Needy guy?

LegacyUser

I'm trying to figure out the difference between a guy just being into you and being upfront about it, and him having some kind of neediness or insecurity issues?

I met a guy at a friend's leaving do recently and we have subsequently been out on two dates. He's a nice guy, we have a good bit in common and he seems genuine, a gentleman, etc. I don't really fancy him though and I don't want to get into anything if there is no spark so I'm being a little cautious but he is kind of getting ahead of himself at this early stage and I'm a bit worried since he is not long out of a long-term relationship and has been in relationships for most of his life.

After the first date I woke up next morning to a long email from him about how amazing the night had been, how gorgeous I am, etc. etc. and since then he has been emailing loads, asking when we are meeting again, telling me he needs a hug/cuddle/kiss, etc. and it's all a bit offputting. He also attempted the "are we exclusive?" discussion after one date and I said no because I did have another date that same week and also wanted to be upfront and maybe get him to back off a little bit. That seems to have only added to his insecurities though... Also, he has very little going on in his life since he moved to a new county for his job 6 months ago and he seems to be living for the next date while I had a job finding a free evening for it.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit put off by his eagerness and inability to read the signals (like emailing 6 times in a row when I've said I'm going to be busy all day in a meeting) and we are supposed to meet again on Sunday but I'm not sure I want to proceed, especially given that I don't fancy him while he is apparently hugely attracted to me.

So I'm thinking of pulling the plug, am I being to harsh? I think if I fancied I might be inclined to talk it through, even if we get past the neediness then there's still the fact that the attraction is one-sided.

Miss Fluff

OMG head wreck.

Seeing as you don't fancy him and find his intensity off-putting and slightly strange I wouldn't feel too bad about pulling the plug on it at all. Why would you continue dating him? Out of pity? He's totally OTT and needy and no decent relationship should start off on that kind of footing.

What I will from reading your post, is it is obvious that this man is tripping over himself to get into a relationship. With any girl. So don't be surprised if you find he has a new girlfriend next week. I'm not undermining anything he said to you at all, I'm sure you are gorgeous and that you had a great night together etc but all the signs are there that he wants a relationship immediately and I think it's literally a case of the next girl who agrees to it

Pull the plug, you don't owe him anything except maybe some honesty. Don't lead him on if you don't see it going anywhere.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

OMG head wreck.

Seeing as you don't fancy him and find his intensity off-putting and slightly strange I wouldn't feel too bad about pulling the plug on it at all. Why would you continue dating him? Out of pity? He's totally OTT and needy and no decent relationship should start off on that kind of footing.

What I will from reading your post, is it is obvious that this man is tripping over himself to get into a relationship. With any girl. So don't be surprised if you find he has a new girlfriend next week. I'm not undermining anything he said to you at all, I'm sure you are gorgeous and that you had a great night together etc but all the signs are there that he wants a relationship immediately and I think it's literally a case of the next girl who agrees to it

Pull the plug, you don't owe him anything except maybe some honesty. Don't lead him on if you don't see it going anywhere.

Thanks Miss Fluff for the advice. You're right, if there are aspects of he behavior which are already unsettling me at this early stage, then that combined with the lack of attraction is enough reason to call it off now.

And you're right, he is really eager to be back in a relationship so he will probably find someone else pretty quickly. While compliments are all well and good, when someone is that full on when they don't even know you it has the opposite effect and just makes him look a bit sad.

Neyite

Yeah, he is totally OTT and needy. 6 emails in one day....

*shudders*

Reminds me of a guy that I dated -waaay to intense, after the first date he told his mother all about me and she wanted to meet me for Sunday Dinner :eek:. I only went out on the first date to be polite, got manipulated into a second, and when I declined the third date I apparently 'broke his, and his mothers heart, and he would never trust another woman again' :rolleyes:.

RUN.

LegacyUser

You definitely dodged a bullet there Neyite! This guy had told his colleagues about me and he asked me if I'd told my friends about him. Like, what is there to tell after one date??

Thank you too for the input, just putting on my running shoes now : ))

Miss Fluff

Oh Jesus wept, I'd be putting the skates on over the running shoes!

Sephiroth_dude

isheneedy wrote: »

I'm trying to figure out the difference between a guy just being into you and being upfront about it, and him having some kind of neediness or insecurity issues?

I met a guy at a friend's leaving do recently and we have subsequently been out on two dates. He's a nice guy, we have a good bit in common and he seems genuine, a gentleman, etc. I don't really fancy him though and I don't want to get into anything if there is no spark so I'm being a little cautious but he is kind of getting ahead of himself at this early stage and I'm a bit worried since he is not long out of a long-term relationship and has been in relationships for most of his life.

After the first date I woke up next morning to a long email from him about how amazing the night had been, how gorgeous I am, etc. etc. and since then he has been emailing loads, asking when we are meeting again, telling me he needs a hug/cuddle/kiss, etc. and it's all a bit offputting. He also attempted the "are we exclusive?" discussion after one date and I said no because I did have another date that same week and also wanted to be upfront and maybe get him to back off a little bit. That seems to have only added to his insecurities though... Also, he has very little going on in his life since he moved to a new county for his job 6 months ago and he seems to be living for the next date while I had a job finding a free evening for it.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit put off by his eagerness and inability to read the signals (like emailing 6 times in a row when I've said I'm going to be busy all day in a meeting) and we are supposed to meet again on Sunday but I'm not sure I want to proceed, especially given that I don't fancy him while he is apparently hugely attracted to me.

So I'm thinking of pulling the plug, am I being to harsh? I think if I fancied I might be inclined to talk it through, even if we get past the neediness then there's still the fact that the attraction is one-sided.

No your not being harsh,if your not feeling it your not feeling it,just be up front with the guy and tell him the truth,tbh if a girl was behaving like he is with you that would put me off as well.