Ex Woes

LegacyUser

Quick one for you guys...

I'm seeing this great new girl this past while, really going well for both of us and I'm excited about where it's going. Now my ex who I went out with for over 3 years, and broke up with last Summer, recently found out as I told her and she emailed pretty much straight after to meet up for a chat. When I told her in person she was visibly upset.

Normally we would meet every few months anyway because we have no bad feelings and get along fine. I would meet her no problem, but I'm not so sure this is a good idea now that I'm seeing somebody. I mentioned it to my new girlfriend as I think everything should be out in the open and things got a little uncomfortable. She was very reasonable about it saying I don't mind if you meet her but told me straight out it's not something she'd be happy with, totally understandable, I would be the same in her situation.

I don't have any feelings towards my ex anymore but I feel terrible telling her I don't want to meet, on the other hand I don't want to jeopardise this new relationship. If we did meet it would probably be the last time and maybe it's something I owe her, but I'm not sure what we'll get out of it, we broke up a long time ago and maybe it's just time to move on. How do I say this? Would a phone call be more acceptable?

OS119

jim_confused wrote: »

...maybe it's something I owe her...QUOTE]


why do you think you owe her?

from what i can tell in your post, you broke up a year ago (is that right?), you have been pleasent and civil when you've met, and you did her the courtesy of letting her know that you've met someone else so that she didn't hear it from someone else, or find out when she saw you snogging this girl in a bar in town.

i don't see how you 'owe her' anything - and if neither you, nor your current GF are particularly keen for you to meet up with her again, i don't see why you think you ought to.

its possible that she just wants to wish you her best (and mean it), and prove that there's no awkwardness - but do you want to run the risk? she might throw a scene, she might tell you she still loves you, she might tell you she's pregnant, she might meet you and then plaster the internet with falsehoods about you going back to her place for 'old times sake'.

i don't see you having any reason to 'need' to meet up with her, and lots of reasons to avoid her like the plague.

LegacyUser

Do you have feelings for your ex still? Why would you owe her anything?

Ask yourself why she would be upset? If she was your friend, she'd be happy for you that youre moving on.

Guys make this mistake all the time. She's only acting "upset" because its the age old story, she only wants you/( or realising) because youre with someone else.
I assume youve concluded she still likes you("visibly upset"??)..

Exes and new relationships are never a good mix. So, if you want to have a fair go of the relationship, leave your ex out of it. I know from past experience, with my last ex, his ex kept hounding, him constantly and little did he know, it was tearing us apart and plus, he knew I wasnt happy about it yet he ignored me.
Your gf has made it clear, in a nice assertive manner, shes not happy, and she wont warn you again.

So if I was you, the ex will have to go.

maxxie

Jim, move on dude!

I was in the same position very recently.
Had a good friendship going with my ex which I naively thought was simply that.

But the ex thought it was us developing into a relationship again.
Wasn't that way for me, got on fine when seeing each other casually but when in a relationship was very difficult.

When I met my present girlfriend the ex got very upset , told me how much she loved me and wanted to get back together. I couldn't do it, didn't feel right.

She doesnt speek to me now and I am very happy with my smoking hot lovely girlfriend.

Start a new chapter dude!

LegacyUser

Sound advice guys, much appreciated and pretty much confirms what my head was thinking.

It's hard to cut off somebody who you have deeply cared about but such is life. I'm only interested in one relationship right now and really want to give it every chance.

All the best.