I despise my body

LegacyUser

I am 22, 5'3 and weigh 9 stone 1 pound as of yesterday. The trouble is over the past few months I really really hate my body. I look in the mirror and I feel humungous. I know I am a size 8-10 in clothes depending on the shop but I can't shake this feeling that I am really heavy. It sounds ridiculous because my measurements don't sound big.
I think my waist is 28 inches, my hips 34/36. I am trying to loose weight and get so mad when I don't loose a pound in a week. I constantly compare myself to friends. I think a lot of it comes from a friend of mine who is obessessed with weight and I notice her saying how such and such a person is so skinny and she equates this with really liking that person because of this. Girls are constantly talking about weight even all my friends say they are trying to loose weight even though they don't need to in my eyes.
I worry about how people view me and do they think I need to loose weight. It's beginning to impact on my life in a big way.I constantly compare myself to others in facebook photo's. If I put on a new dress for a Saturday night I worry if people will say or think that I don't have the figure for it.
Has anyone any ideas on how to get over this because it has gotten so much worse lately? I should add that maybe some of this comes from my mother saying this time last year that I looked enormous but at that time I was nearly 10 stone. She is constantly asking what exercise I have done in a week and saying how I have to keep it up if I am to be "lovely" and thin in her words.

gypsy_rose

well OP, I don't know exactly what to say to you to make yourself feel better because it sounds like a lot of it is in your head, the scales and dress sizes don't lie.

If it makes you feel any better I'm 5'4 and my aim is to be your weight this time next year! I'm 10 stone right now and don't feel massive but just want to lose a little weight. It's all about perspective, if all your friends were obese you'd probably feel really thin. To be honest there is more to life though than obsessing about your weight and appearance, maybe you're bored? Why not try to find a new project, college work perhaps, or reading more books? Losing weight to change your appearance is very difficult as it's not as tangible or measurable as say running for 40 minutes or 2 miles every day.

To be honest I find people who are obsessed with their appearance and weight pretty boring if that's all they have to talk about. I think getting a hobby is your answer.

Katgurl

OP you are straying into dangerous territory here letting other people dictate how you view your body - you need to take the reins back!

Women get so much attention (good and bad) based on their looks it is nearly impossible to resist urge to let how other people's comments define ourselves. But you need to work hard at it.

You are still very young, i assume your friend is too and she will grow out of this level of idiocy. If nothing else, ongoing conversations about who the skinniest girl is, is beyond boring.

Your mother means well. She wants you to be thin and lovely. Mine does too despite the fact that puberty put a stop to that at 12 years old. But the horrifying reality is, she is totally f**ked up about weight, thinks it is normal to be constantly self-flaggelating about size, on a perpetual diet and always thought she was fat. I suspect she believe this behaviour is what it is to be a woman. In reality, she was always tall and very slim and it breaks my heart that she spent her whole life unable to enjoy her good genes / looks / luck.

If you are genuinely concerned (it doesnt sound like you should be), get an expert opinion from a personal trainer and get onto a programme where you eat healthily and train regularly. This is what I do, i dont compare myself to other people, worry if my jean size is bigger or smaller than anyone else's - I compare myself to myself and if someone has something to say about it i remind myself "that is THEIR opinion, not mine". If someone persists in banging on about my figure uninvited I often smile and say "thanks for the compliment" and change the subject, if they persist I say "listen, its not up for public discussion".

If I'm feeling like i have gained a bit of weight I cut out the crap & exercise to lose it and I dont let some well-meaning person ("men LOVE curves") put me off. I know how I like to look and it doesnt include having an extra chin or four boobs. Likewise if i'm happy with my size I dont let anyone else suggest I should feel otherwise ("oh don't you wish you were as skinny as XXX?"), I ignore these remarks. Its none of their business.

LegacyUser

OP, I'm exactly your height, weight and measurements and none of my friends think I'm fat. In fact I get constant comments about being tiny, but I think they're more height than weight-related (I may be an inch shorter than you and in denial).

I know when I was nearly 10 stone myself a few years back I looked a bit heavy, but 9 is about right for me. I once got down to what I thought my ideal was and all my clothes looked weird, so since then I've hovered around 9.

My mother does the same. I am finally old enough now to say 'meh, her issue, my body, my decision.' I think you may need to repeat that to yourself a couple of times.

beks101

Great advice above, just to add - if you continuously look to others to decide how you feel about yourself, you're setting yourself up for a life of misery. You will never be thin enough, or pretty enough and there'll always be somebody fitter / hotter / more attractive / more defined etc in the room. Do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling inadequate and taking your health for granted?

It's a damn hard thing to do given how much emphasis is placed on female beauty and 'thinness' seems to be the Holy Grail of it all, but ultimately you and ONLY YOU can know or decide what is healthy for you. Quit listening to others, quit reading all those sh1tty magazines, quit trying to lose 20 pounds in two weeks and start prioritising your health. I'd agree that a personal trainer or nutritionist and/or fitness plan is a good way to go. If you're training regularly you'll develop a new respect and appreciation for your body that will automatically make you see how unsustainable and counter-productive fad diets and restrictive eating is.

Grab the reigns on this now before it takes over. You are not fat - you know that - and I suspect your constitution will not allow you to be a size zero effortlessly. Honestly, why would you even want that? Wouldn't you much rather be strong, fit and healthy, and be able to run a 10k, or a marathon if you so choose, or pushing yourself and achieving a fitness goal that you never thought you were capable of? Trust me, that will feel a hell of a lot more satisfying than starving yourself for a few weeks to fit into some tiny jeans and feeling miserable every step of the way. And you'll look fantastic too.

And another note, though I'm sure the thought makes you feel sick - throw away your scales until you reach a point where stepping on them doesn't have the ability to make or break your day. Your weight is just one aspect of you, albeit a superficial one, it is NOT the sum of who you are or what you are worth. I think a few weeks focussing solely on your fitness and health, maybe starting a new plan, without the pressure of losing weight, might help you to re-focus and re-programme your brain to the point where it's not all about simply seeing the scales go down.

nagolina

I felt like you until very recently. I don't know what changed in me but suddenly I kind of accept who I am and what I look like. It might be old age , I'm 36!

You know deep down that you are not heavy or fat. It's really **** how people are brainwashed into this ideal of beauty. So much pressure.

I have a book which I dip into every so often, it's very American and has a bit of a feminist slant, but it's an interesting read and addressed the issue of body hating which many women go through -

http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/Perfect-Girls-Starving-Daughters-Courtney-Martin/9780749928131

Might be worth a read, even if it helps you to think about why you seem to hate your body so much?

My mother hates that I have short hair. She never fails to mention it when we talk. I have no idea why! For some reason, it really stings to think my mum doesn't seem to think I am beautiful enough. Anyone else could comment and it would be like water off a duck's back! I can see why your mum going on about your weight/exercise would be really hurtful.

Weight is such a small part of someone, yet we give it far too much importance.

Kablamo!

I'm the same age, size and height as you are. YOU ARE NOT FAT! I assume you have boobs and an arse, which are generally desirable to have. By all means, GET FIT, fitness is a great thing. I used to weigh 2 stone less and I looked properly ill.

lace

Hi OP!

Lots of girls are obsessed about weight. When I was in school it was almost a crime to say "y'know what, I'm actually pretty happy with the way I look" so lots of girls fell into the trap of comparing themselves to others and never feeling good enough. Sure we all have our little faults but nobody should be looking in the mirror and feeling horrible about what they see (especially not somebody as skinny as you!).

Your mother probably means well and just wants you to be happy and be able to wear whatever you want and attract men etc. but maybe it would be no harm to talk to her about the comment that upset you. Let her know it's still affecting you.

As for learning to love the body you've got - it's not easy. If the upset you're feeling when you look in the mirror is extreme and really having a negative impact on your life then maybe it's no harm to mention it to a GP or professional before it gets out of hand.

CrazyRabbit

hatethewayilook wrote: »

5'3 and weigh 9 stone 1 pound
28 inches, my hips 34/36.

Being perfectly 100% honest here. I'm attracted to people with those measurements. Any thinner/lighter and they'd look unhealthy. Physically, you seem to be the perfect weight for your size and many many people would give anything to be able to boast of the same.

Speak to your friend and ask her to stop talking about other people's weight etc when you are around. If she really is a friend, this will be fine.

LegacyUser

Thanks a million for all the replies. I don't know where this whole thing has come from but it's really taken over in a big way.
I think an awful lot of it is the media and how it seems like the skinnier a woman is the better, and I know all my friends think this as well. I feel that when I often say among a group of friends I'd love to loose half a stone I think if I lost half a stone I would be happier in myself but I'm just worried that I won't stop at it. I used to be very confident about my body when I was in college and then I was around 8 and a half to 9 stone but now I look in the mirror and hate what I see.
I go to the gym two or three nights a week and go brisk walking with a friend one or two other nights so I do exercise a lot. I eat healthily apart from the odd treat of a few squares of chocolate and a Chinese once a month or so.
I might get a program drawn up for me in the gym and follow it as best I can. Do I say to the instructor that I really don't like my body or do I just say I want a program drawn up?
I also didn't go into full detail about my mother and her view of things but she has also said I look disgusting, my bum is a size 12-14 and no clothes look nice on me. Last year when I was 10 stone she got really mad one night and roared at me why I was so fat. So I think an awful lot of my complex may be to do with her as I just have no confidence in my body.
It's like if there was a picture of me somewhere and someone said I have a lovely figure or something I feel it would make everything a lot better but maybe this is me overly worrying about what others think.

Whiskey Devil

Sounds like your mother is the one that needs help. Why the hell would any mother say that to their daughter, be they 9 stone or 19. She sounds like a horrible cow and clearly a total fruitcake.

I think recognising that would be a good start.. Ignore what she says.

Also, your friend doesn't sound much better. She likes/dislikes people based on their weight? Seems like your friendship offers very little positives and a lot of negatives in your life.

Life is short, don't waste it worrying about what YOU THINK others think.. especially not people like those you have described.

Sorry, probably wasn't very helpful.