Fail

LegacyUser

.. it catches in my throat and nearly smothers me sometimes. has anyone any advice to help overcome this? it is affecting my ability to take an opportunity that has arisen for me. is it all down to confidence, do you need to be confident to take risks, or do you take risks completely bricking it? or what if it not a risk when you have a good idea that the outcome is not going to make you happy in the shorterm but longterm it might.. feel the fear and do it anyway.. what does this mean? is feeling the fear itself supposed to be good, when it makes me so stressed? sorry if this is illogical, my head is all over the place!

MitchKoobski

Best advice I was ever given on this:

No one is ever counting or keeping track how many times you fail. The more you fail, the more you learn.

LegacyUser

Thanks for those words Mitch, I know the greatest battle i will fight is against myself.

Love.

The Aspirations Coach

Hi there,

Would you be able to expand a bit on this particular thing that you're afraid of? There are so many different angles to look at your fear:

1. Do you know what your values are- the things that are most important to you? Often when people have clearly defined values- decision making is easier.

2. Do you trust yourself? Confidence is all well and good but very few people are confident when embarking on something new. They may have an illusion of being confident which they have learnt but real confidence comes from practice and doing. So the question here is do you trust yourself to make a decision?

3. I'd also be interested to know what your definition of failure is as it means different things to different people i.e some people will see it as financial problems, others will see their pride damaged, others will be terrified at what people may think of them and others again will view it as a lesson? What does failure mean to you?

Feel the fear and do it anyway- I tried reading that book years ago and I hated it but then I read it again recently and how I summed it up in my head was like this- Everyone experiences fear. It is a perfectly normal response. If I try something new that I'm afraid of and the worst case scenario happens- could I handle it? My answer was yes. Whatever life throws at me, even if it is something I fear more than anything- I know that I can handle it.

If you are able to give a bit more detail about your current situation or even let us know feedback from the three points above, I might be able to post some exercises I know can be useful to begin to get really clear on how to manage yourself when you're afraid!

Paula

LegacyUser

i always had / have a fear of failing. Im now 28 and not so much anymore. i guess the older i get the more confident in myself i become so i don't mind if i fail at things. I have done alot of things in the past ive failed at/regret but at the end of the day its in the past. You only live once. Thats another thing that I often think about now im 28 - i only live once. JUST GO FOR IT.

LegacyUser

Thank you so much for the above replies the fear that is deep rooted is of inadequacy, of not being good enough to my colleagues. i feel i compare myself all the time and i end up feeling so bad about myself that i just feel an inherent sense of failure. My job has alot to do with confidence also, which i lack completely. I am just wondering what i can do to push past this and overcome the fear, the fear nearly of myself and my lack of capability.

Thanks so much for your replies it ha given me much to think about..

Love.

The Aspirations Coach

Hi,

That's a huge breakthrough for you! If something is holding you back, shine a light on it and challenge it so that you can see it clearly. When you can see it clearly, you can do something about it. Your feeling lack of self worth and self belief is disguising itself as a fear of failure. I get it, totally. I was there too and I built myself up to have a healthy, confident and happy appreciation of myself. You can work on your fear of failure for years and get nowhere, the key is to work on the real issue. Feeling fabulous about you, that sense of life running smoothly and elegantly. Funnily, most people I work with on this issue are the kindest, most generous souls you could encounter. Don't play small.

“If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.” T.Harv

Like anything - the only way to get good with failure is practise. Fail often. I know I have failed enough times in my life that I have become perfectly at peace with the state of affairs.

Remember though there is only one way to fail worse than to try something and fail and that is not to try at all. If you are afraid of failure then remember the person who was too scared to even try has failed more than the person who did, even if they do not succeed in the attempt.