ex in fights? Do I go to his aid?

LegacyUser

I broke up with my abusive partner with whom I lived for a greater portion of our relationship. I have closed all accounts etc to do with the relationship and contact is kept to a minimum.

He texted me last night to tell me he was involved in a big fight with people who he came across who were picking on someone who was on his own (all the details I have). He said he is pretty badly bust up and just wanted me to know.


What am I supposed to do with this? I do not want to go back to him. At least not until he stops his alcohol abuse, which I know is not easy for someone but I cannot change him and I cannot do this for him.

What does someone do normally in this type of situation. I care about him and I want to go there but something's telling me not to.

IrishEyes19

Do not under any circumstance go there, OP, getting in fights is risky business, who knows what he is caught up in right now, and do you really want to get dragged into it, you left the relationship for a reason, if you get involved he will tthink its ok,

if he any respect for you, he'd leave you out of his dirty work so to speak and wait until he has turned a new leaf. if you have a bad feeling, trust that instinct.

Alter-Ego

Delete Message. Don't Reply. The situation has bad news written all over it.

LegacyUser

Eh, it's not your problem. He's a chaotic person. Don't enable him. He will drag you backn down.

Oh, and don't go back to him. He's not your problem.

Miss Fluff

Do NOT get sucked in. He is not your responsibility and seeing as he was abusive to you when he was your partner I doubt the altercation was all that innocent. You've a bad feeling about this so follow your gut. Delete the message. Pretend you didn't receive it hon, you have moved on.

thefeatheredcat

Firstly I would doubt how honest he is really being. He texted so that you know? For what? To elicit sympathy and for you to run back to him?

Part of abuse is control... and he is trying to control you again and the fact that you're even thinking that you should come to his aid, means he still has control over you. Don't give him that control back. As others said, delete or ignore the message.

There's only one person who should know about this fight and it's a Garda. You should not be dragged into it, it's not your problem.

If you respond worst case scenario is that you will be dragged back into his abusive world and that is somewhere I'm sure you don't want to be back in.

LegacyUser

My feeling would be that he is either lying about this 'rescue' of someone who was being picked on - or that he got into a drunken fight with people, and is getting his story in first to paint himself in a better light in case you hear about it.

Even if he is telling the truth, why tell you? No matter what the truth is, it all screams trying to make you feel sympathetic toward him, and reel you back in to his controlling world. As someone else said, delete and ignore! Be strong and dont get dragged back into his world and associated problems.

LegacyUser

i would imagine that he is simply trying to worm his way back by tugging on your heart strings, knowing that by appearing both vulnerable and heroic/caring, you may feel guilty by not offering some support to a former partner. men who are abusive, as said above, want power and control, you've taken it away, he wants it back. he will probably go through a range of tactics, try to get you to pity him, try to get your help, emotionally blackmail you, try to flatter and woo you, and then if they dont work, insult you, threaten you. you made the right choice leaving, don't look back, best of luck xxx

http://www.womensaid.ie, if you'd like more support :-)

OkayWhatever

Don't go there at all. I was in a bad relationship for about 18 months and then it ended. Now i'm with someone who completely adores me and it's amazing. To just feel loved and cared for, and safe. Don't go there, it's not worth it one bit. Just wait until you find someone who truly loves you and cares for you and then you'll be happy you stayed sitting and didn't go back. You'll 100% regret it in the end if you helping him out results in something more..

LC2010HIS

Change your number..

One thing these people are very good at is manipulation...

WANTStoWORK

nursemary wrote: »

I broke up with my abusive partner with whom I lived for a greater portion of our relationship. I have closed all accounts etc to do with the relationship and contact is kept to a minimum.

He texted me last night to tell me he was involved in a big fight with people who he came across who were picking on someone who was on his own (all the details I have). He said he is pretty badly bust up and just wanted me to know.


What am I supposed to do with this? I do not want to go back to him. At least not until he stops his alcohol abuse, which I know is not easy for someone but I cannot change him and I cannot do this for him.


What does someone do normally in this type of situation. I care about him and I want to go there but something's telling me not to.

Anybody reading your post can clearly see his game plan here, he txt you and tells you that he saved some guy from a beating last night, wants to show you that he is a changed guy, such a load of crap!, Any man who abuses a woman is a low life, you might not see that right now, have no more contact with him and get on with your own life. By all accounts you had a lucky escape.

Taltos

Let me rewrite that text for you.

I am a manipulative b*ll*x, so I went out got in a huge fight and am now looking to screw your life over again. Feel sorry for me NOW and let me f*ck you over....

OP - you need to change your contact details and stay away from this guy. Who cares if he is telling the truth - having been abusive towards you we both know that you need to keep him out of your life for good. Change your number already.

LegacyUser

Hey all, just writing to let you know I did not go to see him. I Did reply to the message but it was asking if he was ok and that I don't think getting involved in fights is a thing he should be doing right now that he has his own problems to sort out. He asked me for a forwarding address and I told him to leave my mail in the post area of the block and I'd come and get it myself.

So I am being strong. I have taken on this advice you have given me and I see what he trying to do now... Thanks again for the reinforcement

ABajaninCork

I would get your mail re-directed too. Try to have as little contact as possible...