Terrified and Worried about my Debs

LegacyUser

My Debs is next year and basically I'm already worried SICK about it. I have no male friends whatsoever even though I go to a co-ed school. Im in 6th year and everybody has a group of friends and unfortunately my group of 5 girls are I guess you could say 'the losers' of the year. My parents were both extremely outgoing at my age and already seem a bit confused about why i don't go out on sat/friday nights... and I just can't bring myself to tell them it's because I'm not invited anywhere.

I was extremely shy coming into secondary school and I've really only stuck with my 4 other friends right the way through school and I suppose they're in the same boat as me more or less.. one has a boyfriend but he lives in england.

Please help me how can I start to talk to other people? everyone thinks im really quiet in class (which i am) and would look at me weirdly if I started talking to them. I honestly have terrible social skills and get worried and nervous before i talk to new people, how can I overcome this?

And I have a few questions, is it really weird and embarrassing for a girl to go on her own? how many girls would do this? is it worse or better to just not go at all?

I'm just so miserable at the moment and I'm sick with worry over such a stupid thing

Please help

Neyite

Dont be worried about going to the debs on your own. My group of friends went as a gang, but I had gone with a guy I was seeing. They all had a brilliant night while I was stuck with a drunk guy in a mood. I so wish in hindsight I went on my own with them.

Be pro-active, about the Debs - Make it the kind of night you want it to be: can you all get ready together (maybe with a little glass of champange if you are old enough to drink) do each others tans, hair or whatever. Maybe have a sleepover after it and continue the party hanging out with your friends as a last hurrah before you all go to different colleges? You sound like you have 4 terrific friends there that you will have for life - aquaintences are nice, but your mates are the ones who will have your back for life. Value that.

With regard to coming out of your shell a bit more, yes its daunting, but maybe an easy way is to approact another quiet shy girl and invite her to do things with your group? School is cliquey, college is vastly different, quite frankly, thats when 'losers' shine. There are clubs and societies, and class nights out and you will find it easy to get to know more people.

LegacyUser

The other thing OP, is your debs at the end of 6th year?

If it is - you don't have to go. You'll never see these people again, and college is amazing.Once the LC is done, that's it, you're out of there, and it's the rest of your life.

I've 3 sisters and 2 didn't go to the debs. I felt the exact same way as you about it, had no boyfriend, no male friends, and everyone else seemed to have someone. I went and it was ok, but I just wanted to get it over with. I went because I felt I HAD to, and was worried about what everyone would think. Now, I admire my sisters for not going to theirs...they just weren't interested and were strong enough to get over what people thought (if anything..).

Just a thought.

LegacyUser

Surely you ought to know at least one person you could ask? I asked a very close friend of mine from childhood and we had a great time. You don't need to be 'seeing' your partner. Don't worry about being shy or reserved; life would be boring if all people were loud, boistrous and outgoing (And most people would have more headaches) Don't worry about that. Don't worry about labels like 'loser' either; who even thinks like that anyway? This isn't an American high school movie. Just relax, be yourself and don't worry about such things. You have a group of girlfriends though - how come you don't go out as a group to town on a friday or saturday night? Or even arrange to go around to each others houses? You don't need to drink but it is unhealthy to spend too much time around the house. If you socialise more you will encounter more people. Who knows, you may come across a fella in your predicament (Believe me, there are LOADS of them)

karaokeman

I just got back from mine last night and I can honestly say I agree with previous posters in saying that in the long run the debs is only one night.

I only have a few female friends but none that I keep in contact with on a daily basis. Relax and enjoy your time while there's plenty left before the debs.

If you don't find anyone near enough to the time you never know your female friends could hook you up with one of their dates friends:).

But when you get there you will see, no one really cares. Whether you have a date or not becomes irrelevant when everyone mingles. The girl I brought left at 12:30 because her mum was very protective and I ended up just being with my friends for the last 5 hours.

And then I was boogying on the dancefloor, two girls came up to me and asked me to dance along with them. It came to a stage where our moves were what you would see from a couple, I had my arm around her back and I was holding her hand in mine.

I truly and honestly didn't expect this, I even got some kisses and that. So if you do end up by yourself, whether you brought a date or they left early people will come to you like that.

That's just one scenario however, but all kinds of things can happen.

Take your time and focus on being more outgoing. Bring the girls to town, hang out around their estates and whatnot. You can meet guys any way imaginable by just leaving the house.

And if you do the debs will seem much less daunting, just be yourself and don't try too hard, everything will work out in the end;).

LegacyUser

I'm a guy and I have no female friends so finding a date for the debs will be difficult. So amongst the huge pile of work we are doing for 6th year I'm trying to widen my social circle by going to whatever parties I'm invited to or meeting up with friends more often. Honestly I don't think I have a great chance of really hitting it off with any particular person but hey, If you don't try you shall not receive.

At the end of the day It is after school and the leaving cert so you'll never see many of those people again. It's only 1 night so try not to worry too much about it.

livinsane

There is no such thing as being "losers of the year" so don't have that mindset. If you are a nice person, people will respect you, whether you are quiet or not.

The debs is nothing like it is portrayed on tv. It's a party for friends, not a night for couples. Whether you bring a partner or not, you'll probably spend the night with your friends. Everybody in your class will feel under pressure for the same reasons you are.

Why don't you and your friends start socialising together at weekends? If you feel like you have bad social skills, it's better to start working on them now. You're not alone in the way you are feeling, I think alot of people can relate to you. Meeting people and chatting gets alot easier as you get older. Just be honest and friendly.

Dark Phoenix

I never went to my Debs. OP I was the same as you I was a bit different to others and didnt have a huge amount of friends let alone male ones. I had female friends all of whom were going with someone and you know what I just decided to hell with it I don't want to go. So I didn't and I can safely say I never missed out on anything by not going. Once I'd done the LC I just wanted out of school and didn;t feel the need to go back to that place or those people.

College I think will be the making of you. It is a much more mature place than secondary school and the 'sheep' mentality is a lot less - being your own person is a good think in college thank god.

DazMarz

I know lots of people who went to their Debs with same-sex platonic friends! They just bring their mates with them; it's an excuse to dress in a suit (you never look anything less than sexy-cool in a suit!), get pissed, have a bit of a laugh and go home and wonder what the fuss was about.

Myself, I went to my Debs with a friend. She was the daughter of a work colleague of mine, so it was a 'look-but-don't-touch' night. And what a look! HAHA.

People view these things differently from person to person. I know people in my year who didnt go, who went stag (ie. alone), who went with friends, who went with their boyfriend/girlfriend, who brought a relative... etc. the list is endless. it's basically just a night to doll yourself up and enjoy yourself. nobody puts THAT much importance on it, tbh. just try to have a good time of it.

tatabubbly

Hey I went to the debs on my own with a group of my friends, I enjoyed it more cos I was on my own, not having to worry about my date was lovely, nobody standing on my dress

Enjoy yourself, it's only one night and then you will have college to look forward to!