Staying friends with ex?

LegacyUser

Regular poster here going unreg...

Anyway, myself and my gf broke up at the beginning of this month, after about a 4 month relationship. Things were going good between us, but she broke it off as she wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I was her first proper boyfriend and she thought she was ready for it but it turned out she wasn't (we're both 20 btw). Anyway, everything ended on good terms, no fights or anything, and we promised each other to stay friends as we genuienly has feelings for each other, and neither of us had done anything to warrent being "unfriended". My problem, if it is a problem, is that this is exactly what has happened. We are still best friends, do so much stuff together and still talk as much and get along as well as ever. Infact I'd say we get on better than before.
Its almost like we are gone back to the dating stage and not officially in a relationship. I don't think she wants to get back together properly and I feel that our friendship is holding me back from moving on. I think if we stopped contact than I'd have moved on already but because we havn't I'm still very much attached to her. I know it would kill me to see her so much as kissing another guy, even in a nightclub drunk. I'd like for us to stay friends, but for her to date other guys and for me to see other women, and to be supportive of each other about it. I really don't want to loose her as a friend, as she really is one of my best friends now, yet I need to distance myself from her.
I'm looking for some advice about what to do really!

Thanks guys!!

Little Miss Lady

I think you should just talk to her about it.
you're good friends so she should be able to tell you.
Tell her what you've said here.
Atleast that way you can sort out the romance side of things and go from there.
Best of luck

Virgil°

friendswithex? wrote: »

Regular poster here going unreg...

Anyway, myself and my gf broke up at the beginning of this month, after about a 4 month relationship. Things were going good between us, but she broke it off as she wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I was her first proper boyfriend and she thought she was ready for it but it turned out she wasn't (we're both 20 btw). Anyway, everything ended on good terms, no fights or anything, and we promised each other to stay friends as we genuienly has feelings for each other, and neither of us had done anything to warrent being "unfriended". My problem, if it is a problem, is that this is exactly what has happened. We are still best friends, do so much stuff together and still talk as much and get along as well as ever. Infact I'd say we get on better than before.
Its almost like we are gone back to the dating stage and not officially in a relationship. I don't think she wants to get back together properly and I feel that our friendship is holding me back from moving on. I think if we stopped contact than I'd have moved on already but because we havn't I'm still very much attached to her. I know it would kill me to see her so much as kissing another guy, even in a nightclub drunk. I'd like for us to stay friends, but for her to date other guys and for me to see other women, and to be supportive of each other about it. I really don't want to loose her as a friend, as she really is one of my best friends now, yet I need to distance myself from her.
I'm looking for some advice about what to do really!

Thanks guys!!

You can't be her friend if that's how you feel. Sorry to put it bluntly but if she's a girls who socialises and gets out like you describe above then chances are good you are going to see her shift some random bloke one night
Which should be fine if you were just friends.
(This happened to me before with an ex and its just as you say, felt like I wanted to curl up in a corner and die)

Ask her out. Tell her straight out how you feel. If she turns you down or even gives you a maybe with a "but" then she doesn't feel the same way about you and in the interest of preserving your sanity you need to cut or reduce contact. You;d be torturing yourself with the thought of her. Whats worse is you be in such a daze with her you'll allow opportunities to meet other women pass you by unnoticed. Don't let this happen.
All the best.

G-Money

I'm pretty clear on this. Only be friends if you both want only that. If you want more and she doesn't, keep your distance. At the moment, she's getting all the benefits of having you around plus she knows she can go snog/f*** some random guy guilt free as you aren't in a relationship with her.

You on the other hand I feel perhaps are hanging on hoping she will change her mind and as you have admitted yourself, will probably feel crushed if she goes off with some other guy which I'm sorry to say she probably will sooner rather than later.

If you want to get back together and she doesn't, back off and leave her to it.

easychair

friendswithex? wrote: »

Regular poster here going unreg...

I really don't want to loose her as a friend, as she really is one of my best friends now, yet I need to distance myself from her.
I'm looking for some advice about what to do really!

Thanks guys!!

A little bit of loosening is probably no bad thing. It's possible to remain friends and not be living in each others pockets. Obviously, if you are not able to loosen the friendship, then chances of you meeting someone else will be diminished. It is tempting after a relationship to want to cling on, but sometimes the kindest thing we can do for our ex partner is to let them go.

Skuxx

I have to disagree with what most of the others are saying here. I think that it is very possible for ye to remain friends. What I would do is talk to her, tell her that you just need 2/3 maybe even 4 weeks (or months, if thats what it takes) to yourself, then get the lads together and head out on the town and get back in the game. Its true what they say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else!! All you are doing is hanging onto what you had, but you need to realise that shes not the be all and end all, you can and will have the same if not better with plenty more women in the future!
After that, once you are happy yourself that you have gotten over her and moved on, talk to her again and tell her you are ready to be proper, adult, mature friends again. She will understand that you need to do this and it might be good for her too.