kids etc. but thats not what happening to me! and i am in a 15 year relationship with a lovely guy were like 2 peas in a pod and we have no kids and were not married, i feel the same as you. I felt crap at xmas and i inherited some money. I just didn't want to wake up anther day feeling ****, same **** different day kind of feeling so i booked a flight to NYC and just went. I am an artist to was able to get a studio/apt, told the BF this was something i wanted for me and off i went.

Well i never expected the journey i had. It really shook up my life! It was like living a dream! I lost a stone and a half over night, i walked around those streets full of life and full of confidence it was like i had wings because i met great people and i was the life and soul of every party, didn't know i had it in me! but i think you need to take a risk now too!

You are in a great position. Renting is a good thing! you can go and do what you want you hade that freedom. COuld you come up with a plan and go somewhere? I went for 3 months which was long, but a month somewhere will give you a new lease of life, just make a plan and do it, i know i had some funds to help me but even if you made a plan for Jan, at least you are changing your energy and feeling like your doing something that your soul is crying out for.

MY thing i did may not be for you, maybe you like home, maybe you just want a change of job, but one thing i know is that we all have a life purpose and it usually has something to do with what gives you most joy.


here is a quote i went out to NYC with and lived by everyday!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

—-from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.


I hope you feel better i know that anxiety and lonely feeling, All the best XOXO

Lanaier

inahole wrote: »

Sometimes I feel like just walking out of my job and running off to another country.

Maybe you should, just be aware that any issues you have will definitely follow you there.

What do you think you'd get from going to another country?

PS: for god sake give up the fags!!

LegacyUser

inahole wrote: »

Few issues going on lately - maybe all they are all related.
Feeling very down the last few weeks.
The first thing is that I am now single about 1.5 years. Only recently tried the dating scene again and it was a disaster - basically became too attached to someone who has no interest in me. So, sore heart there.
Am mid-30s and I feel like I will never meet anyone again. Its like the guys have dried up. I have a career, but I live at home (I dont mind living at home - low cost, save money-I do aspire to own my own home, but it scares me that I might have to do it alone). All my friends are settling down getting married, having babies. Am delighted for them, but it seems for me there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
I know happiness comes from within. And I have to say I was quite happy on my own, but that meeting that guy has probably opened something in me. Loneliness? Sadness?
Sometimes I feel like just walking out of my job and running off to another country. I have a good job, permanent, and it is what I studied for, but sometimes, more in the last few weeks, I almost have to make myself sit down and not go home. I just feel so low (never suffered depression or anything). Its like I am anxious and nervous all the time. Am tired of being happy for everyone else. I know that sounds selfish, but I am finding it hard. I recently started smoking about 20 fags a day as a crutch/to cope, but am not really coping at all. I cried only there about half hour ago. Am trying to stay positive and look at things objectively - things could be worse - alot worse, but its difficult at the moment to keep thinking like that.

I could've written your post myself OP, although Im a man and it seems like all the suitable women have dried up. All I ever seem to meet are women who have children or women who aren't all there(or both). I dont want to date a woman who already has kids. Nothing against kids its just that I'd like to do that whole thing with someone who hasnt been down that road already, so we're both experiencing it for the first time.
All my friends are married with children so I rarely get to see them or go out socialising with them, which makes it difficult to meet someone and join the club, kind of a catch 22 situation. I'm mostly happy in my own company, thats probably the problem, too happy, didnt go out of my way to seek out a relationship. Its a socially awkward situation to be in, for example theres a concert I'd like to go to in a few weeks but having asked around, nobody is available or wants to go. I've gone to a good few gigs on my own at this stage, (and I'll continue to go regardless) but it can be hard. Surrounded by couples or groups of couples, you do feel like the odd man out. Went to a wedding a few weeks back and again that was pretty difficult. Everybody was coupled up, I counted 2 single women there(didnt fancy them)which if you take that wedding as a microcosm of society, was kind of bleak.
Im in the process of trying some things myself at the moment. I'm a member of a club(sports)but all the women are taken already so thats a non starter. Internet dating just isnt my thing. Had a look at it but it just seems like a big human meat market where everybody is trying to sell themselves, a bit contrived, artificial, comes across as a bit undignified to be honest. Rather end up on my own than put myself through that.

Sorry that was more about me than it was about you OP. Heres what I think about your situation, I agree with the comment that running off to another country wont solve anything, you're issues will follow you no matter where you go. I've nothing against travelling, I think its great to see the world, but do it after you've gotten yourself sorted, then you'll be able to actually enjoy it. Give up the smokes aswell, they're making you feel worse not better. As for owning your place, yeah that would be a good thing, and if its financially doable, go for it. If the only thing stopping you from getting your own place is a fear of doing it on your own then you'll have to bite the bullett and just do it. It would be nice to have somebody to share the load with, sure, but if its something you want to do you cant let the fact that you'll be doing it alone stop you. Good luck.