Was he saying he didnt want anything to happen

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

well a guy that I really like and I met up on a night out, our history before was that I really liked him but he only wanted a friends with bene relationship, but when Id end it, he'd keep returning ect.

well the last night we met up randomly, he text me when myself and my friends were leaving and said how good I had looked and so on. he was sober by the way

he then suggested I come over, I hadnt a chance to reply, but by the end of it he said it was too late and leave it.
he text today and we were chatting, he appologised for not replying after I had asked why he was backing out of me coming over. saying he fell asleep, he then said, was probably better that way too.

that stung as all I can read from it, is its better nothing happened.

looking for perspective on it, I guess I have to accept he's just relieved it didnt as he thought Id have asked if we could try make things work. kind of hurts now. but I accept it

I am a friend

He was treating you like a booty call. He either got someone else to call over instead or did fall asleep but he certainly wasn't asking you over, by text, after a night out to sit down and talk about the relationship...

Move on unless you are happy to be used for only one thing

Miss Fluff

hurtIguess wrote: »

well a guy that I really like and I met up on a night out, our history before was that I really liked him but he only wanted a friends with bene relationship, but when Id end it, he'd keep returning ect.

And I'm afraid this probably gave you false hope. This guy was quite explicit (and honest) from the start as to what kind of relationship he wanted with you, one based purely on sex. You obviously kept sleeping with him in the hope it would turn into something more when he sees you as nothing more than a booty call.

I also think he's right in saying that it IS better you didn't end up going around there recently as he knows you're into him when all he was looking for was a ride (I don't believe he fell asleep, I'd say someone else took him up on the offer).

I'm afraid the complimenting you and telling you look nice is just all part of the territory for him. He needs to give you enough just to keep you dangling and interested.

I think a fcuk buddy can be a really handy and fun thing to tap into when an itch needs to be scratched. But it only works well when BOTH PARTIES have no romantic interest in the other. You've clearly fallen for this guy and he clearly wants nothing more than sex so you need to put a stop to this. Giving this guy sex and having him pick you and drop you as it suits him is very damaging for your self-esteem. It will also stop you from meeting someone who could love you back.

Sever contact hon and don't see him anymore, it's for the best.

seenitall

If by "anything" you mean "a relationship", "a commitment" or anything other than sex for its own sake, then yes, that's what he was saying.

And it is better for you "nothing" happened that night, as you well know.

Move on, and all the best with that!

LegacyUser

OP, here ,

Thanks guys, I text last night ending any form of friendship or whatever you want to call it completely. Said I would not be replying to any form of contact, that this has to end, it can be on a friendly basis or not. But we both want different things and therefore it just cant work.

I got back the usual, love talking to you, but as a friend, its never going to change.
Which I wasnt asking of him anyway. I merely want a clean break now, away from him, so Ive deleted the number and Ive a big occasion party today, got a new dress and all, so Im making a fresh start and starting anew.

Its hard to explain but this guy has ran me around in circles so much for nearly two years now that Im wrecked. I hope someday I'll find the guy who will literarly just be happy with be with me without all these silly games. Thanks for all your advice!!!!

Miss Fluff

Good girl, you've made the right move. I had a man like this in my life a few years and he was SOO toxic. You probably will hear from him again, this type of egomaniac is just your typical attention whore - they feel the need to confirm to themselves they can still have you. Heck, the bloke I'm referring to even texted me as recently as a few months before his new partner gave birth to a little boy....yes, seriously :rolleyes: What I'm saying is, be prepared that he may be in touch again. If you feel you may waver, ask your service provider to block his number etc. You've made the right decision, you'll look back on this in time and wonder why you were even bothered about him, trust me

seenitall

ophere!!!!! wrote: »

I got back the usual, love talking to you, but as a friend, its never going to change.

OP, tbh, if this ^^^^ was what the guy had been saying all along (you did say that your relationship was only ever friends with benefits), then I just hope that you are taking your (big!) share of the responsibility for the hurt you've experienced. He wouldn't have kept "returning" if you hadn't been holding out for "more", for far, far too long. You need to accept that you sent mixed messages to the guy by "ending" it, but being all at the ready for his midnight booty-call(s?).

The reason this is important for you to accept is so you don't find yourself in another such scenario down the line, whether with him or someone else. Nothing helps to change our self-destructive patterns of behaviour more than taking responsibility for them.

If someone you fancy says to you something like "the usual" thing he'd been saying to you, the lesson there is to do just about anything else BUT hop into bed with them! (and that, honestly, is pretty self-evident). That's where your personal responsibility lies, ALTHOUGH (and before I get blasted on-thread :P) the guy is guilty of playing on your vulnerability. But not of deceit.

Enjoy the party!