New Relationship, Anxiety kicks in...

LegacyUser

Hi guys, bit of advice needed...

I'm a 28 male, I have started seeing this girl recently, she's amazing we get on incredibly and it feels like this is really the one but there something is eating at me.

A couple of years ago I started suffering from OCD in the form of obsessive thoughts which manifested in the form of fairly severe anxiety. It was triggered by a memory from years ago, something I did which was wrong as a young teenager, but something I didn't need to feel guilty about, I did and I obsessed about it. That then escalated into further obsessive thinking, stuff like what if was I gay when I knew I wasn't, amongst other things. I went to counselling and this really helped me deal and understand with it immensely. The whole period felt like a growing or awakening phase where I transitioned into an adult and became more aware of my feelings and responsibilities, not to hide or push away the negative ones but deal with them in the correct manner. I was in a long term relationship all during this time which ended last October.

Anyway I feel in a really good place now, but now seeing this new girl, given the connection we have, I already feel obligated to tell her about this period and even the details of what I obsessed about. I know it's completely personal and private and I have no obligation but it kind of eats at me and I start thinking I'm not being up front even though I am completely being myself with her at all time. I feel telling her will take a weight off but I think that is selfish on my part. I'm fully confident it wouldn't turn her away and I know it's nothing to be ashamed of but I want it to happen naturally instead of me just blurting it out to make myself feel better.

How do I let myself just enjoy the time with her and let this come out naturally instead of everytime I think of her I get the nervous feeling in my stomach because I start thinking about the past I have to reveal.

I know this sounds quite trivial but it feels like it will start affecting the relationship and this is something I really want to get right. Any advice welcome

Miss Fluff

anxious again wrote: »

How do I let myself just enjoy the time with her and let this come out naturally instead of everytime I think of her I get the nervous feeling in my stomach because I start thinking about the past I have to reveal. and this is something I really want to get right. Any advice welcome

Were there any techniques you acquired through therapy to curb obsessive thinking? If so perhaps maybe you could do with tapping into these again to help you shelve these thoughts?

Don't ruin this for yourself. You may choose to tell or not tell her. You don't need to share everything with a partner you know. Or if you do feel it's an integral part of what makes you you then tell her by all means but tell her organically when it feels right to do so. Easier said than done I know.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Were there any techniques you acquired through therapy to curb obsessive thinking? If so perhaps maybe you could do with tapping into these again to help you shelve these thoughts?

Don't ruin this for yourself. You may choose to tell or not tell her. You don't need to share everything with a partner you know. Or if you do feel it's an integral part of what makes you you then tell her by all means but tell her organically when it feels right to do so. Easier said than done I know.

Thanks Miss fluff, it's refreshing to hear a logical take on it, thanks The worst part is I know it myself but it lingers, yes I can use techniques which usually involve accepting the thoughts and they fade in their own time.

I think being myself means being upfront with people I care about, sharing stuff like this. I think I'll know when the time is right. Thanks again, it really helped.

Miss Fluff

You're more than welcome. I think you'll relax when you know now that you can tell her, and you'll know when the time is right. And it doesn't all have to be a in confession-box style purge where you have an evening of deep, dark secret sharing.

So while you may like to tell her for example that you have suffered from OCD in the past, you don't need to go into the minutae of what you obsessed about. It's not really relevant and it's ok to keep stuff for yourself.

Tell her when the time is right. Sounds like you're on to a good thing so I hope it works out for you. Let things happen at their own pace.