Dreaming of childs death -Feeling child on loan

LegacyUser

Apologies in advance if this thread upset someone who has had to deal with the loss of a child.

My youngest child was a result of an unplanned pregnancy, it was a very stressful time for me and was a very negative pregnancy for me, however once the birth was over it all disappeared and I felt the unconditional love people talk about.

However in the first 4 years or so my child suffered numerous unexplained bouts of illness, doctors thought it was CF to Cancer but thankfully nothing like that has been diagnosed. My problem is that for a number of years I have got the feeling my child is 'on loan' to me, I have had numerous recurring dreams of my childs passing, these are very vivid dreams and very distressing as you can imaging. Over the last number of months they have become more recurrent and I am going through the process of planning the funeral, chosing the songs that will be sung, vividely feeling the grief. Recently I was in the car when I heard a song I had never heard before but was drawn to it for some strange reason, then within the words of the song was a full sentence that I had heard for years in my dreams as part of my childs uluegy, however after checking on line this is a song which has only be released by a new artist that has only released his first album recently.


I know this may all seem strange and have put it down to feeling guilty for the negativity around the pregnancy but honestly when I heard the words of the song it really made me question if I am getting signs to prepare myself for my childs passing. Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this and if so how have you dealt with it, I really have a genuine feeling and fear that my child will pass well before me although I don't worry the same about my other children. Thanks for reading.

Justask

This is gong to sound really harsh but you really really need to go and speak to a professional ASAP.

This is not normal in any way shape or form and you need to seek help.

Das Kitty

I really think you should talk to someone OP.

These thoughts are affecting your bond with your son. Your fears are taking over your life.

My first port of call would be my GP.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies although they have surprised me and I hadnt thought of it as needing to seek medical help it was more about the recurring dreams that were causing the concern for me as they felt so real. Just to clarify I love my child and I don't see it affecting our relationship in any negative capacity and would def. have done something if it had. Again thanks for the replies and i will take your comments on board, although I wonder if my gp will think i'm mad if I was to say it to him i'm sure he'l just say they are dreams and nothing else.

implausible

Are you religious OP? Maybe a member of the clergy might be able to talk this through with you. If you aren't, I would agree with the other posters that you should talk to someone about this.

I know you've said this isn't affecting your relationship with your son, but I honestly can't see how you can act normally around him if you feel he is going to be taken away from you.

Orion

I can only echo what others have said - you need to speak to someone. Whether that is your GP, a counsellor, family member or other trusted person is up to you.

I'm going to close this thread now as, quite frankly, any different advice would make me very uncomfortable.