In-laws question

LegacyUser

I was just wondering about something recently. How often do people see their in-laws?

My wife's mother usually pops over to our house twice a week or so and my wife will go over to see her once or twice a week also. I generally don't go over as to be honest I do be bored over there. I don't make a fuss about her coming over to us.

When I'm going to see my family I generally go on my own and don't expect my wife to come with me but she seems to get pissed off at me when she asks do I want to come and I tell her no I'd rather just relax at home.

Whoever's going to see their family brings the baby over to see his grandparents (which I imagine is the main thing anyway).

Am I wrong or is my wife being unreasonable getting annoyed over something so trivial that I have no interest doing? Now I'm not talking about special occasions but just weekly stuff. I just don't see the big deal.

Neyite

Visiting. Oh Gawd.

Its not unreasonable. You are not surgically attached to your wife, its all very well to make the effort to be the 'plus one' at gatherings, but I seriously think that if I expected my partner to be there up to 4 times a week while I visit my mother, he would not be long telling me where to go.

Tell your wife that she should use this time with her mother as mother-daughter time - You already see your mother in law twice a week at your house, more than enough.

To take a phrase I read elsewhere on boards, she married you, not bought you.

ElleEm

I agree with Neyite. I often go to visit my folks alone, but my boyfriend would see his parents less. I think girls are inclined to visit their family homes more anyway.

We wouldn't see our parents that often, maybe once every three weeks or so, but neither of us push each other to go together. We are separate people- I have my parents and he has his.

Swampy

I think its a good idea to go a little bit more often with your partner. She obviously would like you to visit as a family and probably makes excuses as to why you are not bothered. I'm not saying all the time but just the odd time should suffice.

Swampy

double post

LegacyUser

Ok, I feel your pain...I have the same issue with mine, except my gf's parents live in another county. She would visit every second or third wk end, and stay the whole wk end. After a few years I just stopped going or didnt go as much, because I was just twiddling my thumbs there. we also have a child. It doesnt bother me that she goes, just leave me out

Distorted

About 3 times a year - they live 150 miles away. To be honest, I'd rather spend time with my friends and people that I've met through my hobbies and interests. Does your wife have any hobbies, or a group of friends that she socialises with? Maybe she needs the support that her family provides in instead. She needs to accept that you don't though. I always wanted to move away from home and be independent, spending so much time with my family would drive me mad, but some people are real homebodies and can't see past the family unit. I think you and your wife need to accept that you have differing needs on this. You accept her viewpoint and don't object to her visiting her parents so often, so why shouldn't she accept yours?

Penny Dreadful

Mine live half an hour away and sometimes I might see them a couple of times in a week and then others it could be a couple of weeks before I'd see them. Sometimes I invite them over to our (mine and boyfriend's) house for lunch and sometimes they'd invite us to their house for Sunday lunch. These are usually the only times my boyfriend would come with me.

His parents live in the Sunny South East and so he doesn't go home as often, maybe once a month or so. The odd time he'll ask me to go with him and as its important to him I do.

Every couple works out a way that visiting the in laws works for them. The casual visits to your house are pretty often so I can see why you wouldn't want to go to their house every weekend too. Talk to your wife and explain this.