What is acceptable rough playing?

scwazrh

Hi all , My 3 nearly 4 yr old son started play school today.My son is a ball of energy and at times he can get very rough when playing and is very strong to go with it.It doesnt cause any problems at home as most of his playmates are older than him.Over the last few months we have explained to him and got him to understand that roughness and strong play fighting is not acceptable in school.

So today after his first school day myself and my wife where standing at the gates with the other parents waiting to collect the group of 14or so kids.There was also two teachers and a supervisor with the kids.While we where waiting we watched two other boys kicking and punching our son several times and didn't stop until my wife went over to tell the kids the to stop.the teachers who where there stood there and did nothing.After all the parents had left I approached the teachers and asked them had they not seen this and only one admitted to seeing some "playing "going on when my wife had gone over to my son. I told them how angry I was with this and was basically met with blank expressions from them.I now feel as if We will be labbelled over protective parents.

What is anyone else's opinions on this?is it accepetable for kicking and punching towards other kids at the age of 3 or 4?I think what is annoying me most is that we have got our child to understand that this behaviour will not be accepted in schools and on his first day it's done to him.

Triangle

For me it would depend on the context.

I.e. were the three boys 'playing' or were the two picking on the third boy.

It's hard to know for sure from your explaination, but I presume your son wasn't playing from the sounds of it. To me, if that was the case, then it's bullying and needs to be stopped.

Teachers have a duty to prevent bullying and if they don't they should be confronted. There's no two ways about it.

But either way, you are trusting a large portion of your son's time to the school, they need to make sure your (and your son's) needs are met (in my opinion) - you shouldn't feel bad about standing up for your son.
just my 2c

scwazrh

It was very clearly not playing , he was busy waving to us while one kid was kicking his legs and the other was punching him in the back. I did confront the teachers but their response seemed to be more shocked that I pointed it out than anything else.

I'm hoping it's a one off but my son has already asked why can he not hit them back and I'm struggling to give him an answer. I really don't want to be telling a 3 yr old to stand up for himself and hit back.I don't want to make a big deal out of it with the school but at the moment I feel as it is a really big thing!

Koltashe

Give it another few days and see if that behavior continues. If it does keep bringing up the problem with the teacher and if need be go further. Kids might need a bit more time to settle into new routine. Did any of those boys parents witness the incident? What did they say or do? If it happens again why not speak to them directly?

Those two boys can be just like yours, rough at playing but their parents didn't have the cop on to explain to their kids that this will not be acceptable in the school like you did with yours.

Schnooks

Sorry to hear your son was hit by those others 2 OP, hope you can sort it out with the school. I don't really have any advice, which leads me to my next question.

As a general question to parents (not a threadjack I hope), what is the general policy these days for advising your children how to handle violence?

I have a 5 y.o. boy started school this week. He knows that he should never hit anyone, and he generally abides by this and has been disciplined anytime he has done this.

But what do you say to him when he is being hit without having done anything to warrant it? I haven't a clue how to handle this. Do you tell him to hit back, as I would have done when I was a smallie? Or some other way to handle this?

Koltashe

I think its the greatest parenting dilema...

You tell them to defend themselves and hit back they end up in trouble for being violent
You tell them to do nothing they end up being bullied then years of insecurities, lack of confidence and low self-esteem
You tell them do nothing and tell the teacher they are branded a 'rat' and are bullied for telling on their mates -> insecurities, lack of confidence etc...

I think you just take every situation and incident individually and act accordingly. I just tell my daughter to stay away from violent kids, to ignore them not to speak with them and if they are being picked to do activities together I tell her to say she doesn't want to be in a group with this particular boy/girl. It seems to be working so far cause usually what the agressors are looking for is attention and responce and when they are not getting any they move their attention else where. Also being told in front of all the kids that some one doesn't want to be in your group for whatever activity has worked like a charm.

silverharp

I've always told my son to never hit anyone younger or smaller then himself. If someone hits him first I think I've told him a few time either walk away or hit back . there was one incident when he was about 4 and some older kid started kicking him in the bum, his grandmother told him to run away or kick back and he gave the older kid an almighty kick in the leg sending him running away crying, lesson learned.
Our school is very hard on bullying when there was one minor instance of it in infants, the kid in question was kept in at lunch break for the rest of the week.

CrazyRabbit

Teach him to tell (not ask) the other boys to stop.
Teach him that if they don't, then (and only then) is he allowed to hit back once and then walk away.

Sorry, I don't like violence, but 1 or 2 kicks/punches from a 3 year old isn't going to cause any serious damage and it will stop the attacks.

Of course, this is only if the boys really were attacking your son and not just playing roughly.

scwazrh

Koltashe wrote: »

Give it another few days and see if that behavior continues. If it does keep bringing up the problem with the teacher and if need be go further. Kids might need a bit more time to settle into new routine. .

Thanks for this , it sort of confirms the line I was thinking along myself.

When I collected him today they had one teacher dealing with parents and another keeping the kids in line so hopefully yesterday was a one off with the lack of attention from the teachers.

Anyway thanks to you all for the responses and opinions:)

Shammy

scwazrh wrote: »

Thanks for this , it sort of confirms the line I was thinking along myself.

When I collected him today they had one teacher dealing with parents and another keeping the kids in line so hopefully yesterday was a one off with the lack of attention from the teachers.

Anyway thanks to you all for the responses and opinions:)

http://www.schooldays.ie/articles/approaching-your-school

Do not be afraid to go to the principal . There are strict polices in place , bullying is very serious and in fairness to most schools they nip it in the bud quickly.

loishasdied

not to be melodramatic or worry you, but i couldn't leave a child in a place where i knew the teachers had that attitude - i think it's fairly abnormal for a teacher to think that's ok - you are counting on them to protect your child when you're not there. am so sorry for your situation and hope you get peace of mind soon

KittyeeTrix

loishasdied wrote: »

not to be melodramatic or worry you, but i couldn't leave a child in a place where i knew the teachers had that attitude - i think it's fairly abnormal for a teacher to think that's ok - you are counting on them to protect your child when you're not there. am so sorry for your situation and hope you get peace of mind soon

I would be very much in agreement with this post.....
Definitely have another in depth chat with the teacher about your concerns:)