Porn while in a relationship?

LegacyUser

Need some perspective good people of boards.
Is it common or normal for guys to still watch and get off to porn while they are living with their girlfriends?
My boyfriend has admitted to me that he has, not every day, but maybe every couple of days.

We have a good sex life, I never ever turn him down for sex when he is in the mood in fact its me that gets turned down if either of us ever do.
It wouldnt happen often but sometimes Im in the mood and he's too tired, or not in the right mind-frame, or not feeling "sexy" enough and I just have to go without.
Also, every time we have sex he has an orgasm and I never do, so its not like he's in any way sex starved or in need of sexual gratification from elsewhere.
I dont look at porn and I have FAR less orgasms then he has in the relationship.

So before I jump to any conclusions about this I would like to get some opinions, both from men and women, about whether this is a reflection of our relationship being unsatisfying to him, or whether this is just completely normal for all guys in relationships with people they live with?

Thanks for any feedback.

LegacyUser

why not look at it with him and spice up your relationship.... i think its perfectly acceptable to look at porn for both men and women.

jester77

It's completely normal and nothing to worry about unless he is obsessed with it.

To be honest, from the tone of your post I get the feeling that the porn is not the real issue here and that you feel unsatisfied in the relationship and are pinning this on the porn?

catch me if you can

Im a woman. It is completely normal for men and women to look at porn occasionally. and also to watch it together occasionally.
Its only when something becomes an obsession that you should be worried.

minidazzler

Porn is some great "alone" time really, to just destress and not have to worry about anything. It's literally nothing to do with you, as in, he is not unsatisfied with you, it's just something to pass time, or destress really quickly. I wouldn't say All guys in relationships would watch porn, but I would guess that most would, even if for most it's on the sly. It's really something that only becomes a problem if he is turning down sex to watch porn or he uses porn as a way to get you to do things you don't wanna do. (i.e. saying "The girls in the movies do it" to guilt you.)

LegacyUser

I'm a woman and I regularly watch and enjoy porn. My OH does too. I think it's a very healthy release and masturbation is a common and normal feature of any loving relationship and merely an addition to a fulfilling sex-life. It doesn't mean he is in any way unsatisfied. Both my OH and I have a very very active sex life and I don't think the fact we watch porn sometimes has effected us in any way, on the contrary. It's only when it replaces or effects your sex life that you have to worry.

inrelinrel wrote: »

Also, every time we have sex he has an orgasm and I never do, so its not like he's in any way sex starved or in need of sexual gratification from elsewhere.
I dont look at porn and I have FAR less orgasms then he has in the relationship.

To be honest hon this is as much your fault as it is his. Do you masturabate regularly? If not it might be time to start, you have to know how to get yourself off before guiding a partner on how to, time to get pro-active!

easychair

inrelinrel wrote: »

Need some perspective good people of boards.
Is it common or normal for guys to still watch and get off to porn while they are living with their girlfriends?
My boyfriend has admitted to me that he has, not every day, but maybe every couple of days.

We have a good sex life, I never ever turn him down for sex when he is in the mood in fact its me that gets turned down if either of us ever do.
It wouldnt happen often but sometimes Im in the mood and he's too tired, or not in the right mind-frame, or not feeling "sexy" enough and I just have to go without.
Also, every time we have sex he has an orgasm and I never do, so its not like he's in any way sex starved or in need of sexual gratification from elsewhere.
I dont look at porn and I have FAR less orgasms then he has in the relationship.

So before I jump to any conclusions about this I would like to get some opinions, both from men and women, about whether this is a reflection of our relationship being unsatisfying to him, or whether this is just completely normal for all guys in relationships with people they live with?

Thanks for any feedback.

Like most people who pose such questions, you are aware there is no right or wrong answer which applies to everyone. It's up to you both to decide if this is acceptable to you both, and if not how you resolve the issue together.

It's also possible to become addicted to porn and the internet, and if your partner is reluctant to discuss or take the issue seriously, then you might gather some statistics on internet porn addiction, and how internet porn addictions have led to the break up of relationships, and see how your partner responds to that.

Another possible route is meditation, if you consider it a problem for the relationship, and your partner refuses to accept this. A good mediator is worth their weight in gold, and it might just be the best thing you both ever do, if it comes to this.

If your partner then refuses to discuss or go to mediation, you'll then have a difficult decision to make.

LegacyUser

lightatendofthetunnel wrote: »

why not look at it with him and spice up your relationship.... i think its perfectly acceptable to look at porn for both men and women.

I have suggested this, and its a massive no no for him.
He said he would not like that at all.

LegacyUser

minidazzler wrote: »

Porn is some great "alone" time really, to just destress and not have to worry about anything. It's literally nothing to do with you, as in, he is not unsatisfied with you, it's just something to pass time, or destress really quickly.

Thank you SO much for this, its exactly what he told me himself.
I just wanted a second opinion so be sure he was being entirely honest
(not that I think he's a liar, but I mean him not wanting to hurt my feelings and perhaps sugar-coating his reasons - I trust his good intentions entirely).

This has helped me a lot.

LegacyUser

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wrote: »

It's only when it replaces or effects your sex life that you have to worry.

This is what I was slightly worried about.
The times that he is "not in the mood" etc, or cant really perform, I was slightly concerned that it may have been related to using up his sex-drive on porn before me, or being unattracted to me as a result of looking at hotter women in the porn clips.
I dont feel that way any more since reading these replies

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wrote: »

To be honest hon this is as much your fault as it is his. Do you masturabate regularly? If not it might be time to start, you have to know how to get yourself off before guiding a partner on how to, time to get pro-active!

I do indeed masturbate regularly, if I didn't Id go insane
I have talked to him many times about perhaps getting me off too playing a part in our sexual encounters, and always agrees at the time, but then when we are in the situation he just doesn't make the effort.
He knows what I like, and Id say about 3 times in our 2 1/2 years he has given me an orgasm, but not any more.
Even those times he would get kind of frustrated and awkward and huff and things, and say he didnt think he was doing it right when he really was, so id reassure him.
I think he just avoids it because it seems like hassle.

Anyway thanks for your advice

inrelinrel

inrelinrel wrote: »

Need some perspective good people of boards.
Is it common or normal for guys to still watch and get off to porn while they are living with their girlfriends?
My boyfriend has admitted to me that he has, not every day, but maybe every couple of days.

We have a good sex life, I never ever turn him down for sex when he is in the mood in fact its me that gets turned down if either of us ever do.
It wouldnt happen often but sometimes Im in the mood and he's too tired, or not in the right mind-frame, or not feeling "sexy" enough and I just have to go without.
Also, every time we have sex he has an orgasm and I never do, so its not like he's in any way sex starved or in need of sexual gratification from elsewhere.
I dont look at porn and I have FAR less orgasms then he has in the relationship.

So before I jump to any conclusions about this I would like to get some opinions, both from men and women, about whether this is a reflection of our relationship being unsatisfying to him, or whether this is just completely normal for all guys in relationships with people they live with?

Thanks for any feedback.

OP the porn thing is totally normal, but I think the highlighted parts are the real issues here.
I think you need to sit down and have a talk about this as it seems to be making you unhappy (of course it is) and go from there.

LegacyUser

bluewolf wrote: »

OP the porn thing is totally normal, but I think the highlighted parts are the real issues here.
I think you need to sit down and have a talk about this as it seems to be making you unhappy (of course it is) and go from there.

Thanks Bluewolf, it does leave me very frustrated sometimes, and then when I have to get myself off when I'm either still in his company, or still in the same house, it feels a little embarrassing and weird, like I'm left to sort myself out, if you know what I mean.

Perhaps Ill talk to him about it again.

Katgurl

... situation he just doesn't make the effort.
He knows what I like, and Id say about 3 times in our 2 1/2 years he has given me an orgasm, but not any more.
Even those times he would get kind of frustrated and awkward and huff and things, and say he didnt think he was doing it right when he really was, so id reassure him.
I think he just avoids it because it seems like hassle.

Anyway thanks for your advice [/Quote]

OP this is your problem right here, not the porn itself but the fact he is lazy and selfish. Frankly I don't know how you stayed with somebody for two and a half years who couldn't be bothered to look after your sexual needs.

LegacyUser

Katgurl wrote: »

... situation he just doesn't make the effort.
He knows what I like, and Id say about 3 times in our 2 1/2 years he has given me an orgasm, but not any more.
Even those times he would get kind of frustrated and awkward and huff and things, and say he didnt think he was doing it right when he really was, so id reassure him.
I think he just avoids it because it seems like hassle.

Anyway thanks for your advice

OP this is your problem right here, not the porn itself but the fact he is lazy and selfish. Frankly I don't know how you stayed with somebody for two and a half years who couldn't be bothered to look after your sexual needs.[/QUOTE]

Hi Katgurl, and thanks.
Its more that he gets awkward then him being purposely mean about it I think...
It takes a while for me to climax, like maybe 15 mins?
And I think he just gets frustrated and bored...
Its almost impossible for me to have an orgasm during sex, unless he touches me at the same time (sorry for all the gory details )
When we have sex there is not much foreplay, and then he is usually finished within ten mintutes.
He's not completely unfeeling or anything, like he does cuddle me and kiss me, but most times its just *get naked, he's having sex with me, he comes, end*
And a bit afterwards, or sometimes the next morning, im left feeling quite sexually frustrated and its embarrassing.
I have asked him to do things differently, like being on top sometimes rather then just behind me when we do it, but sometimes even suggesting something like that puts him off and he gets awkward and he's unable to do it and then he gets mad.

I usually have to wait for him to make the move.
If I try to initiate sex by touching and kissing, it usually works against me because he gets awkward and feels "under pressure" as he puts it.
Even if I say something like "Aw I hoped you wouldnt just go straight to sleep, I'm kinda in the mood..." again it just works against me, or he'll just say, ok well I'm tired, without even trying.
So basically, we only really ever have sex when he is in the mood, and that can be quite irritating.
I NEVER turn him down, even if I'm not in the mood initially I let myself ease into it. We have sex when he's in the mood and thats it.

Sorry, this is probably going completely off topic!!

But yeah, I guess this is why the porn issue bothered me a little and made me wonder, like does he not want to have sex with me those times because of porn somehow, is that why its always from behind and never facing me etc?

finbarrk

it sounds like he is too selfish. He should make more of an effort to please you. The worrying thing for you is that he will probably get worse as the years move on.

LegacyUser

You said 'He knows what I like, and Id say about 3 times in our 2 1/2 years he has given me an orgasm, but not any more'


Hmm, I'm with my partner 2 years and she has only failed to orgasm once. We make love about 4 times a week. Sometimes I have to really hold off before she orgasms but it's worth it as right after she is done, I can finish. There's no macho bravado male stuff now as my previous partner had one orgasm in 4 years with me. It's down to how the couple match together really.

Not trying though is very selfish. I mean the girl I was with for 4 years, she only climaxed once & when she did it felt like we hit the jackpot. Then next time we tried it was back to normal. We tried everything and came to the conclusion it was sheer pot luck, but it was never a problem. We parted for reasons totally unrelated to this. We both loved each other but had to split up. Sex was not the most important thing between us.

I think he needs to make an effort. You do it for him.

Also, as a red blooded male, I've looked at lots of porn & the reason I do is to see 2 particular female porn stars I fantasise about sexually. I don't watch with my partner as we did once and she didn't really like it, she prefers romance to porn & that's understandable. Some of the stuff we watched was oral sex, different positions and the people in the scenes were not exactly loving to each other so it put her off :-) The female porn stars I watch, yeah I'd love to have sex with them, but no way would I pick them over my partner.

I would not worry hugely about the porn. But he needs to make an effort to satisfy you. Don't let it become the be all & end all though, just enjoy!

gargleblaster

15 minutes is not a while. That's average for women.

He is acting very selfishly. Inability to climax from penetration is quite common, so don't worry about that. I seriously do not understand how you've put up with his leaving you high and dry after he puts in such little effort for so long.

Have you asked him why he is only interested in one position? I don't even want to say what I'm thinking tbh. His refusal to do any other position besides from behind, combined with his refusal to watch porn with you? Doesn't sound good at all.

Good luck OP. It sounds like you've tried about everything you can. Have you suggested a counselor? Because at this point, he's getting everything he wants (porn when he wants, sex with you when he wants), and you're left to scramble for whatever crumbs of intimacy he deigns to grace you with.

If I were you I'd insist on him satisfying me orally before he even thought about getting his. Sexuality is not a one way street (unless either party wants it to be), and this will most likely go from being quite irritating to making you resent him.

strandroad

OP I'll just reiterate what others said before me - porn is not the issue here. You have a lot of other problems, the main one being that you are expected to satisfy him on call getting very little in return. His time, his way, his position even, and your own needs are ignored or denied. This is the part you should focus on really.

I think it's completely normal for men to look at porn even when they have GFs. Mostly because porn is more about curiosity than anything. My BF watches porn regularly and it doesn't bother me. The way I see it, I have my movie stars and musicians that I fawn over, and he has his pornography to enjoy.
Also, as the first responder said, it can be quite interesting to watch together. It may help you express sexual preferences indirectly, as we all know these things can be awkward to discuss, even among long-standing couples.

swan19

inrelinrel wrote: »

Need some perspective good people of boards.
Is it common or normal for guys to still watch and get off to porn while they are living with their girlfriends?
My boyfriend has admitted to me that he has, not every day, but maybe every couple of days.

We have a good sex life, I never ever turn him down for sex when he is in the mood in fact its me that gets turned down if either of us ever do.
It wouldnt happen often but sometimes Im in the mood and he's too tired, or not in the right mind-frame, or not feeling "sexy" enough and I just have to go without.
Also, every time we have sex he has an orgasm and I never do, so its not like he's in any way sex starved or in need of sexual gratification from elsewhere.
I dont look at porn and I have FAR less orgasms then he has in the relationship.

So before I jump to any conclusions about this I would like to get some opinions, both from men and women, about whether this is a reflection of our relationship being unsatisfying to him, or whether this is just completely normal for all guys in relationships with people they live with?

Thanks for any feedback.

I wouldn't be worried about the porn at all...I would be more worried that he doesn't make you orgasm..that's the bigger issue..well it would be to me. A man who doesn't care about making his partner orgasm is simply a man...that doesn't care!

minidazzler

inrelinrel wrote: »

Hi Katgurl, and thanks.
Its more that he gets awkward then him being purposely mean about it I think...
It takes a while for me to climax, like maybe 15 mins?
And I think he just gets frustrated and bored...
Its almost impossible for me to have an orgasm during sex, unless he touches me at the same time (sorry for all the gory details )
When we have sex there is not much foreplay, and then he is usually finished within ten mintutes.
He's not completely unfeeling or anything, like he does cuddle me and kiss me, but most times its just *get naked, he's having sex with me, he comes, end*
And a bit afterwards, or sometimes the next morning, im left feeling quite sexually frustrated and its embarrassing.
I have asked him to do things differently, like being on top sometimes rather then just behind me when we do it, but sometimes even suggesting something like that puts him off and he gets awkward and he's unable to do it and then he gets mad.

I usually have to wait for him to make the move.
If I try to initiate sex by touching and kissing, it usually works against me because he gets awkward and feels "under pressure" as he puts it.
Even if I say something like "Aw I hoped you wouldnt just go straight to sleep, I'm kinda in the mood..." again it just works against me, or he'll just say, ok well I'm tired, without even trying.
So basically, we only really ever have sex when he is in the mood, and that can be quite irritating.
I NEVER turn him down, even if I'm not in the mood initially I let myself ease into it. We have sex when he's in the mood and thats it.

Sorry, this is probably going completely off topic!!

But yeah, I guess this is why the porn issue bothered me a little and made me wonder, like does he not want to have sex with me those times because of porn somehow, is that why its always from behind and never facing me etc?

Normally I wouldn't give this advice, but I am dead serious...Break up with him. He doesn't care about or is not aware of you sexually. You are glorified masturbation to him.

15 minutes is a really short time in my opinion, does he even go down town?

He only cares about himself, if it takes him 10 minutes then I think he should be spending at least 4 times that on other stuff. It's embarrassing to think there are guys out there who don't care about their girl reaching orgasm.

Get naked, get hard, get sex, get out. Does that sound like anything other than a fcuk buddy to anyone? Either party being left sexually frustrated more than rarely is just plain old weird to me. It's kinda sad that he's not trying. He may seem caring while cuddling, but I would consider him to be extremely uncaring.

He will only do you from behind? That is the part I think makes it seem like you are essentially glorified masturbation for him. If he will do nothing other than doggy style then he is an as$hole who A) Doesn't care about your orgasm and doesn't respond to your needs.

He doesn't care about you, simple as. Being sexually compatible is a HUGE part of any relationship. I would consider it one of the most important things because if you are not sexually compatible with someone you should just be friends with them or nothing.

Seriously, break up with him, he does not care about you, he doesn't treat you like you deserve, and you are not compatible with him sexually. For your sexual and mental health, ditch him.

Neyite

mhge wrote: »

OP I'll just reiterate what others said before me - porn is not the issue here. You have a lot of other problems, the main one being that you are expected to satisfy him on call getting very little in return. His time, his way, his position even, and your own needs are ignored or denied. This is the part you should focus on really.

minidazzler wrote: »

Normally I wouldn't give this advice, but I am dead serious...Break up with him. He doesn't care about or is not aware of you sexually. You are glorified masturbation to him.

He will only do you from behind? That is the part I think makes it seem like you are essentially glorified masturbation for him. If he will do nothing other than doggy style then he is an as$hole who A) Doesn't care about your orgasm and doesn't respond to your needs.

He doesn't care about you, simple as. Being sexually compatible is a HUGE part of any relationship. I would consider it one of the most important things because if you are not sexually compatible with someone you should just be friends with them or nothing.

Seriously, break up with him, he does not care about you, he doesn't treat you like you deserve, and you are not compatible with him sexually. For your sexual and mental health, ditch him.

I would have to agree. The red flag for me is that it seems to 'put him off his game' when you try to suggest something other than doggy-style. Are you allowed to say anything/move at all while he is having sex. (because its him having sex. Not the two of you)

And then he gets MAD??? Thats issues right there. Its ok for him to get frustrated and mad when he is not achieving orgasm, but not for you? I dont know whether its laziness or some sort of dysfunction, but either way, its all about him.

He is treating you like little more than an orifice. I agree with Minidazzler. You can do way better. Get him a fleshlight as a parting gift.

gargleblaster

I disagree that immediate dumping is required. He is behaving very selfishly but there is a chance that the reason for it might be down to other things besides selfishness. He might have some deep seated issues about sex. I'd give him a chance to work on things but he needs to he able to relax, open up and communicate. Maybe he might see a counselor on his own.

LegacyUser

Thanks everybody.
I told myself I wouldnt even read any more replies on this thread because lately the issue is making me feel nauseous and stressed out
I feel tense and insecure and worried a lot of the time, like I'm clinging on to someone that I am really in love with, but to him I am just one of the things in his life...
To me he is number one.
To him I feel like I'm just there.

I think I need counselling.
Im insecure all the time and worrying endlessly lately about my looks, my age, my body, my worth...
And its all based on this relationship. I feel like I come second to him and I could lose him to someone else at any time. Its stressful.

I know this is more of an all-rounder reply then just the porn issue, but thanks to everyone for the responses and I think Ill get myself some therapy to get over my insecurities.

easychair

inrelinrel wrote: »

Thanks everybody.
I told myself I wouldnt even read any more replies on this thread because lately the issue is making me feel nauseous and stressed out
I feel tense and insecure and worried a lot of the time, like I'm clinging on to someone that I am really in love with, but to him I am just one of the things in his life...
To me he is number one.
To him I feel like I'm just there.

I think I need counselling.
Im insecure all the time and worrying endlessly lately about my looks, my age, my body, my worth...
And its all based on this relationship. I feel like I come second to him and I could lose him to someone else at any time. Its stressful.

I know this is more of an all-rounder reply then just the porn issue, but thanks to everyone for the responses and I think Ill get myself some therapy to get over my insecurities.

Have you discussed this with him? that you feel like he is number 1, but you don't feel like you are his number 1? No amount of counselling can help where there is poor communication, and it seems to me that it's important you find out what he thinks about you, about your desires and whether he wants a relationship full of joy and love, or something else.

Once you have discussed this with him, then you can make up your mind how you want to proceed. If he refuses to discuss, then you will have to make up your mind how you want to proceed bearing that in mind.

It is very much more common than you think and is most often not a reflection on you or your relationship. I have worked with quite a lot of people through this kind of thing and there is never one solution but many. Which one to choose depends entirely on the people in question.

The first thing for you to do is to divest yourself of the idea that there is anything wrong with you in this. A guy could have the best and most satisfying lover in the world… or even 10 of them… and still want to look at the occasional porno.

Having divested yourself of this the next thing for you to do is decide how you feel about him looking at porn. Is it ok with you. Is it something that bothers you but you can compromise on – as many things are in a relationship. Or is it a deal breaker for you. How to proceed from there on is entirely dependent on your answer to this.

If you are ok with it then you have no problem. Move on and always remember what I said about it not being a reflection on you or some deficiency in you. If it bothers you but you are willing to compromise then pretty much the same replies but some of the solutions in the next paragraphs might also interest you.

If it bothers you or is a deal breaker for you then conversation is key here. You need to let him know exactly how you feel and not get either of you angry when doing so. Inform him the conversation is important to you but that it will stop and be deferred to a later time each and every time anger starts to creep in, so let us both try and remain calm.

Things to talk about and understand are why he watches it. What he gets from it. Does he really need it. Are there compromises that can be reached. What are the options he is willing to consider on how to proceed. Are there other ways to give him what he wants from porn. So on. What guys “get” from porn varies wildly and some of the reasons often surprise their partner. A common one I have heard is for example that the guy is horny, wants “release” but he is too tired for the physical demands of actual sex with a person. The same justification I guess many people give for eating McDonalds rather than cooking a meal they would really enjoy more – when eating McDonalds is in and of itself a barely justifiable choice. Contrary to intuition it is very possible to be “not in the mood” and very horny at the same time.

If it is a deal breaker for you and no compromise can be found then you have your answer. The relationship is not going to work for you.

There are many compromises that can be reached and I have brought many couples to them. What the guy gets from porn can be got in other ways for example. Some couples end up watching the porn together only and sharing the experience. In a couple of cases I have had couples agree to make their own porn together and this was the porn he watched when alone and wanted to see porn… and she was happy with this because it rid her of the feelings of being essentially “cheated on” that many women have regarding porn.

At the end of the day however communication without anger is always the main key and a full understanding of both parties as to what the other wants and why – what the other feels and why – before talking about where to go from there – was always paramount.

All that said I think at some point soon in your relationship it would be worth forgetting entirely about the porno and have a conversation together about the fact you are frequently left unsatisfied with your sexual experience. There are a multitude of ways to improve this situation and it is an entirely separate issue I urge you to address and explore in isolation from the subject of this thread.

carlybabe1

inrelinrel wrote: »

I do indeed masturbate regularly, if I didn't Id go insane
I have talked to him many times about perhaps getting me off too playing a part in our sexual encounters, and always agrees at the time, but then when we are in the situation he just doesn't make the effort.
He knows what I like, and Id say about 3 times in our 2 1/2 years he has given me an orgasm, but not any more.
Even those times he would get kind of frustrated and awkward and huff and things, and say he didnt think he was doing it right when he really was, so id reassure him.
I think he just avoids it because it seems like hassle.

Anyway thanks for your advice

:eek::eek:

inrelinrel wrote: »

Thanks Bluewolf, it does leave me very frustrated sometimes, and then when I have to get myself off when I'm either still in his company, or still in the same house, it feels a little embarrassing and weird, like I'm left to sort myself out, if you know what I mean.

Perhaps Ill talk to him about it again.

Hi Katgurl, and thanks.
Its more that he gets awkward then him being purposely mean about it I think...
It takes a while for me to climax, like maybe 15 mins?
And I think he just gets frustrated and bored...
Its almost impossible for me to have an orgasm during sex, unless he touches me at the same time (sorry for all the gory details )
When we have sex there is not much foreplay, and then he is usually finished within ten mintutes.
He's not completely unfeeling or anything, like he does cuddle me and kiss me, but most times its just *get naked, he's having sex with me, he comes, end*
And a bit afterwards, or sometimes the next morning, im left feeling quite sexually frustrated and its embarrassing.
I have asked him to do things differently, like being on top sometimes rather then just behind me when we do it, but sometimes even suggesting something like that puts him off and he gets awkward and he's unable to do it and then he gets mad.

I usually have to wait for him to make the move.
If I try to initiate sex by touching and kissing, it usually works against me because he gets awkward and feels "under pressure" as he puts it.
Even if I say something like "Aw I hoped you wouldnt just go straight to sleep, I'm kinda in the mood..." again it just works against me, or he'll just say, ok well I'm tired, without even trying.
So basically, we only really ever have sex when he is in the mood, and that can be quite irritating.
I NEVER turn him down, even if I'm not in the mood initially I let myself ease into it. We have sex when he's in the mood and thats it.

Sorry, this is probably going completely off topic!!

But yeah, I guess this is why the porn issue bothered me a little and made me wonder, like does he not want to have sex with me those times because of porn somehow, is that why its always from behind and never facing me etc?

[/QUOTE]

Oh god OP! I was trying to highlight the bits of your post that came across as selfish on your OH's part, and it ended up being ALL of your post. I really think there are some huge issues here, but the thing I really want to get you to think about is the damage its doing to your confidence. I know if it was me, my confidence would be on the floor, (now maybe thats just me, but imo, I would start to feel like a .....vessel...is the only thing i can think of)

You really need to sit down and
A) have a serious conversation about your sex life, something is clearly wrong, you are left feeling frustated, and its all about his needs. Your his partner, not his blow-up doll, and your needs should be catered to as much as his.*
I have this nagging little alarm in the back of my head, have you ever seen/observed wat type of porn he likes to watch??? He could be into 'alternative' stuff but doesnt think you'd be interested/be disgusted/feels shame about it. I really think you should investigate, but dont feel pressured if it is something that just doesnt flick the switch for you.




* to be honest, the fact that you have to 'chat' about your needs being met is a serious alarm bell ringer for me, I may be wrong (opinions lads) but i know when Im gettin it on with the OH, at least 40% of the enjoyment comes from knowing Im eh....makin him happy, if ye get me , and I know its the same for him. Id rather go with-out than do a half-arsed job, and if he wasnt interested in ringing my bells anymore, Id want to know why.

I think his attitude could seriously demoralise and damage your confidence, in the bedroom and out.

Think about if you were with a different man in a bedroom scenario, do you think you'd be confident to go all out (as confident as you used to be) or would you be nervous and self concious, and worrying about your attractiveness and ehh 'allure'


sorry bout the essay

baby and crumble

inrelinrel wrote: »

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It takes a while for me to climax, like maybe 15 mins?
And I think he just gets frustrated and bored..

Op, most of that last post from you sounds a lot like he has done intimacy issues, as cliche as that sounds... The constant doggie style sex is a bit of a red flag. Most women would find pleasure a bit more difficult because it doesnt nec hit the right spots...

But tbh the quote I took just confused me. How on earth could anyone get bored of making love to their partner after lik, 5 or 10 minutes???!!??

Edit: sorry i hit reply not knowing there was more after the 1st page, sorry