Caught between a Rock and a Hard place

xxtattyberxx

So as above Im caught between a Rock and a Hard place,
The OH and I Broke up at the start of the week, and Im stuck in how to inform my son of this, he's 9 and the OH has been apart of his life since he was 4.
So this week espescially Ive noticed junior talking alot about him, expecting to see him, asking when's he coming over. Doing various activities during the week and he'd be including the OH 'oh he'd like that, send him a picture etc etc etc.
So we were just watching youtube vids and he started texting him, I looked at his phone and hes been sending texts most of the week.
I dont know how Im to tell him that he wont be seeing him again, he is an extremely sensitive lad and obviuosly I dont want to hurt his feeling or upset him.
Is there a way I can sugar coat it?

Happyzebra

This may be a rubbish idea as i am certainly no expert but could you explain that you and your oh have decided to part ways but that your oh still wants to be part of you sons life... I am assuming that he does? It would be a shame for your son to lose his father figure. Maybe they could meet up once a week?

xxtattyberxx

he wouldnt at all be ignorant to the child and hes obviously responding to his texts, but as for as seeing him/ spending time with him I know he wouldnt. Not that hes a cruel person, I just dont think he see's that he is a role model in that respect.
So its basically say nothing, keep pawning the child of with excuses, its worked so far this week but how long does it last for.
Or rip it like a bandage and deal with the heart ache.

We split before but at the time we were also moving house,starting back at school etc so he had alot going on but when he did realise he did get quite upset

Happyzebra

If your ex has no intention of keeping up the relationship with your son then maybe it is best to be honest. It maybe painful for your son to hear but it's surely worse to have him waiting and hoping for a meeting that will never come. At least if you talk openly you will have an opportunity to comfort your son and help him deal with his feelings of loss. As a child he won't be able to understand adult relationships and why they break down as a result he may feel that your ex leaving maybe a reflection on him, for example "he left because i was bad" or maybe 'if i was better he might have stayed."

A good starting point might be to ask him what he thinks is going on and why? That way you will learn what he is thinking and be able to reassure him.

Again i am far from being an expert. Would love to hear other peoples views on this.

Just re-read your post. I don't know that txts are a good idea if he has no intention of continuing the relationship. Your son is txting because he wants a relationship but if that's not going to happen then isn't allowing the texting to continue just prolonging pain?? Your ex might be okay with a 'txt you occasionally' type of relationship but i think your son sees it as something more. Recipe for further hurt and disappointment in the future perhaps?

CrazyRabbit

Well...be honest with him. But make sure he understands that you are not preventing him from keeping in touch with the OH. He can continue to call/text him if he wishes. Also, don't say anything negative about the OH. Be neutral at all times.

From your post, I gather that your OH isn't your sons father, so you son needs to be told that the OH cannot fill that role, and that at most he can be a friend. It's important to set reasonable expectations with your son. You son needs to know that the OH does care a lot about him, but not as a 'father'.

Most importantly, listen very carefully to how your son responds. He may not be adequately able to communicate how he feels over this, so he needs to know that he can come to you at any time with any questions.