Uncomfortable with being gay and everything that accompanies it.

LegacyUser

I'm 18 and came out as lesbian 2 years ago to my parents and they took it very badly (therapy, not letting me out of the house, taking computer/phone) and as time has gone on, though they are less outwardly hostile, they are still really, really unhappy about me being gay. They think the whole lifestyle is seedy and horrible and I will never have any sort of life, but we don't talk about it as far as I can avoid it because I find it really upsetting to hear that from them. I feel so much guilt and so disappointed in them and myself.

The thing is though, I mostly agree with them. I really don't like being gay and I feel like I'll never be happy. All the gay people I know seem to be complete no hopers. I don't even like other gay girls, I only like straight ones and if I find out they have previous experience with girls it just sits completely wrong with me. I do have a girlfriend at the moment who I really really like but I'm finding the whole situation so scary. I want to be totally at ease and happy with her but so many things just send me into a total panic. I can't even talk about issues surrounding being gay or my coming out with her because it freaks me out so much. I can't say the word lesbian anymore. I never used to be this bad but now I just trust no-one and have no faith that anyone will ever treat me properly if they know I'm gay. I away think people are up to something. I'm so sick of being this anxious and I want to be happy with my girlfriend without being so scared by the fact that she is a girl and I'm going out with her! I feel so stupid for being this way. Has anyone else ever felt like this? Does it go away?

BattleCorp

Of course most people will treat you properly if they know you are gay. You'll get the few ars*holes who will be a bit biggoted but you get them in all walks of life, wether you are gay, straight, black or whatever. You just have to learn how to deal with them.

Some families take a long time to come around, but mostly they do come around. You are still their daughter remember, not some sort of shameful disappointment as you seem to think you are.

Why are you ashamed to be gay. You are hardly unique and it's not a crime to be attracted to your own sex. You don't find men attractive, so what. If the person you are attracted to is a girl, so be it. Don't put yourself down because of this.

You are only 18. Life is only starting to open up for you. It's natural to be anxious or scared as you pass from a teenager to an adult. The fact that you are gay throws an extra spanner into the mix but it's not something that should hold you back from happiness.

Accept you for who you are. If you can do that, nearly everything else will fall into place.

Sonics2k

There is no "lifestyle" set with being gay.

My own mother is gay, and is exactly like any straight person you care to choose out on the street. Just be who you are, and don't worry about any supposed lifestyle you have to follow.

On the relationship side. Well going by your age I'm going to guess this is your first big relationship, and it's more than alright to be scared, and you definitely do not have to worry about liking other gay people you know now, because the odds are you won't know them when you are older.

I do wish I could give advice on coming to terms with it all, but that's a point of view I can't offer. I grew up in the Gay community, and honestly it's the same as any other at the core of it. The only difference between being straight or gay is your physical and emotional attraction to people. Just remember that.

WonderWoman!

I suggest you embrace it and stop worrying about the minority of shallow pr!cks out there enjoy your relationship have fun , don't be ashamed as there's really nothing to be ashamed of- parents may be shocked but that's it , they'll still love you the same as the day you were born .
Don't be getting stressed out over things that aren't important babes you'll make yourself ill

waterglass305

I have gone through what you have (still am to be honest).
I hated the thought of being gay I just had this nagging feeling that being gay was wrong, like something that was attached to me (a parasite maybe), but not truly me.

It's hard, you can't just accept yourself and I'm sorry to everyone else who are giving you advice but you need more than the "just accept it" and the "it's natural" speech.
You and I have a problem with being gay and it'll take a lot more than a five minute pep speech (*cough* lecture) to get over it.

I spent years ignoring my sexuality but I was lonely, I wanted to date and I wanted family (eventually) I had to deal with the fact that I could never date a girl. I could only ever be into guys.
So I took the plunge; I came out to my parents (not only are they ok with it but they knew for years, they just let me figure it out for myself I'm blessed to have them ), joined the lgbt at college and went out clubbing with them.

And I still have doubts, I still fear peoples reactions and I still don't like being gay.
But when I first kissed a guy it felt oh God yes whereas when I kissed a girl I was "meh" and flirting with a guy feels right.

All I can say is I'm still working through these issues and I have no one to talk to (it's too uncomfortable for me to talk to my parents) but it does get better I guess.

I hope this helps, I wish you the best. You're not the only one who hates being gay and I wish you the best

Annasopra

I suggest you contact the National LGBT helpline and your parents contact the parents support group

http://lgbt.ie/

http://www.lovingouroutkids.org/contact.html