possible eating disorder

LegacyUser

Hey all,

Just looking for some advice on whether this is normal behaviour or not. I'm living at home for the summer after finishing my degree. The adjustment has been a big one. I've been applying for lots of jobs and finally got an interview this week. During the summer I've been getting fitter - usually out running or gymming 5/6 times a week. Started out dieting but I feel like I slipped off the wagon. I began running up to 10km at a time and therefore thought it was ok to relax a bit foodwise - I don't mean eating a big pizza, just a bowl of cereal or picking at fruit and bread etc.

Anyways, while not a regular occurance, I find myself sometimes trying to make myself sick to "fix" things. I feel guilty for overeating when I should be watching my weight and try to balance it out. Did it again this morning after I mindlessly ate lots of cereal...my tummy feels bad now and I know I'll spend the day trying to "fix" things again. I find once I get sick my stomach doesn't recover for the whole day, making it difficult to have normal meals.

Anyone got any advice on whether this is normal behaviour or not? I mean if it was constant I'd be worried. I feel stupid for allowing it to happen in the first place.

thanks

You can see that forcefully inducing vomiting is neither a smart thing, nor a healthy thing, which is an important first start. From here you should perhaps see about getting some sort of professional care. It's best to try and get this before it becomes a problem that could potentially overwhelm you.

beks101

It's the starting point for bulimia and a notoriously difficult ED to recover from (not that any of them are easily overcome). What I mean is the behaviour becomes compulsive and obsessive and without treatment it controls all aspects of your life.

I'd also be careful that the exercise doesn't become a means to 'fix' the guilt either, another symptom of the illness and another dangerous behaviour that's very hard to stop. Definitely take a trip to your GP and get a referral to a psychologist/psychotherapist. Best of luck

LegacyUser

beks101 wrote: »

It's the starting point for bulimia and a notoriously difficult ED to recover from (not that any of them are easily overcome). What I mean is the behaviour becomes compulsive and obsessive and without treatment it controls all aspects of your life.

I'd also be careful that the exercise doesn't become a means to 'fix' the guilt either, another symptom of the illness and another dangerous behaviour that's very hard to stop. Definitely take a trip to your GP and get a referral to a psychologist/psychotherapist. Best of luck

Thanks for the advice. I've been to professionals before for a number of issues. I would say I'm pretty self aware but I have terrible trouble with controlling behaviours. I think about food and exercise far too much and am very conscious of my weight and appearance. The fact that I am aware of this behaviour not being makes me feel stupid for continuing to do it. But I often look at my body and feel revulsion. I would be engulfed with guilt if I just ate as I wanted for a few days and stopped the exercise regime that I "need" to do.

LegacyUser

OP, the fact that you've posted this means you already know that it's not 'normal'. I could have written your post 2 years ago.

It's very easy to get into exercise and watching your eating and have it slip into a more obsessive behaviour. The guilt can be overwhelming when you 'slip up'.

I can't tell you how easy it is to let throwing up become a regular occurrence. What started as an occasional episode for me, turned into a daily (up to 3 times daily) occurrence within a couple of months. When I was at your stage I could have sworn it would never become a regular thing, that I'd never adjust to that sicky feeling all day.

I eventually saw sense and got some counselling. 2 years on and I still slip up very occasionally. And I have NO doubt that I'm one of the lucky ones. I still have an unhealthy obsession with exercise and food, but I do my best.

Please get some help now or have a serious think about what you're doing. I wish I could have slapped some sense into myself back then. You sound SO like me, right down to the fact that your binge foods are actually healthy foods.

Also, while I dislike scare tactics...if you think of nothing else, think of your poor teeth. Despite the many behaviours I adopted to try and protect my teeth when I vomited, my once perfect teeth are awful now - and I wasn't even at it long term.

Take care of yourself OP.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

I would strongly advise seeking professional help asap. It's clear that you're aware that this could get out of hand quickly - it's already escalated slightly in such a short period of time. While it may seem manageable to a certain extent for now, that won't last for long. I struggled with bulimia for years and it took over my life. It was a miserable existence and while I too consider myself to be quite self-aware, I've never fully let go of my controlling behaviours and still slip back occasionally. It becomes addictive very quickly.
This is a road I'd advise against going down. You have the opportunity to intervene now and seek out some professional help before it spirals out of control.
I wish you the best of luck OP.