Women Proposing

um7y1h83ge06nx · 12-09-2011 7:31am #1

Hi lads,

So what do people think of women proposing?

My GF and I happened to be discussing proposals over the weekend (won't be happening for another while though!).

Anyway she was adamant that if she thought the time was right that she would have no problem proposing. Now I'm usually pretty liberal when it comes to a lot of things, particularly sexual equality (honestly), but I said the whole idea didn't sit right for me. I was in a long-term relationship before and I imagined myself proposing if it was to happen, never her. This may sound a little strange but from once a couple are engaged to their wedding day things are very much centred around the woman in the vast majority of cases. I like to see the proposal as the one place in the entire "process" where the man takes the lead and the limelight.

The above paragraph seems quite sexist possibly reading over it, maybe I feel this way because marriage is a very traditional thing anyway.

shannon_tek · 12-09-2011 7:36am

From what I've been told it has been tradition for women to propose but somewhere along the line It's been lost. So....

Sky King · 12-09-2011 7:57am

29th Feb isn't it?

MitchKoobski · 12-09-2011 8:29am

I think where it comes from is the macho side of things. (Its not the phrase I'm looking for but its the best I can think of the moment.)

I can't even imagine a guy ringing his friends and family saying "Guuuys she proposed! We're getting married!". I'd rather either person do it, but I can only ever picture the wife ringing around saying "He proposed!". I just picture the guy saying "We're getting married!" or "I proposed!"

LeeHoffmann · 12-09-2011 9:31am

hmm I know what you mean OP about the proposal is seen as the man's part in the wedding business. Mt OH and I had a similar situation as yourselves - I saw no problem with proposing, but he wanted to be the one to do it. I let him do it, then popped the questions back at him and gave him a ring a few months later - it was half a joke, half me giving him an engagement ring which I knew he wanted. Now we're planning the wedding, I think he was more of the impression that I'd want to organise it, be the centre of attention, that it would me 'my day' etc (the traditional view) but he learned such was not the case. He's involved in the organising and we're planning plenty of moments for him and his mates to steal the limelight and share the burden. I don't think your view is sexist OP - I think most people would agree with you, but the times they are a'changing

strobe · 12-09-2011 7:10pm

I wouldn't be a fan of it personally.

Wolfe Tone · 12-09-2011 7:15pm

I certainly wouldn't like it.

jaffacakesyum · 12-09-2011 8:47pm

I know quite a few women who have proposed to their OH's and no one involved has seen it as weird or unusual. I don't see it as a problem either

But if it's that important to the guy then I would hope the woman would compromise and let the man propose

Dolbert · 12-09-2011 9:14pm

If the gentleman in question has faffed about for too many years, then he has no-one to blame but himself if/ when she asks :pac:

In all seriousness though, I don't think he'd like it, so I wouldn't. Totally depends on the relationship though.

LeeHoffmann · 13-09-2011 8:14am

Jeez it's just a question though! There are no rules about who asks who to move in together

MitchKoobski · 13-09-2011 8:35am

Moving in together and proposing to someone are two completely different things!

It's not "just a question". It's considered THE big question.

LeeHoffmann · 13-09-2011 8:52am

Traditionally it was THE big questions, when everybody was living at home with Mammy and Daddy and women were virgins when they married. These days, it's extremely likely that people have discussed marriage and their plans for life thereafter long before the question is ever popped. Popping the question these days is more of a formality for most people I think. And I would see it as a step in a relationship. The big steps = first date, making your relationship 'official'/exclusive, moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, having kids (if that's what you want)

um7y1h83ge06nx · 13-09-2011 9:07am

I'm going to have a stab with my opinion of the different steps in a relationship.

first date - I'm really a nothing ventured, nothing gained sort of guy. If I meet a girl out some night and things look even half promising I would text and arrange to go for a few quiet drinks a few days later.

making your relationship 'official'/exclusive - This seems strange to some but I have never had "The Talk" with anyone. Things just seem to organically work themselves out.

moving in together - Yeah, that's a good step forward I think, I have never been at this stage with anyone yet, my previous girlfriend (my most major relationship so far) only lived down the road from me here in Limerick and we both had our own houses so we didn't really push this along (maybe a mistake, who knows).

getting engaged - Well I'll be doing the proposing!

I see engagement as a pretty quick step, in my opinion I don't see the point of long engagement, if you're committed you're committed so quickly move onto...

getting married - Contracts signed for better or for worse!

having kids (if that's what you want) - Probably good to have a chat about this early enough in the relationship. I firmly believe people need to be of the same opinion on having kids or major strains will occur if you get to this step and find two completely opposing views.

LeeHoffmann · 13-09-2011 9:26am

,

donalg1 · 13-09-2011 9:32am

tis an awful idea for the girl to propose, bet she wouldnt buy her own engagement ring when shes doing it

LeeHoffmann · 13-09-2011 9:44am

I knew of a woman who went to Turkey with her mam on holiday. She bought herself an engagement ring and gave it to her OH when she got back. The really mad part is he had to give her the money for the ring!! :eek:

I'm posting too much on this thread. Going to zip it for a while

py2006 · 13-09-2011 10:13am

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

I knew of a woman who went to Turkey with her mam on holiday. She bought herself an engagement ring and gave it to her OH when she got back. The really mad part is he had to give her the money for the ring!! :eek:

I'm posting too much on this thread. Going to zip it for a while

I sure hope he didn't give her the money!! What kind of doormat is he???

LeeHoffmann · 13-09-2011 10:28am

I think he did Py - he did as he was told and proposed as well!

um7y1h83ge06nx · 13-09-2011 10:38am

Wow, no way in the world would I do that!

How unromantic - "Dear, here's the ring, here's the script you should use to propose to me. Now.. lights, camera, action!"

py2006 · 13-09-2011 10:39am

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

I think he did Py - he did as he was told and proposed as well!

Wow, that will last! :rolleyes:

um7y1h83ge06nx · 13-09-2011 10:41am

py2006 wrote: »

Wow, that will last! :rolleyes:

Indeed, may as well carry him off to my veterinary friend and tell him to do the decent thing!

Lady Chuckles · 13-09-2011 2:41pm

I wouldn't want to propose to a man. I'm a little bit very old-fashioned.
However, I don't think anyone will propose to me either. Not by own free will

Princess Peach · 14-09-2011 5:41pm

Totally depends on the couple. Me and my boyfriend are romantic saps, so I know he would want to make it a big cheesy gesture, which I would mock him for for the rest of his life but we would both love it. I'm not old fashioned or traditional, but I know it would make him happy to propose.

But I wouldn't think any way badly about a couple in which the woman proposed. Just their way of doing things. Some people don't see engagement as a romantic moment, or a traditional thing.

Women Proposing

Comments