Forgetting her

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Posted in this forum a few months ago, about a girl in my course at college. I was crazy about her, but she wasnt interested. And I've been struggling to her out of my head ever since. We're friends, and we have a laugh, but there's still some awkwardness there.

It's gotten to the point where over the summer I've kept contact to an absolute minimum, no conversations really but being friendly all the same. It's not that I haven't wanted to, but it was for my benefit, and thats something I wasn't doing before.

As college is starting, I don't want to be reverting back to how I was before. I tried no contact before, but because it's a tightly-knit group it's kind of hard to avoid her without making the rest in the group feel awkward or isolating myself.

I keep myself busy with activities & exercise, but it's going to be harder to distract myself with college

I just want to get on with the year without any hassle, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

LegacyUser

Toughie. Are your feelings towards her exactly the same as they were before? If so, then maybe you need to cut contact. You've given the present arrangement a few months, so realistically if you aren't any closer to getting over her now continuing in the same vein isn't going to solve the problem. I can see why you'd be reluctant to isolate yourself like that, though.

Maybe you need to broaden your circle of friends? College is a great place to do that, as I'm sure you know. And who knows: you might meet someone else, which would really help you get over this. Good luck.

Tricia1

You've effectively answered your question by saying that she isn't interested in you.

Also you need to be mature, get along with her and respect the girl's decision.

If you respect the girl's verdict then there's no hassle to be had.

Wompa1

Tricia1 wrote: »

You've effectively answered your question by saying that she isn't interested in you.

Also you need to be mature, get along with her and respect the girl's decision.

If you respect the girl's verdict then there's no hassle to be had.

Do your best to cut her out of your life as much as possible, the next thing that will happen is you will see her with somebody else and it will knock you back a peg again. But that's just what I'd do...

LegacyUser

Tricia1 wrote: »

You've effectively answered your question by saying that she isn't interested in you.

Also you need to be mature, get along with her and respect the girl's decision.

If you respect the girl's verdict then there's no hassle to be had.

I do respect it, and I've accepted it wholly. Doesn't mean its still not difficult.

Wompa1 wrote:

Do your best to cut her out of your life as much as possible, the next thing that will happen is you will see her with somebody else and it will knock you back a peg again. But that's just what I'd do...

I've tried this and it doesn't work. Severed all ties with most of the year in the process. Thankfully that was sorted but it's not something I would consider doing again. Cutting her out of my life, out of a class group of around 6-7 next year will be near impossible without being rude.

Wompa1

triedeverything wrote: »

Cutting her out of my life, out of a class group of around 6-7 next year will be near impossible without being rude.

Why are you concerned about you seeming rude though? Self preservation my friend. You should look after yourself, if they think you are rude for it, screw 'em

Tricia1

Nobody's denying it's difficult but if she's not interested, she's not interested.

You need to force yourself to move on- life's too short.

There could be genuinely nice girls out there you're missing out on.

ChattyChick

It IS going to be difficult, but it's one of those awful things that you just have to face up to. Few of these things are really as bad as we anticipate them to be. What I mean is that your current worrying is probably more stressful than what it's going to be like.

It doesn't sound like you can cut yourself off from your college group, but that doesn't mean that you can't have other groups of friends too. Spreading yourself around a little could open doors you haven't even considered yet. This too will pass but for now try to just manage one day at a time rather than trying to work out how you'll deal with the whole year ahead.

Good luck x

Snowie

Hey op

You never forget people there always going to be there for the next 6 months if you accept that its fine ok so something didnt work out but serously man something ive found women you meet tend to get better then the last one

just accept there aint nout you can do about it .... serously in ten years time ule be wondering why you bothered

LegacyUser

OP here,

Back to college, everything is going ok. Things are friendly, less awkwardness this time around. There are only 5 of us this year, so it will be impossible to avoid her, working with her.

Trying to accept it, & it's tough, but I think it will definitely be more bearable come graduation. Although the idea of that is a bit depressing all the same

livinsane

I don't think cutting her out would fix the problem.
If you have strong feelings for her, you obviously really like her as a person.
Don't let her stunt your relationships. Start getting to know other women. There are lots of nice girls out there and college is the perfect place to meet them. I think you need someone to take your mind off her (in a romantic way). This is the time of your life to be having fun.