No best man or bridesmaid

b743k

We're having a bit of a non-traditional wedding and we were thinking of not having a bridal party as we will be doing the legal bit days before so we don't really need them to sign the cert and it would save about a grand not to buy and rent all the attire and hair and make-up.

My mom and sisters would be delighted to help me to get ready that morning (their words). The only thing that we could think of that might cause a problem would be nobody to give a best man speech so might be better with one of each but I'd rather not to be honest.

Has anyone done this? How has it worked out?

sweetie

just ask someone close to you both that would be willing (and suited) to make a speech.
Always found the fact that only the grooms side get to make a speech peculiar/old fashioned so if you got someone to speak on behalf (slag) of both of you it would be great.

Cat Melodeon

You could tell everyone coming that if they wanted to say a few words at speech time you'd be delighted. I was at a friend's wedding and they just passed the microphone around during the meal. The groom started the speeches once the starter was served, the father of the bride went next and then it went from table to table with anyone who wanted to telling an anecdote or just giving their best wishes. There were some hilarious stories and really touching messages, with only one awkward moment where a slightly drunken uncle went on a bit, but even that was a bit sweet. The bride gave the last speech over tea and coffee and she was brilliant.

silly

Your wedding should be what you and your partner want and nobody else. If ye don't want a bridesmaid or best man that is your decision.

I will say though, it won't cost you a grand to have 1 bridesmaid and best man.

You can get a bridesmaid dress in any shop you like, doesn't have to be expensive, Tkmax always have a nice selection of dresses.
Shoes can be got for €20-€30 or less in dunnes. ( my bridesmaids are wearing their own shoes)
Hair and make up for one bridesmaid may only cost you €50/€60 - and that's if they want a fancy upstyle, they might be happy to just leave it down - might depend on the type of dress.

And a suit for the best man - he could wear one he already has, or you can rent one for anything between €70 - €100. Depends on if you are having waist cost etc.
So, all in all, one bridesmaid and one best man won't cost the earth.
But at the end of the day, it's your day and dont make decisions on what other people expect or want for your day.

kc66

I found it very useful having someone do a few little jobs on the day when I wasn't really available able to do them, so if you don't have a best man I suggest asking someone to make themselves available for this.

HairMonster

Is the only reason you are not having them because of the expense? As silly says, it doesn't have to be expensive - a friend of mine got her bridesmaids dresses in Monsoon in the Kildare Retail Outlet Village for something like €60 each. Its easier when its only 1 because you're not trying to find a dress to suit different people & sizes so I'm sure you'd easily pick up something in the sales either. And I've seen lots of posts on this board saying they were going each others hair & makeup on the day.

Or how about asking your sister to be BM and ask her to buy her dress etc as her wedding gift to you? I'm sure she'd appreciate being asked and I'm sure she would understand. She'll have to buy an outfit anyway so why not make it a BM dress ?

Hiring a suit for the best man isn't that expensive or he may already have a suit. And they don't need makeup & hair styling (well... I in some cases they could do with it but thats another matter! )

If you decide not to, I wouldn't worry about not having a best man speech. My brother was scared witless when he was best man and didn't do a speech, he really just acted as MC introducing the other speakers etc. You could have one of the fathers do that.

Of course its 100% your decision, and if you don't want a best man & bridesmaid thats perfectly fine. I'd just hate to see you not having them simply because of the expense.

b743k

Thanks for the replies. I really like the getting different people to tell a story, could throw up all sorts of laughter.

I had money in the first post but to be honest, it's not really the main issue. I have two sisters and two very close friends. If it went the sisters route, I couldn't pick one over the other, the same with my friends. One of my friends would I think expect to get asked too if I had anyone up there so I would end up with either my two friends or all four of them so I can't have just one so there would be the cost of two suits and two dresses etc. which we could afford but I'd rather keep it for a house deposit really.

It just all seems like politics that I could do without. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother and my fiance has 3 sisters so I was just thinking of having a top table of us, them and both sets of parents. I just want it to be a day that we all get together to celebrate the commitment that we're both making but every move lately seems to have the possibility of offending someone who's invited. I'll have to be firmer and just tell people what's happening instead of sounding things out with them.;)

Any suggestions or experiences on the no bridal party idea are very welcome here!

HairMonster

There always seem to be politics involved in every wedding, there's never an easy decision! If thats the reason, then you're suggestion sounds like a lovely solution, everyone is there and involved without having to choose one person over another.

As you will have all immediate family at the top table, why not just ask everyone there if they would like to say something? Its similar to passing the mic around, but without the risk of some blokey friend telling an inappropriate stag-do story or drunken uncle hogging the spotlight! Either way, its definitely worth asking at least a few people before hand, many people freeze when asked to speak on the spot.

The best man usually does MC duties at the speeches, so just ask your father to do that part. Once there are a couple of people to speak, no one will even miss the best man speech.

Other than the speech, don't forget you will need someone to help out at the ceremony with the rings - this is usually the best mans job. Do you have a young cousin to do that? Involving a child (as long as you don't have to pick out one from a large family) goes a long way to dissipating tensions over "why wasn't I chosen".

You may need ushers at hand during the ceremony for duties such as moving the chairs, depending on the church/venue. This usually falls to the bridal party but only because they are already on the altar. If its a church, there may be altar boys.

You could hand your bouquet to your mother at the top of the altar instead of your bridesmaid.

I'm sure I've missed little jobs that the best man/bridesmaid do during the day, but there is nothing that you can't get someone to do.

It sounds like a great idea and I really don't think you'll lose out for not having chosen 2 particular people to help out, instead you have the whole family on hand which is lovely. Go for it!

b743k

HairMonster wrote: »

There always seem to be politics involved in every wedding, there's never an easy decision! If thats the reason, then you're suggestion sounds like a lovely solution, everyone is there and involved without having to choose one person over another.

As you will have all immediate family at the top table, why not just ask everyone there if they would like to say something? Its similar to passing the mic around, but without the risk of some blokey friend telling an inappropriate stag-do story or drunken uncle hogging the spotlight! Either way, its definitely worth asking at least a few people before hand, many people freeze when asked to speak on the spot.

The best man usually does MC duties at the speeches, so just ask your father to do that part. Once there are a couple of people to speak, no one will even miss the best man speech.

Other than the speech, don't forget you will need someone to help out at the ceremony with the rings - this is usually the best mans job. Do you have a young cousin to do that? Involving a child (as long as you don't have to pick out one from a large family) goes a long way to dissipating tensions over "why wasn't I chosen".

You may need ushers at hand during the ceremony for duties such as moving the chairs, depending on the church/venue. This usually falls to the bridal party but only because they are already on the altar. If its a church, there may be altar boys.

You could hand your bouquet to your mother at the top of the altar instead of your bridesmaid.

I'm sure I've missed little jobs that the best man/bridesmaid do during the day, but there is nothing that you can't get someone to do.

It sounds like a great idea and I really don't think you'll lose out for not having chosen 2 particular people to help out, instead you have the whole family on hand which is lovely. Go for it!

Thanks, good points.

We're having a humanist ceremony so some of the jobs that are usually picked up by the bridal party aren't really happening which adds to my decision.

I love the idea about asking a child to do the rings, my fiance's niece who is also his goddaughter will be 11 and I was feeling bad about her not being involved as a flowergirl and she's too young to do a reading so that would be perfect for her, never thought of that. Thanks:D

Bride2012

I haven't been to one before where it was done but the way you described it sounds nice. The colour scheme and similar dresses look lovely in photos but as you said it's about the two of you.

I'm sure that everyone will be happy to wear what they want too. I've seen some really horrible bridesmaids' dresses :eek:

Cellygirl

Just curious - who are you getting to be your witnesses for the legal bit? Could they not be your unofficial best man and bridesmaid on the day of your humanist celebration?

It's usually one bloke and one girl as the witnesses so that could sort it out for you? You could explain it to your sisters/friends that legally you're only allowed have one of each so you're having X and Y?

iguana

We just had witnesses, a friend of mine and a friend of my husband's. They didn't have any jobs except for to sign the register. I didn't want speeches, I generally despise them at weddings, so in my opinion we dodged a bullet in that regard.

b743k

Cellygirl wrote: »

Just curious - who are you getting to be your witnesses for the legal bit? Could they not be your unofficial best man and bridesmaid on the day of your humanist celebration?

It's usually one bloke and one girl as the witnesses so that could sort it out for you? You could explain it to your sisters/friends that legally you're only allowed have one of each so you're having X and Y?

We're doing the legal bit on the Monday or Tuesday with just our parents so one signature from each side. The big day will be that Saturday with everyone.

Cellygirl

b743k wrote: »

We're doing the legal bit on the Monday or Tuesday with just our parents so one signature from each side. The big day will be that Saturday with everyone.

Ah I see. In essence then your folks are your bridesmaid and best man!

I only had my two wee nieces in my side of the bridal party. My eldest sister signed the register for me but she didn't wear a bridesmaid dress or walk up the aisle or anything.

Both she and my other sister and my mother got me ready on the morning of the wedding/held my bag/helped me in the loo/were there if I needed anything. They didn't need a bridesmaid label or dress to do that for me, so it all worked out.

Your day, your way. If you want no official bestman/bridesmaid, then fair enough. As the bride, on the day, trust me, people will be falling over themselves to help you, they really will. You won't be stuck!

Good luck!

Magnet

I got married recently (civil ceremony) and I didn`t have any bridesmaids, groomsmen, flowergirls etc
My brother was my witness and my hubby had his best friends as his, although I have 2 sisters and he has 4 brothers!!
Everone could wear whatever colour they liked then.
My 2 sisters, mother and mother in law all helped out on the morning of the wedding without any bother or feeling left out!
Not one person noticed either
Also in the few weeks/days coming up to the day I was so glad I didn`t have the sheer hassle of fittings, shoe shopping, hair trials or any of that and could enjoy the buildup...