irreparable damage done

willmunny1990

I posted a thread in After Hours a while ago about "porn in a relationship".It was basically about how i watched porn while in a relationship with my girlfriend and how when she found out she went hysterical and violent e.g throwing my laptop against the wall.

Well i continued to watch it and when she found out again things took a more sinister turn.I came home from work to find her waiting for me with her bags packed ready to end the relationship and leave for good,well that was all well and good but to get her revenge on me for looking at porn she got rid of my dog without telling me..i hit the roof.

I stopped her from leaveing in order to make her tell me what shed done with my dog,her reply was simply "thats what you get for acting the **** and looking at slags on the internet while with me".I got so angry i punched her in the face and screamed "if you dont tell me where you put my dog il kill you"In clear distress she told me she had given it to the local dog pound,when i found out this i left to get him back,after id got him back and calmed down it dawned on me what id done.

I went back to our house to find out she was gone,im now living in dread of the guards arriving at my door to arrest me,im wondering if i should go down to our local police station and own up straight way.Im also concerned about being tagged a woman beater,i know she wont let this go and is only a matter of time before she contacts the police or does something.What should i do?

Neyite

Well, it sounds like you played right into her hands by punching her. It gave her the upper hand - whatever she did to you, your property and your dog, you physically assualted her, and she can do what she wants with that information, whether tell everyone you both know about it, or reporting you to the gardai.

How long ago did this happen? To be honest, I find hitting anyone abhorrent, but I do have limited sympathy for her on this. It sounds like you are both volatile and are better off apart.

Can you talk to a solicitor about this, they might be able to give you better advice.

Darkginger

I know it's hard, but I'd go to the guards myself if I were you, and speak to a solicitor first, before she makes a complaint. I never thought I'd say this, but I can totally understand why you lashed out (I was in an abusive relationship years ago). That's not to say it was the right thing to do - but if anyone 'removed' one of my dogs in that way I couldn't be held responsible for my actions.

I'm not saying you were right to hit her - you weren't, you were wrong - but the courts do take notice of provocation, and it sounds like you were extremely provoked. You know you were in the wrong, as was she. The right thing to do, I think, is to admit what you did, as soon as you can - and if it comes to court, make sure your side of the story is fully explained.

evry1sm8

Bloody hell she sounds like she is still totally off the rails.
This relationship was bound to end sooner or later.

How did she find out that you were still looking at it?

willmunny1990

evry1sm8 wrote: »

Bloody hell she sounds like she is still totally off the rails.
This relationship was bound to end sooner or later.

How did she find out that you were still looking at it?

i new the relationship was finished so i never tried to hide the fact i was looking at it,your right it was bound to end but i never expected this outcome,i should of walked away earlier it would of avoided all this.

MitchKoobski

Speak to a solicitor before you speak to the guards.

SlimCi

I'm sorry but can nobody see here that punching a woman in the face is WRONG. I think you should totally be reported to the guards for assault because that is what it is. Doesn't matter what she said or did, you have no right to hit her. You even know yourself what you did was wrong and are therefore scared the police will be called. Truly disgusting behaviour.

willmunny1990

SlimCi wrote: »

I'm sorry but can nobody see here that punching a woman in the face is WRONG. I think you should totally be reported to the guards for assault because that is what it is. Doesn't matter what she said or did, you have no right to hit her. You even know yourself what you did was wrong and are therefore scared the police will be called. Truly disgusting behaviour.

Im aware what i did was wrong and it is out of character for me to do something like this but the situation got the better of me.This girl got rid of a dog id had for 12 years its a serious thing,she broke my laptop off a wall and never payed for it to be repaired or replaced.

getting rid of the dog was to far,id challenge you to keep your cool in that situation

MitchKoobski

SlimCi wrote: »

I'm sorry but can nobody see here that punching a woman in the face is WRONG. I think you should totally be reported to the guards for assault because that is what it is. Doesn't matter what she said or did, you have no right to hit her. You even know yourself what you did was wrong and are therefore scared the police will be called. Truly disgusting behaviour.

Doesn't matter if its a man or a woman when it comes to punching someone. He had no right to hit her, theres no such thing as a right to hit someone anyway. But it does matter what she said and did. Its called provocation.

He's not defending his behaviour and he knows it was wrong. He's asking should he go to the police himself or wait.

She took his dog and gave it away because he looked at porn, and refused to tell him where the dog was. If he just walked in the door and punched her it would be pure assault in every sense of the word. But thats not what happened. She was spiteful and gave the dog away without telling him in an attempt to annoy and frustrate him, she provoked him.

Lollipops23

SlimCi wrote: »

I'm sorry but can nobody see here that punching a woman in the face is WRONG. I think you should totally be reported to the guards for assault because that is what it is. Doesn't matter what she said or did, you have no right to hit her. You even know yourself what you did was wrong and are therefore scared the police will be called. Truly disgusting behaviour.

You're right, it's an awful thing and no one should forget it. But there is such a thing as provocation. If she had been threatening the safety of his child would you be so insistent? Well a lot of people feel the same about their pets.

OP i'm not saying it was ok, just understanable. But you played straight into her hands, she's an evil cow.

SlimCi

Listen I too own a dog whom I love dearly. To me thats not the issue though, its not being able to control the temper. If you committed murder in that act I don't think they would let you off due to provocation. I think if you had approached the situation differently it wouldn't have escalated to where it did. Also I cannot figure out why you stayed there and provoked her by watching porn a second time. Would that be considered provocation?

Neyite

SlimCi wrote: »

I'm sorry but can nobody see here that punching a woman in the face is WRONG.

Nobody here has said punching her in the face is RIGHT.

There is theft(or kidnapping?), destruction of property and assault in this story. She's she is responsible for two out of the three crimes commited here. Hardly a paragon of virtue.

Women who think they can behave badly and provoke someone to breaking point, yet hide behind her gender when they take it too far are in my opinion way out of order.

MitchKoobski

SlimCi wrote: »

Listen I too own a dog whom I love dearly. To me thats not the issue though, its not being able to control the temper. If you committed murder in that act I don't think they would let you off due to provocation. I think if you had approached the situation differently it wouldn't have escalated to where it did. Also I cannot figure out why you stayed there and provoked her by watching porn a second time. Would that be considered provocation?

No, because thats something he did for himself. He didn't intend for her to know. She went looking for it and found it and went nuts.

To provoke someone is to do something with the intention of causing anger or resentment.

He watched porn.

willmunny1990

SlimCi wrote: »

Listen I too own a dog whom I love dearly. To me thats not the issue though, its not being able to control the temper. If you committed murder in that act I don't think they would let you off due to provocation. I think if you had approached the situation differently it wouldn't have escalated to where it did. Also I cannot figure out why you stayed there and provoked her by watching porn a second time. Would that be considered provocation?

if i had taken your dog while you were at work and refused to tell you where it was would you keep your temper with me?I dont think you can compare me watching porn to her taking my dog,hes my property and pet,thats stealing and its a heartless thing to do.

I am a friend

willmunny1990 wrote: »

if i had taken your dog while you were at work and refused to tell you where it was would you keep your temper with me?I dont think you can compare me watching porn to her taking my dog,hes my property and pet,thats stealing and its a heartless thing to do.

You will do anything to justify your thuggery.... Sad part here is that the 2 of ye were as bad as each other but now ye are both single and free to torture other innocent people.

Surely if she was going to go to theguards you would have heard by now. Hope you learned a lesson - mad women may be better in bed but they also push you to the point of boxing them in the face.

doyle61

@slimci; what would your reaction be if the op and his (ex) girlfriends roles were reversed??? You'ld be calling him an abuser and saying he deserved the box..........she provoked him and hid behind her gender.
@op; I remember your last thread re the one about getting caught watching porn and looks like everyone's advice was spot on: she actually is a syco, but Christ talk about playing into her hands. Ring your solicitor in the morning and see what he says. Don't worry about it too much as ild doubt the DPP would bring a case like this forward and if she brings a civil case forward the judge will see what she did to provoke the situation. Best of luck
Ps did you get her sh!t of a brother back???..........hope you did

King of Kings

willmunny1990 wrote: »

Im aware what i did was wrong and it is out of character for me to do something like this but the situation got the better of me.This girl got rid of a dog id had for 12 years its a serious thing,she broke my laptop off a wall and never payed for it to be repaired or replaced.

getting rid of the dog was to far,id challenge you to keep your cool in that situation

punching her wasn't the best thing in the world - but very few people can keep a rational head in an extreme situation which was what that was.
The dog was yorus for 12 years she had no right to do what she did. In fact of the evils committed hers was definitely the worst.

There are too many people who shout out that you should never hit a woman like it's a mantra but life isn't like that.
Once a woman tried to bury a stilletto in my face while i was working - I'm pretty glad I punched her and kept my good looks.

I won't worry about it to be honest - you were provoked in the extreme.
any court will see that - or you can always deny it happened.

you are well shot of that headwrecker.

Schnooks

Read my title OP.

What sort of woman is she? Smashing your laptop off the wall? Sending your dog to the pound? Because you looked at porn, not that you were unfaithful or anything (at least I assume you weren't)? She sounds like poison to me.

The whole "Scarlett O' Hara" drama-queen act with the bags in the hall and your (probably best) friend of 12 years in the pound sounds like a long overdue end to a TOXIC relationship to me. There must have been other serious problems apart from the porn incidents for it to come to this? Are you telling us everything?

What you did was wrong also. In saying that, I can understand exactly how far someone can be pushed with mental abuse, and your actions are understandable under extreme stress, though still wrong. But we have all been guilty of doing stupid things under stress and it sounds like she got the reaction she was looking for, so don't beat yourself up over it anymore.

As controversial as it sounds, some women get off on finally pushing their man to the point of losing control after years of mental abuse, and then claim all sorts of innocence in the face of a one-off loss of control like the OP had. I expect a rather large backlash for this opinion, but that's the way I see it.

Bottom line, she's not good for you, you are well shot, and make sure you tell yourself this every morning when you wake up without having to worry about her next outburst.

Concentrate on yourself, take long walks with your dog, re-connect with friends and family, she may not have liked some of them either. Enjoy your new life and be a bit wiser about who you get involved with next time.

I often wish I had followed this advice in my own past :rolleyes:

evry1sm8

I am a friend wrote: »

mad women may be better in bed

What a weird thing to write in this thread...
Completely out of nowhere and probably not even true

thefeatheredcat

Her reaction to the porn is extreme with her violence the first time round, but second time round getting rid of a pet is way over the top imo.

Anyone that I know with pets would react quite extreme faced with the prospect of something having happened to a pet, similar to that of a child, as someone already suggested.

tbh I would see it as a case of extreme over reaction on her part on the porn and an aggressive reaction on your part that was the equivalence of having someone taken action to pull the blood from under your nails as a "revenge" to you.

But I don't think she will stop there - I really do think you should seek legal advice on going to the Gardai and informing them of what happened for the simple reason with the possibility of going forward in life having her using the threat of going to the Gardai with photo evidence (if any was visible) and using that against you or to intimidate you in the future?

That would be my concern and chances are she won't have seen her actions as being extreme in order to be prosecuted in anyway, because it sounds fairly thought out to put a dog in a pound to get back at you (rather than a spontaneous act of hiding it in another room/next door neighbour to give a fright without too much of a seriousness to it) .

In the meantime, make sure you get your locks changed. If she's extreme enough to take your dog and put it in the pound to get back at you over watching porn (and previously having smashed your laptop and taking no responsibility for it) I definately wouldn't be giving her the opportunity to arrive at the dwelling to do anything further to the dog as a measure of her revenge and anger towards you.

Kadongy

Take your dog to the vet asap. There's a significant chance he will have picked up something nasty from the pound.

If you don't already have proof she put the dog in the pound, go to the pound and get proof of this.

Look for any proof you have that she smashed your laptop. Emails or anything else in writing by her.

Be aware that if she does report you, she is more than likely to accuse you of far worse things than you actually did.

Never trust the guards. If you do give a statement, politely insist that it's recorded. I would strongly suggest not giving a statement at all if they ask you for one before you give one of your own volition.

Cunning Stunt

What the last poster said. Have your evidence handy, because you are going to need it.

On a side note - a reverse situation - My brother was punched in the face by his then ex- gfriend and she nearly broke his nose. On reporting it to the guards they told him straight up that they would bring her in for a talk but that it would most likely lead nowehere because she would say he hit her first, which is what the guard described as 'the usual defence'. Women do seem to have the upper hand in such situiations.

Hitting her was wrong, but I hope you can at least prove what she did.

Taltos

OP - get legal advice asap.
Also would suggest that you remove or request this thread to be pulled down just in case it be used against you most particularly if you have forgotten something in the sequence of events.

Hope your dog is ok.

C-J

There is no justification for hitting anybody ever. Male female it doesn't matter. Seeing how much you hate the gardai from various trolling threads you've set up, I hope they throw the book at you

Danniboo

willmunny1990 wrote: »

Im aware what i did was wrong and it is out of character for me to do something like this but the situation got the better of me.This girl got rid of a dog id had for 12 years its a serious thing,she broke my laptop off a wall and never payed for it to be repaired or replaced.

getting rid of the dog was to far,id challenge you to keep your cool in that situation

So now breaking an inanimate object condones punching someone square in the face? Everyone would have been fuming at your situation OP but there's better ways of dealing with, like phoning the guards to get your dog back?

Ickle Magoo

This is not a platform for defending domestic violence.

OP, get yourself a solicitor and some anger management classes.

Thread closed.