my own insecurity, or my boyfriends duty?

killyourtv_

Hi guys,
Me and my boyfriend have been together 2yrs next month, we're both 19. At the start of our relationship/''honeymoon period'' he would compliment like there was no tomorrow and i loved it (obviously).. but as the months go on, he'd stop complimenting me completely.

It kinda makes me sad and has me wondering if he doesnt find me attractive anymore. I've said it to him loads of times and he said that he'll make more of an effort, but it'll last for a day or two until he forgets to try.

So im wondering if its my own insecurities, or do i feel as if i kind of deserve some nice things said to me every once in a while?

Any help would be appreciated, im wrecking my head here

LegacyUser

If he's dropped all forms of intimacy and romance I'd be worried myself, but not so much about a lack of compliments alone.

Does he do intimate and romantic things still? Or is he only intimate and romantic when sex is on the cards? Is the romance still there in other ways besides verbal expressions of his attraction to you?

miaowmiaow

Hey killyourtv

My 2 cents is that hell yeah, you deserve to be complimented by the person who's meant to love you. Since he's not really consistent in his efforts to reassure you he's only feeding your insecurities... Feeling crap within your own skin is a nasty downward spiral and if he cares for you he should really be helping you by reminding you how awesome you are!

Sure he might be forgetful, lazy or just a typical irish guy, but if this is really getting to you he should sit up and listen.
Is there anything else bogging you down? It's just you sound really low and I can't help but wonder maybe there's more to this? Maybe you could do with some breathing space and a few girls nights out to think about how you feel in your own skin without the need for your boyfriend's attention and/or approval? Just try not to rely on him to convince you that you're amazing. Cause it actually is all about self belief and knowing that any guy's lucky to have you. At least, that's what i tell myself now after coming out of a bleak 'first love' experience. Don't just stick with it if you feel it in your gut that something's wrong.
Basically, you don't have to put up with feeling miserable, especially if a boy's indirectly causing it!

Best of luck now, take care of yourself!

jimmycrackcorm

The honeymoon is over. Your insecurities are your own issue to deal with. You really shouldn't have to rely on someone else to make you feel good about yourself.

If you really need some compliments then I'd suggest you try some contrast to make yourself obvious. By that I mean one day you should dress down and the next day, be the complete opposite i.e. Dress up, hair, make-up etc. Sorry but us men need a bit of help in the right direction.

lace

Are compliments really worth it if you have to remind him to give them? You've let him know that it upsets you when he doesn't compliment you, so it's up to him to carry it on. It's not his "duty", per se, but it's a well known fact that we ladies like the odd "you look nice" every now and again. If he's treating you well in other ways and you're happy with him then I wouldn't make too much of an issue of this. Maybe mention to him whenever you're feeling unattractive and he'll be able to put your mind at ease.

John Mason

OP, you need to work on your self -esteem.

You shouldnt need compliments from another person to make you feel good about yourself.

and if you have to remind someone to compliment you, it is not a real anyway.

you never to stop this demanded compliments bahaviour or you will end up with a rep for being a diva/drama queen

Taltos

I am sitting on the fence for this.

Yes - you should not have to rely on someone else to make you feel good.
No - it only takes a second to occasionally let you know he thinks your top is nice etc

For what it is worth my OH had this chat with me a while ago - just saying she missed the little compliments I used to pay her. It was part of an overall chat of a rut we had fallen into - reminded me that we both have to work at keeping our relationship alive...
Maybe you both just need a similar chat?

Sleepy

Had this with an ex and I have to say the quickest way to make me stop giving compliments is to ask for them. I despise insincerity and if I'm only giving you a compliment because I know you want them rather than because something as caught my eye (e.g. a new haircut, weight-loss, nice outfit that I haven't seen before etc.) then I'm being insincere. When under pressure to give compliments you start questioning whether you're actually saying things because you mean them or because you want to keep your partner happy by indulging their insecurities.